


Mokosh

by Anathash



Series: Like Changing Seasons [1]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aka let me teach you a thing or two about slavic mythology, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Emotional Slow Burn, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Game of Thrones-esque, Loss of Virginity, Magic is still very much there, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slavic AU, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-06-16 16:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 68,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15441447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anathash/pseuds/Anathash
Summary: After 2 years since its beginning the war between the Wave Kingdom and the Li Empire is in its last phases.As the Northern Armies approach closer to the sunny coasts of the Clow Kingdom, its Princess, Sakura of House Kinomoto is given an ultimatum; oppose the Empire and watch her country and House be devour by a war that is not theirs or marry the Emperor, Xiao Lang of House Li, the Thunder Wolf and if the stories are to be believed the most ruthless ruler that has ever been.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

_Spring is almost here._

Sakura thinks to herself as she peeks through an open window. The space is quiet, like it always is. She used to hate it; the stillness, now she welcomes the silence.

There are two other woman in the chamber, both in beautiful dresses, flowy materials with heavy embroidery, their hair tightly braided too keep them from the heat. There is tea on the little table between them as well as some cakes and other sweets. Sakura remembers the time there used to be exotic fruits; her father had them brought from all the way across the ocean, all she had to do was say a word. Now it isn't that simple. The war took away a lot of privileges she used to take for granted.

There are the little things; a lot less ships in their harbor, a lot less crowd on their grounds, a lot less lords visiting, a lot more lessons to be learnt. There are also big things; her father's business, more problems from their subjects, less food for the people, more soldiers and magi in the capital. Sakura isn't blind and she isn't deaf either; she knows that this war will reach them soon. They stand in the Emperor's path to revenge and if there is one thing she heard about Emperor Li, it was that those who are not his friends perish instantly.

"I think I am with child."

The words ring through the air and Sakura suddenly stops embroidering a lion onto her new dress. She looks up, her eyes fixing on a woman in front of her. She has deep auburn hair, a beautiful, now flushed face and dark brown eyes. She is not much older than Sakura, barely by two springs. Her name is Nadia of Houses Kinomoto and Abel, formally a princess of The kingdom of Yue. Not even a year ago, this woman married Sakura's brother, the heir to the Claw kingdom, as a reassurance of peace between the nations. Sakura grew to love the woman; she is intelligent, kind and a powerful magi. She quickly became a real sister.

So she looks her sister in-law in the eye and can't help the smile that brightens her face; thoughts of war momentarily forgotten.

"Are you sure?" 

Another voice brings Sakura back from cloud nine. Her other companion is Daidouji Tomoyo, her best friend and the only daughter of the prestigious Daidouji bloodline.

"I haven't bled in two moons."

She confesses and starts fiddling with her needle.

"Have you told brother?"

 Sakura asks, letting herself smile as if to encourage her sister in-law. The redhead smiles back and looks at her companions.

"The healers say that I should wait till the third moon, when the baby settles."

She says and takes a breath.

"But I am nauseous all the time and I think he noticed. He is a percepetive man… maybe there is no point in hiding it." 

Sakura lets out a giggle.

"Yes, he sure is."

 "I will tell him tonight then." 

Sakura can hear Tomoyo hum quietly, as always when she is in a good mood.

"I am sure he will be over the moon."

 Nadia smiles once more, this time baring her teeth. Sakura envisions a child then; one with her brother's eyes and that bright of a smile.

"I sure hope so."

The girls giggle once more and go back to their needle work. But this time the room isn't quiet anymore. They banter back and forth about when the baby arrives and how people will celebrate. The atmosphere shifts from grimm to cherry. A baby is always a good change. 

There is a knock on the door and Sakura wonders if she is missing her politics lesson. But the sun isn't down enough as of yet, so she isn't surprised to see a guard in the threshold when her in-law calls; come in.

"I am sorry to interrupt my ladies, but his majesty requests your presence in his quarters, princess."

 Sakura looks up at the Kingsguard, dressed in blue, red and gold; the colours of the Clow country. She nods and rests her needle work on the chair, bowing to her companions and leaving the room.

As soon as she passes through the door her familiar* goes lazily to her legs as the big cat he is.

"Have you had a good nap, Kero?"

 Her familiar nuzzles into her touch as Sakura runs her fingers through his soft fur.

"Barely." 

The lion grumbles back. Sakura suppresses a giggle for they are not alone.

They keep walking through the Palace. The Clow royal palace is a structure composed of marble and glass, decorated with colorful glass fixtures that create beautiful patterns on the carpentered floors.

Looking out of the widow Sakura sees the first flowers starting to bloom in the gardens; green slowly overtaking the gray of the winter. She can't wait to do their needle work in the gardens as soon as it is warmer. The marble walls start to conjunct her despite the largeness of the windows.

Soon they reach her father's quarters. The guard comes to a stance before her, but Sakura focuses on the commotion in the room; she can hear her older brother's loud voice. Mentally she prepares herself to be a mediator in any quarrel her family engaged in now.

The princess knocks on the door and opens it; her father never insisted on the court manner with their three. The King is standing behind his desk, his face barely containing his rage. On the opposite side of the desk stands Touya, her older brother. They are clearly in the middle of an argument as Touya looks as if he is about to strangle their father only to get his point through.

They both turn around when they hear Sakura coming in.

"Father, you asked for me." 

The princess says softly, mustering a smile in hope it can ease any tension. She watches as Touya's face drops, changing from rage to regret as he looks her in the eye. Then she realizes: they are arguing about her.

"Yes. Sakura, dear, come here."

 Her father says with a strain in his voice, not looking her in the eye. Sakura feels her stomach dropping. Her father's behavior only confirming her suspicion. She orders her familiar to stay outside of the door and makes her way near the desk, sitting in one of the chairs. She tangles her hands on her lap, trying to ease the nerves that only grow as she looks at her family.

"Is this about the war?"

She asks, not bearing the silence of the room. She sees her brother twitch at her words. King Fujitaka leans on the table and lets out a breath.

_War it is._

"The Empire sent a messenger this morning."

Her father starts, still refusing to look her properly.

"They sent a proposition. We either fight and ultimately lose..."

Sakura clenches her hands tighter. The Clow kingdom is a country of magi, a trading harbor. They have an army, but even Sakura knows how weak it is against empire forces.

"Or we bent a knee. We would still be a kingdom, we would have autonomy and our forces will join the war but..."

Sakura knows that peace doesn't come without a price.  The very first law of magic; you can't gain anything if you don't give first. So Sakura waits, ready to hear the sacrifice they have to make in order to keep their people safe.

Fujitaka finally turns to her, his eyes holding so much sadness. She didn't see him like this ever since her late mother had died.

"To ensure peace and our collaboration, the Emperor has requested your hand in marriage."

Sakura feels her breath hitch. Her head jolts up, looking at her father. For a second she thinks he was joking.

Emperor wants to marry her?

No.

Wait.

No.

**She cannot.**

Her brother says something that causes another quarrel between father and son. Sakura doesn't listen though. She looks back at her hands, mindlessly following the lion embroidered on her skirt. She keeps herself from hyperventilating.

She doesn't want to marry him.

She doesn't want to marry someone who keeps this war going; who made all those lives miserable. She doesn't want to share his bed. She doesn't want to bear children for such a monster.

**But she has to.**

She has to protect her people.

That's what her mother told her when she was little; 'we exist to protect those who cannot protect themselves'. If she is to refuse, she will only bring suffering to her subjects; she will spread this war further. All she did all her life was done to protect those in need. She built hospitals, she visited orphanages, she always insisted on giving away everything they did not need. All this will burn to ash if she declines.

If there is one thing Sakura learnt at a very young age it was that the only value of a noble woman in this world was what alliances she can bring through marriage. She didn't dream of a handsome lord nor about a knight in shining armor. But she thought she could at least choose; someone who values peace as much as she did.

But that no longer is an option. All she can do now for her people is to endure, even if that meant she will be abused all her life. That is her sacrifice.

So she straightens her back, tilts her chin and stands up. Her brother and father stop arguing at once, both looking at her with regret and surprise.

"I will marry him."

 She says, her voice as stern as she can muster. She sees Touya knit his eyebrows and draw a breath.

"Sakura! This is insane!" 

The princess bits back tears, threatening to spill from her eyes. She clenches her hands tighter, hoping that pain will help control her sadness.

"I am a princess, brother! I was always preparing to be married off to some stranger! Always! And if that brings peace so be it!"

 Her exclamation has the whole room silenced. Sakura sniffs, feeling the tears warm up her cheeks. She brings a hand to them and wipes the tears away.

"Sakura… He is..."

"The emperor, I know! But if I have to sacrifice myself for the kingdom I will do it!"

 Her father stays silent, he doesn’t voice the pain that Sakura can clearly see in his gaze. He never did, he was always a silent griever, always supporting them with his strength.

Fujitaka comes to her and embraces her. That's when Sakura let's herself loose; there is no princess only a scared girl. She clings to her father and sobs as he holds her and repeats “I am sorry" and “Thank you" over and over again.

That night she folds herself into a ball on her bed. For the first time in what felt like years she lets Kerberos sleep in her bed. He doesn't say anything when she clings to his fur, crying herself to sleep.

 

 

Li Xiao Lang is not impressed.

The war council tent is as busy as the city markets in the times of festivals. There is noise everywhere. The Lords’ quarrel among each other, gesturing on the map, that is laid down on the table. Xiao Lang looks at the piece of paper, feeling a headache coming. The simple bronze crown holding his hair together starts to rub his skin a bit too tight. The young man keeps his focus on the small country placed on the east coast of the map, the Clow Kingdom.

The country the lords are now arguing about whether they should raid or not. It stands directly in their path to the country of Wave; the whole point of this madness.

This is a small country, they say.

Our armies will crush them, they say.

Xiao Lang is seriously considering to cut the tongue of anyone who speaks these words next.

Of course they could raid them, they would win. But what is the point?

To add another year to this war? To lose another couple hundred soldiers and have to deal with possible mutteny of this country?

They have a big harbor they could use, but so have they.

On the bright side, before the war the Clow kingdom was known for their trading management. Their people don't know how to manage the harbor like the Kinomoto House could.

Conclusion? They are better off as allies than enemies.

His late father always held King Fujitaka in high regard anyway.

The Lords silence instantly as their young emperor slams his fist onto the table, strong enough to turn over some of the pieces on the map. They all turn to him then; their Emperor always looks as if he owns the world. Even now, dressed in worned out, dark leather suit he fancied for riding.

Li Xiao Lang takes a breath and sweeps the room with stare colder than ice.

"We will not raid the Clow Kingdom."

His voice is so cold and composed that everybody has a hard time believing that he is only nineteen years old. The whole room stills, awaiting further speech.

"Instead, we will propose them a treaty; we will assure ourselves a better trading contract with them as well as their support in this war."

There is a small commotion in the tent but it settles with one look from the emperor.

"With all due respect your majesty but how do you intend to keep the peace?"

It is Lord Liu who speaks first. Xiao Lang eyes him for a second.

"With marriage. The Clow kingdom has an unweeded princess."

The Lords seem to settle at that. Xiao Lang suppresses a huff. They were pressing him into marriage ever since his sixteenth nameday. At least now marriage will bring some sort of stability with itself.

"One moment, is she of age?"

Xiao Lang sends his Right Hand a knowing look. Hiiragizawa Eriol nods in agreement. The heir to the Hiiragizawa bloodline runs his fingers through his unruly raven hair; a habit that used to drive Xiao Lang crazy when they were younger.

"If I am correct her sixteenth name day is approaching soon."

Xiao Lang nods.

"Perfectly capable of bearing children then."

Says Lord Uni and the whole lordship nods in agreement. The young emperor leans back, pleased that he manages to avoid another quarrel among the Lords.

"That will be all for tonight. You are all dismissed."

All the gathered bow with respect while flooding out of the war tent. Xiao Lang turns back to his squire, who quietly stands near the tent's wall.

"I will be sending you with the treaty offering first thing in the morning."

The squire bows slightly but remains by the tent's entrance as requested. He was with him a bit over two years now and is already used to the robes. Xiao Lang swears that the boy can easily read his mind.

"Soo marriage?"

He should have really seen that coming. He turns around only to see that Eriol has already settled himself into one of the chairs standing in the far corner of the tent. There is a smug smile on his face, that used to drive the heir insane. He has learnt to live with him though; now the young Hiiragizawa is one of the very few people he can truly trust.

Xiao Lang rests on the other chair, motioning for his friend to pour him some alcohol and spare him the lecture. Sure enough not a minute after he can hear the liquid being poured into a cup.

"Better marriage than one more year of this blasted war."

The emperor takes a sip from his cup. He misses the northern alcohol; wine never sat well with him. He would give everything for ale, good, strong ale. Maybe in a year or two. For now he just has to drink more wine to get the same effect.

"And so end our days of visiting brothels together."

Eriol as much of a genius as he was, he can't act for shit. Xiao Lang chuckles into his cup at his advisor’s attempt of sorrow.

"I am so very sorry that you will have to go alone."

Eriol shoots him a look.

"You should be. You will have a young lady wife and I will be here..."

"Drinking wine and fucking around. Yes I should definitely pity you, friend."

Eriol's laugh rings through the tent. The young emperor chuckles.

"No, but in all seriousness. They call the young princess the Light of the Coast."

Xiao Lang huffs at that.

"And my sisters the Stars of the North. That doesn't make them any more bearable."

Xiao Lang feels the chill coming down his spine for the very thought of his sisters. All older, making his life a headache from as long as he could remember. The only bright side of this war was that Fanren, the youngest of his sister, who was married to one of his Generals’ is on a different front.

"Still a young beauty all to yourself."

"I sometimes worry about your state of mind, you know that?"

Eriol chuckles but doesn't address the matter further.

 

 

They called him The Thunder Wolf.

He is supposed to be a prodigy in the field of elemental magic, one that Sakura has hard time mastering even using her cards. She doubts however that she will ever see him in action. That like most women she will become the obedient wife, so common among men of power. She knows she will fight to never be only his legitimized whore, even if she had to get beaten to get her voice through.

At least this is what she tells herself as she stands at her father's side in the middle of the stairs leading into the palace.

Tomoyo helped her into one of her most beautiful dresses; a gown with a lace bodice, open shoulders, long sleeves and long flowy skirt in the color of eggshells and gorgeous details embroidered with copper strings. She let Tomoyo braid her hair into a crown braid and add a few copper metal accessories; the earrings shaped into little lions were constantly bumping into her neck. All the richness of her garments is completed with a golden tiara with gold chains and jewels draping onto her forehead.

She is fiddling with her gold bracelet as she looks at the wolf sigils swamping the palace grounds.

Her father wordlessly takes her arm. She senses him gripping her hand tighter as if to give her encouragement. Sakura doesn't turn to him though. Her eyes are studying the sigils; gray wolf on emerald green. Kerberos gets closer and closer to her as they go down.

She knew that the emperor is a young man. But when it comes to men, they can be considered young up until thirty springs of age, so she is surprised to see that he is at most 5 years older than her.

He is riding at the very beginning of the conduit. Truthfully he is the opposite of what she expected; tall, lean, looks almost nonchalant while holding reins with one hand and adjusting a sword strapped to his hip with another. He is dressed in dark leather, his jacket decorated out of necessity with studs and barely visible embroidery. Despite herself Sakura has to admit that he is one of the most handsome men that she has ever seen. He has a harsh jawline and nice cheekbones that have to make all the ladies swoon over him. His hair is disheveled from wind, dark brown locks lighter in the spring sun. She can see that this hair must be a handful with the way his bronze crown barely stays on his head.

Sakura feels her breath hitch when he looks up. Despite the heavier gown, she feels exposed under his gaze but then his eyes meet hers. Those irises look like melted copper, burning metal yet they hold so much cold. She can not believe the contrast those eyes have.

She sees commotion beside his horse, a gorgeous black mare. These is a wolf, as big as Kerberos with furr of light grey, shining silver in the sun; the fabled familiars of the Li bloodline, proudly represented on their sigils.

They finally reach the end of the stairs just as the emperor stops his horse. Behind him all of his company comes to a stop. For a moment he looks Sakura in the eye and all of the etiquette she has learnt all of her life almost slips past her when she feels a blush coming to her cheeks. She suppresses it though; he is a handsome man, but it all pales when she thinks about all the lives that came to an end at his hands.

Li Xiao Lang comes down from the saddle, the mare doesn't even flinch at the sudden movement. His squiere comes to him in merely few seconds, taking the reins from him.

"Your Imperial Majesty, we humbly welcome you in Tomoeda, the crown jewel of our country."

Her father's voice rings through the square, his voice unyielding but kind. The young emperor comes closer to them, his wolf trailing closely behind. There is a smile on his face; the kind that doesn't reach his eyes, still burning but yet so cold.

"King Fujitaka, I am thankful for the invitation. Tomoeda truly is a sight to behold."

The emperor talks swiftly. There is such a depth to his voice that the princess hardly believes he is so young.

His eyes take in the sight of the city, clearly visible from the hill on which the palace stands. Then as he finished his sentence his eyes stay on her, they are cold and calculating.

"Of course it all pales at the sight of your daughter."

His voice is warm, it's depth making it even more pleasing to the ears. Sakura manages to smile, making sure it reached her eyes. This masquerade is sure to make her sick.

"You flatter me, your grace."

Li Xiao Lang comes closer to her, one hand behind his back, the other slowly reaching out to her. Sakura slips her hand into his palm, covered in his riding gloves, skin worn out from the reins. He brings her palm to his lips, eyes fixed on her and she struggles to keep the smile on her face.

"It is a true pleasure to meet you princess."

"The pleasure is mine, your grace."

The emperor lets go of her hand, a smile still on his face.

"Your grace, you must be tired from your journey. Perhaps you would like to dine with us before resting?"

Xiao Lang averts his gaze to her father.

"It would be an honor. I hope my men will be granted similar treatment."

"Of course. My son, Touya, will join us in the dining room as soon as he manages the soldiers."

 

 

The palace looks nothing like what Xiao Lang is used to, but he keeps himself from staring too much. The Fang Keep is much simpler than the Tomoeda palace, much out of necessity than anything.

The crown prince doesn't seem to be pleased with him and he doesn't even try to hide his resentment. The only reason Xiao Lang didn't receive a dagger to the heart seems to be his wife, Nadia of House Abel. A Northern House, one of his wasals. She is a lovely woman and Xiao Lang remembers that one of his sisters always talked bitterly about that flaming hair, now he knows why. The Prince's bodyguard, Yukito is an enigma though, he stands behind the prince and his wife at all times, always smiling, rarely saying a word.

The conversation basically flows between the monarchs. King Fujitaka used to be close with Xiao Lang's father, so between the usual talk of war and politics, there are occasional remarks or memories Xiao Lang is too young to share. He enjoys it though, it is nice to see his late father in a different light than a great emperor or a father.

His intendent is silent though, only speaking when spoken to. She is sitted to her brother’s left, silent as she eats. Xiao Lang was prepared to marry her even if she wasn't as beautiful as the word said. He knew after all that she is a powerful magi, even though to be honest she looks fragile. Sakura Kinomoto truly is the Light of the Coast. Her skin is fair and smooth, looked soft to touch, something that is a rare sight. Her hair is a dark blonde giving an auburn hue as the sun hit it. She has a small round face that combined with her rather big cat-like eyes gives her a permanent childish look. It’s endearing in a sense. Those eyes are what holds much of her beauty; they are the colour of emeralds, a deep captivating green that makes his head turn every time she looks in his direction.

She is silent and seems obedient but those eyes hold fire.

It is dimmed and barely noticeable but it is there.

Waiting to be lighten up.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

King Fujitaka is a wise man, one of a few who still hold true honor and loyalty in high regard. It is becoming quite uncommon among men of power. ‘The fuller their safes the sneakier their nature’, as his father liked to say. 

From his place near the marble railing, Xiao Lang has a good view at the gardens. They are much more vast and beautiful than those at the Fang Keep. He has to try his best as to not look captivated with them. But clearly he is failing at being nonchalant.

"Beautiful, aren't they?"

Fujitaka’s voice is warm when he asks. Xiao Lang brings his attention to the King and goes back to eating whatever the servants have prepared for him. It didn’t take him long to realize that this Kingdom’s diet contains mostly of seafood, nothing that he is accustomed to.

"They are."

"Thanks  to Sakura. She is the one caring about the gardens since my wife's departure. It means a lot to her."

Xiao Lang looks at the gardens once again. This time he takes a moment to notice the small things: the careful placement of each and every flower pond, the trees which, when blooming, created a shade near the cobblestone paths. She must have a keen eye. Everything seems to have a place there, designed to bring peace to the soul.

"The gardens in the Fang Keep could use keen eyes like hers."

Fujitaka's expression grows stern at that remark. He takes a sharp breath and looks back to the garden.

"May I call you Syaoran?"

"I am to be your son in-law after all."

Fujitaka turns to him. There is a smile on his face, the same court mask that his daughter shares.

"You are about to take my daughter in exchange for peace. You are taking our men to a war that isn't ours."

Syaoran leans onto the table. The tension seems to grow. Not that he didn’t expect that from the start.

"I give you a chance. My Lordship wants to rage a war with you, so will the Wave country if they succeed. I myself was always taught the importance of trade and from my father I know how much you excel at it. I would rather have you as allies when this war is over."

Fujitaka's smile returns to his face. His brown eyes watch his younger peer with caution.

"Then you make a wise move in choosing her. Sakura has been taught in trade since as long as she could talk. She is very skilled in that, just as she is in magic."

And he could sense that. Just as any magi in the City probably, her aura was a powerful one. And power like that can bring a lot of attention.

"So i've heard. The Claw Cards were created by Claw Reed nearly 300 years before. It was one of his children that created the Li clan, passing down his old blood and the magic held within it. Yet his Cards somehow wandered through the world until they were passed to Sakura Kinomoto who, through her mother's old blood, was able to realise the magic held in the cards.  This magic originated in the North. This way it'll return to the Li bloodline."

Fujitaka leans back in his chair as Xiao Lang speaks.

"It’s about her magic then?"

"It’s about who she is. It won’t be difficult for her to gather Northern people in her favor. Even those who wished for a Northern Empress."

People were simple like that. With her pretty face and kind soul it won’t be hard for her to appeal to the people. One might argue that a wife like her may soften up his ruthless image even if by a bit. 

But it is only a top of an iceberg.

"And furthermore it is about my father."

The King rises his eyebrows but his expression quickly softens. He smiles, remembering fondly the Fierce wolf; the man who long ago was his friend, a companion, a brother in arms, someone who knew how it was to be the heir. How it was to carry the expectation of one’s country on their shoulders.

And now, sitting in front of him is a nearly perfect copy.

Xiong Lang was slightly taller than his son, his eyes were a bit rounder and his features a touch harsher. But the resemblance nearly brings Fujitaka back to his youth. It’s in his copper gaze. In his unruly hair. In the strain of his shoulders. In his voice, as stoic as his demeanor. 

Fujitaka has heard much about the Thunder Wolf. Many gruesome stories that painted him solely as a tyrant. Stories he doesn’t want to believe in. Because he knew his father and he knew that he would never let a monster to be raised under his care. Moreover, he wouldn’t have proposed years before his death for them to join their houses. 

Fujitaka remembers that letter fondly. Remembers how Xiong Lang spoke about gladly welcoming Sakura into his household if she was even half a woman Nadeshiko was.

They both cared for her. 

And Fujitaka knows Xiong Lang would never betray their friendship.

"So you were aware of our conversations?"

Fujitaka asks in a kind voice. Xiao Lang smiles at the question, remembering the time long ago, a voice he will never again hear, a smile he will never again see.

"Father had mentioned it once. I never actually took it seriously. I just thought I would marry someone who would be convenient at the time… Fate is just tricky like this."

Fujitaka chuckles.

"You even sound like him."

Xiao Lang’s features soften then, a grin stretching his lips.

"So I have been told, mostly by my mother."

‘You are truly your father’s son.’

She doesn’t say it anymore. 

Not since the bells rung in the whole capital. 

Not since he carried his father’s coffin on his shoulder. 

Not since the crown had been placed upon his head.  

Because when he doesn’t laugh by the end of her sentence, they are reminded that he is not there anymore.

"That’s why I will give her away to you."

The words bring Xiao Lang back into the moment. Fujitaka’s voice is soft, so are his eyes when Xiao Lang meets his gaze.  

"Not because of your Lordship or even this war but because I trusted your father, and I know he would not raise a monster under his care."

Xiao Lang struggles to keep up his facade at this point.

All his reign he has kept the image his enemies created for him. 

He has been referred to as a tyrant, a merciless ruler, the Ice Emperor and he has done nothing but uphold this reputation. Because it was better if his enemies feared him and his subjects respected him.

It kept, then the seventeen year old boy from breaking under his crown’s weight. 

Upon coming here Xiao Lang has expected the same. But he has underestimated the Good King Fujitaka. The one who his father had called a friend.  

"So when you honor your father’s memory, please honor my daughter’s life."

The King’s voice is as smooth as ever, but something breaks in it, a tiny weaver in it’s tone. And when Xiao Lang crosses their gazes he can clearly see how hard it is on the father. 

Sakura is barely out of maidenhood and even if it was a time to be looking for prospects, it still shouldn’t be easy. Engagement is one thing, but to actually give away a not even sixteen year old daughter must be another thing entirely. It was hard on his father once upon a time.

So Xiao Lang doesn’t even try and promise to love and worship his bride, because that would be a lie. What Fujitaka deserves is the truth.   

And the truth is Xiao Lang will try to temper himself. He will try to open himself up. He will try to form something with her, even if the facade he had to keep up in order to survive will keep her away from the real him.

He will try.

"I will… or at least I will try."

She deserves at least that.

Fujiataka smiles once again. Taking a deep breath he turns his attention to the gardens, his gaze almost nostalgic. 

A few swallows start to sing on the railing.*

"Sakura, she… she is a honest girl. This facade of yours, there is no point in keeping it in front of her. She will see right through it."

Xiao Lang doesn’t answer that. 

 

Tomoyo is reading a book in front of her, completely silent, but Sakura can feel her stare piercing a hole in her skull. On any other day she might have given in, not bearing the discomfort of the situation. Today though she is just done with everything. She only wants to relax, focus on finishing her dress, listen to birds chipping and the ocean hitting the rocks far below them. 

The afternoon sun is brushing her face and Sakura mindlessly leans into it, thinking that she won't get much of it when she becomes the Northern Empress.

"You are awfully silent today, Sakura."

Tomoyo states, probably not bearing the silence anymore. Sakura continues to bathe in the sunlight.

"Because I know what you want to talk about."

"Well, you are about to marry him."

Sakura sighs deeply, finally opening her eyes to glare at her friend who is smiling nonetheless. Tomoyo is always like that; persistent, but loyal to the core.

"I don't know him. How he is acting at court doesn't really matter."

She says, focusing her attention back on her needlework. 

The dinner was stiff, all pleasantries and false facades. They talked politics and all of the deals their marriage could bring. Sakura listened, trying to memorise it all but she didn't really care. War tactics were never her fortee, she is much better with economics and trading. 

They didn't discuss marriage matters, traditionally the groom or his father and the bride's father made the deal behind closed doors. The emperor was supposed to break his fast with her father this morning. Which meant they are either ending their conversation or have already done so.

"No, I suppose it doesn’t."

Tomoyo sighs almost dramatically.

"But… he is handsome."

This time it is Sakura who sighs. She should have seen that coming. 

When she opens her eyes, she sees her cousin staring at her with that suggestive smile that makes Sakura blush a little. She knows there is no point in avoiding the topic.

"I suppose he is."

Even she can’t deny that.

"But he is so stiff!"

This time it’s Kerberos who speaks. The lion is laying on the opened balcony, bathing in the spring sunlight. 

Sakura laughs at the statement.

"He is the Emperor, he is supposed to be stoic."

She states. To be quite honest, she didn’t expect the dreaded Thunder Wolf to be anything else.

"Your father is the King and he is not as stiff."

Kerberos counters.

"He is, only at court, Kero."

The lion turns onto his back, putting his paws up like he does when he wants to be scratched.

"You want to tell me that this brat is an equivalent of friendliness and fun when he is alone?"

Involuntarily Sakura imagines the Emperor jesting and drinking like she has seen her brother do on occasion. It’s an odd picture, almost too difficult to imagine. 

The emperor is all eloquence, fitted leather and court smiles. Surely there has to be someone below all that. For her own sake Sakura wishes it is not the man the rumors paint him as. 

Feeling her discomfort Tomoyo chimes in:

"Or maybe outside of court he likes to wear pink."

That she can imagine. 

And the image makes her burst into laughter. It’s a full belly laugh that would surely earn her a scolding in the society but here it only prompts her companions to laugh with her. 

By the time a knock can be heard in the room, her sides hurt and Tomoyo wipes tears from the corner of her eyes. Sakura tries to collect herself before answering, but her shushes only prompt Tomoyo’s giggle. In the end they are both still grinning widely when she calls. 

 

Xiao Lang can hear it from the other side of the door. 

The laughter is free, loud and unfiltered. Somehow he can’t place it with the quiet girl his betrothed has presented herself to be. 

But it’s everything her father has painted her as. 

Free, rough around the edges but somehow still beautiful. 

That prompts him to linger near her door for a moment longer, his private guard standing silently behind him.

Had sir Yamazaki not stayed behind in the camp, Xiao Lang would have likely been teased by now. That man never held his tongue. Not since he saved him on the battlefield. 

Maybe it’s the very thought of him that makes Xiao Lang knock on the door. 

The laughter immediately fades as if they are trying to compose themselves. 

It takes a minute but finally a voice calls:

"Come in!"

Xiao Lang pushes the door open only to see the same sand marble the whole castle is made out of. That room seems even softer than the rest; all white furniture, golden details and pastel silks. His betrothed sits with a dark haired girl near the opening of the balcony, where her familiar lays. The lion’s cold stare catches him before both girls do. 

When they do, however, both stumble to put their needlework down and smooth their dresses as they stand up. The other girl seems calm enough but his fiancee is flustered to say the least. Her hair is simple that day; a half updo leaving some of her hair running down her back. Her gown is a simple thing, flowy peach chiffon, only the bodice embroidered with a lion at her bust. 

Still, she is the Light of the Coast. Yet she must not recognize that as she rushes to correct her hair and gown, while the blush of her cheeks spreads to her ears.

"Your majesty."

Both girls curtsey and Xiao Lang answers with a bow.

"My ladies."

For a second his fiancee is perplexed; clearly she did not expected him here. Yet she collects herself relatively quickly and gestures to her companion.

"Your grace, this is my cousin, Lady Tomoyo of House Daidouji."

The famous House Daidouji, that has managed to make it’s mark in the world despite being stripped of any magic in their blood. They are however known for their inventions and overall knowledge in trade that has collected them a fortune near that of the Empire.

Lady Daidouji carries herself with an almost doll like grace that seems to be complete opposite of Lady Sakura’s lively charm. Both are very much different, but beautiful in their own right.

"It’s a pleasure, your grace."

"Likewise."

Xiao Lang could perhaps count on his fingers a few more tense meetings he was a part of. And that was counting his early negotiations with the Wave country. If he remembers correctly, a few swords were drowned and someone lost a hand. But it’s a different kind of tension. 

The sea is hitting the rocks below the castle. His fiancee is clearly balancing between shy and uncomfortable. Lady Tomoyo is smiling like she can read him as an open book and his fiance’s familiar is still looking like he is a second from crushing his throat. 

Wonderful.

"My Lady could you accompany me on a walk?"

He addresses his fiancee, keeping his face passive, while he is trying to ignore the stare. Originally Xiao Lang planned on talking in her chambers, but giving the situation he wanted  to be out of her familiar’s way. 

Sakura looks up at him, at her cousin, then back at him before answering with a small smile.

"Of course, your grace."  

 

Sakura grips his arm, trying hard not to let her nervousness show. The echo of his guard’s shoes (most likely serving as a chaperon) does nothing to ease her nerves, especially since he isn’t trailing that close behind them. 

She knows that her father agreed to his terms. She knows that it is her future husband walking beside her. She made sure of that herself after all. 

For her people. 

For the future.

"My lady."

His deep voice causes her to look at him. He studies her face for a moment, as if assessing the best wording of the information he wants to convey. 

Suddenly he comes to a stop, and she immediately drops his arm. Not letting the touch linger more than customary. He immediately folds his hands behind his back. 

They are on a patio that leads to the gardens. A secluded spot, that is not often visited by the servants at this time of year. The chill of early spring makes Sakura regret not wearing her shawl.

Their chaperon comes to a stop behind them and leans closer to the wall, giving them all the privacy people in their position could hope for.

"I was told you were well aware of the situation we are in."

He starts. His gaze locks with hers and there is no warmth in his copper eyes.

"I am to marry you and you will leave my country without harm."

She answers, not breaking eye contact with him. It’s intimidating in a sense. How he looks at her like he wants to gain all her secrets. 

He nods once.

"More or less."

There is something warming up his tone but Sakura can't pinpoint if it's amusement or not.

"This marriage is purely a deal. I gain something, you gain something."

Sakura takes a breath, hoping it’s not too ragged. 

A deal. 

Of course it is. She is marrying a complete stranger for peace. She will bed a stranger for peace. She will rule lands that she doesn’t call home for peace. She will bear this man’s children for peace. Her whole life will be decided for peace. There is no sugar coating this. 

Sakura looks up at him again, knowing full well that he can sense her conflict in the magic of her aura.

"That is the basic principle of trade after all."

She watches him blink, a look of surprise flooding his face for a second. And then he smiles. It’s crooked and a bit clinical as it doesn’t quite reach his eyes but it’s there.

"Yes, I suppose it is."

He says, the warmth still in his tone.

"The difference being that this-"

He gestures between them in a subtle move of his hand.

"This is for the rest of our lives. And as much as I know that this isn’t perfect, it is what we’ve got. And i want to make the best of it."

Sakura blinks. Once, then twice but no words escape her for the moment. 

There is sincerity in his voice and she searches his face for it’s trace there. His mask is strong though, years upon years of being in constant spotlight taught him how to hide his true self well. It’s the light of his aura that gives him away. It’s faint, like a buzz at the back of her skull, but it’s there. 

Hope, uncertainty, fright. 

All those things that she can feel too. 

She takes a breath and looks at him. Truly looks at him, pushing aside all the titles, all the facts ,and all assumptions until all she can see is a man who is willing to try.

"Alright. Let us try."

She says, trying to keep her voice as stoic and stern as she did whenever dealing with trade. She can't let herself tear all her walls down just yet. They are not yet married, only two strangers trying to get a hold of each other. 

Apparently he doesn't mind because he nods his head in approval.

"So… If we are treating this as a deal. Maybe you have anything you are not willing to give up?"

The question catches her off guard. She looks at him, memorizing the line of a scar that runs from his cheekbone into his hair. A precise cut, that is only visible up close, surely a memory of a long won battle. 

She knows that those things like: her home, her family, her friends and old habits are not something she can maintain. So she thinks to the little things that always made her happy. Small rituals that could be performed without her family and friends.

"My familiar…"

She starts with the simplest one. Kerberos had been by her side ever since she was barely ten and he was just a cub. In many ways he became a part of her, a part she isn’t willing to let go of. 

Xiao Lang’s face immediately becomes one of surprise.

"That goes without saying. I would not imagine parting with Yun Lee."

He seems almost offended as he responds. As if raging war was a daily thing but separating her from her familiar is an act of monstrosity. Maybe one day, she will understand that, but for today she just nods.

"Then… I want to continue practicing magic."

Once more he looks offended. She thinks briefly that it is one of a few of his emotions she could recognize then. Xiao Lang moves to the railing separating the gardens from the halls and leans on it, his arms folded on his chest as he looks at her.

"You thought I would deprive you of it?"

He asks suddenly and his voice is cold again. Sakura feels herself shrink under his gaze.

"I don’t know you, your grace."

She states. Xiao Lang sighs, making a pour job of hiding his frustration.

"You are to be an Empress, not a low lady. You can have a familiar, you can practice magic, you can wield a sword if you want to."

His is irritated, angry even. Sakura can see that in the grip he holds on his arms. But he cuts himself short, realizing the growing tension. He sighs then, his expression reverting back to it’s stoic nature. Only then does he look at her.

"In fact, I would like to train with you. Train you if you desire to wield any weapon that is not your staff."

It's her turn to stare then. A suggestion is unexpected but Sakura recovers quickly. 

She did not think that in the position of the Empress she could be seen dressed in leather and linen, sweaty, bruised and muddy from training. On the contrary she expected it all to be a caged experience. A beautiful velvet and silk box of fake courtesies and stiff balls.

"You mean that I could learn how to use a sword? Father only ever allowed me to train with a bow."

Xiao Lang raises his brows at the information, but he recovers quickly.

"Yes, I could make time for helping you learn, if you would like that. A small sword would be fitting for you."

"I do have a sword card. Father just never thought it would benefit a lady to know how to fence."

Xiao Lang sends her a questioning look, as if looking for a punchline in a nonexistent joke. But as soon as he realizes she is serious, he knits his eyebrows.

"He wasn’t exactly planning on giving you away North then. Most of our ladies know how to at least wield a dagger."

_ He probably didn’t plan to give me away for probably another year as well.  _

Sakura keeps that to herself. Instead, she smiles. Because it’s her future husband she is speaking with. And how many times, behind closed doors has she heard the tales of woman being mistreated by their husbands? 

She doesn't want that, so she opts to keep her opinions to herself for now. At least until she knows what exactly hides behind his court mask.

"A dagger would be nice as well."

Xiao Lang huffs, a smirk appearing on his lips.

"I think you will find they both work on similar principles."

Sakura hums nodding quietly.

"Do your sisters know how to wield swords?"

"Yes… Although they all prefer different swords. You see, my father for the longest time believed that he would not have a son. Because of that, my sisters are now basically war machines."

His tone is flat but she can hear the strain in it. Everything in his body language tells her how scared he actually is of his elder sisters. And it makes Sakura giggle. The almighty Emperor is scared of his sisters. 

She can feel his eyes on her as she laughs.

"You must have been a blessing to him then."

She says, her cheeks still pinched from smiling.

Xiao Lang continues to look at her, his stare still calculating but she thinks that for a second she can see a hint of warmth in them. 

It makes Sakura bashful. She feels her cheeks heat up, a nearly painful blush spreading to her ears.

"He was always there for me."

His voice is soft, barely above a whisper. The warmth in it is mixing with sadness. Sakura’s smile fades as his eyes drop from her face onto the marble floor behind her.

She doesn't know what to say. How to react.

"Your grace."

Thankfully she doesn't have to. 

Both royals turn to the source of the voice. Hiiragizawa Eriol is walking towards them, a scroll in hand but a rather impassive look on his face. 

He bows to her quickly, which Sakura answers with a quick nod. His aura has bothered her from the start, a magical power far greater than her own and that of the Emperor.  

"You are needed with the Generals."

The Emperor straightens himself. The soft look he wore is quickly replaced with his court mask and the warmth is gone from his eyes when he looks at her. 

Xiao Lang takes one of her hands in his before she can even extend it. The kiss is soft and quick, just as before.

"My Lady, you will have to excuse me."

Sakura smiles.

"It’s quite alright."

The Emperor presses his lips together for a moment before clearing his throat.

"Good day then, my Lady."

"Good day, your grace, Lord Hiiragizawa."  

 

When Sakura comes back to her room Tomoyo is still there. Kerberos is laying at her feet, but his ears perch when he hears her enter the chamber.

"And?"

Kerberos is the first to ask but Sakura doesn’t answer at first. Instead she scratches her familiar behind one ear and sits next to her friend. She takes a breath, letting the sun tingle her face and the smell of tea get to her. 

Only then, when she lays her head on Tomoyo’s shoulder does she say:

"Everything will surely be alright."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Slavic people belived that swallows were one of the signs of spring.
> 
> I am in a bit of a slump lately, but hopefully it will pass soon. 
> 
> This work is beta'd by wonderful andrec02 and kuroi-kotoba, please check them out on tumblr! 
> 
> My tumblr: anathash or wikapikadraws - here i will be posting some drawings and sketches for this AU. If you have any questions, don't be shy and just ask :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

  
The chiffon is flowing down the length of her legs mixing perfectly with silk that covered her arms. Sakura looks in the mirror staring at every detail of her unfinished gown. The fabric is loosely tied together in some places, her veil is halfway done and the areas in which the beating should be are still only an outline of thread. But Sakura can see it for what it will be and like all her cousin’s creations this one too is magnificent.

Tomoyo is standing next to her, pinning the material in places it needs to be cut down or where she feels it should be adjusted.

"You said that he is rather easy to talk to. Why not simply ask?"

Her friend questioned and looks at her in the mirror, while she finishes pinning the sleeve down. Sakura squeaks.

"I can’t just ask him that!"

Tomoyo answers with a short giggle.

"You are going to be his wife. I think you can ask anything."

Sakura sends her friend a short glare ready to argue further but then the door to her chamber begins to open. Both girls turn almost immediately. Her brother strides into the room, Yukito in tow.

"Sakura! You are not going to..."

Touya cuts his sentence short the moment he sees her. Dressed in white with a veil perched atop her hair, a bride. For a moment he just stands there and stares. As if  he sees a ghost, not his little sister.

"Yes, brother?"

Sakura tilts her head when she asks the question, the material of her veil brushing her face. 

It was odd for him to behave so. He was always teasing, always smiling. She half expected him to call her a ghost when he saw her all draped in white. Instead he looks conflicted and it makes Sakura worry.

"Did you know Nadia is pregnant?"

He asks finally, his voice and whole demeanor still feels off, but Nadia finally telling him makes Sakura smile widely.

"Yes! Aren’t you happy?"

Once again Touya twitches and it makes Sakura’s smile fade. He does not look at her when he says:

"Yes, I am. It’s my child after all."

Sakura doesn’t believe him, not when he is saying it like that. Like there is something on his mind he can’t get rid of. She wants to ask. She wants to help, to try and make it better somehow. In the end Touya looks at her and speaks before she can even make a sound.

"I will go now, sorry to interrupt."

Touya starts to spring out of the room before Sakura can do as much as gather her dress to go after him.

"Brother, wai-"

Touya turns around at the door, making Sakura stop dead in her tracks.

"Oh, and you look like some snow monster in so much white."  

And with that he leaves. 

On another day she would have shouted after him. He would have laughed and Sakura would end up being irritated with him for the rest of the day. But this time she stands quietly in the middle of a silent room, her skirts spread messily on the marble floor. 

Touya has always been closed off on his emotions. Even after their mother died she had never seen him cry once. Even then, when she was barely seven Sakura wondered how her brother could be so strong. Why he didn’t cry like she did. With time she realized that he cried, just not in front of her. He was always trying to be strong for her. Even now.

"Don’t worry."

Yukito’s voice brings Sakura back to the room. She blinks out the tears forming in her eyes as she looks at him. He smiles at her kindly, like he always does. 

Yukito has been another constant in her life, appearing as her brother’s companion turned bodyguard when Sakura was no more than a child. Sakura remembers how she always talked about marrying him when she grew up, before the reality of being a princess finally sank in.

"All of this is hard on him too. Everything is changing and he simply doesn’t know how to react. You should give him some time."

Sakura brushes a loose tear from her cheek, doing her best to stay composed.

"Will you be there for him?"

Sakura asks, her voice stiff with the tears she has been holding. Yukito only smiles.

"I will always be there for him."

He states and Sakura knows it’s true because it has always been true. She can’t remember a single time Yukito hasn’t been by Touya’s side when things went wrong. And Sakura knows that he will continue to do so long after Sakura is gone.

It makes this change a bit more bearable.

"Thank you."

Yukito smiles at her before bowing and turning to leave after the Prince. But before passing the threshold he turns to her once again.

"Oh and Sakura? You make a really beautiful bride."

 

He should have been ready for that. 

Or at least he thought he was. 

But the moment his mother enters his chambers, her heavy gray gown sweeping the marble floors, he feels as if he has turned ten again. Her gaze is disapproving, reminding Xiao Lang of every time the sentence: 'You are the heir, act like one' was said. Now he is no longer the heir, now he is a leader, but still he has to remind himself of that.

"How dare you Xiao Lang?"

Her voice is cold and when father was still alive he always cowered before that voice. It was above him, it was power. 

But not any more. 

Now he is the Emperor. 

And she is the Empress mother. A title that holds no power over him. And he must act like it. 

So instead of backing down he straightens himself, using his superior height to show no intimidation.

"How dare I choose my Empress without your consent?"

He tries to keep his voice cold, but the anger is sipping through. After all these years he is tired of her control. He loves her for she is his mother but he will not bear it a moment longer.

Yelan doesn't back down, rather she matches his gaze with her own.

"She is a southerner."

Syaoran nearly rolls his eyes at that.

"Of Royal Northern blood. She is a mistress of Clow Cards. And if Clow Reed has accepted her surely so can you mother."

For a moment Yelan seems taken aback.

"So it's true? She is the new mistress of the cards?"

"Yes."

Xiao Lang answers and leans back on the desk, moving some books stacked on it in the process. 

Yelan is perplexed for a second and that tells Xiao Lang something. She had been scheming. There is some grand plan plotted behind his back that will collapse as soon as he marries Sakura of House Kinomoto. 

"She is young, beautiful, clever and a great magi. Clearly you have no reason to oppose… So what have you been plotting mother?"

Yelan looks composed and stoic as always but Xiao Lang can see it. The line between her brows, the slight twitch to her lips being the only sight of her distress. Finally she strides to the lounge area and sits herself on the couch.

"Be a good son and fetch me some wine."

Xiao Lang suppresses a smile; if his mother wants alcohol it only means that she is going to spill everything. 

He pours them both a goblet and hands her one as he sits closer to her. In court or in any other company she would have taken careful sips but now his mother downs the glass with only slight distaste. The wine is surely sweater than anything she is used to.

"I have been coming into arrangement with Lord Heun."

That prompts Xiao Lang to take a long sip himself. 

House Heun had been a pain in the arse for as long as Xiao Lang can remember. They controlled a big piece of land on the eastern border and an even bigger number of steel mines. Combine that with a inferiority complex and you get a headache for the crown for years to come. 

When Xiao Lang first called for his banner man barely a week after his father’s murder, being not older than seventeen it was Lord Heun that had refused to kneel to him. He did, eventually they all did, as soon as he had shown them his power. 

Hence the rumors of tyranny only fueled by the Wave kingdom.

"Let me guess, he threatens to cut our steel supplies if I don’t make his daughter my Empress?"

"Precisely."

Xiao Lang refills their cups and they both proceed to take another long sip. 

Lord Heun wasn't even fighting alongside him, only his men and banner men. 

If he thinks he can threaten him while Xiao Lang is the one holding his soldiers loyalty he is gravely wrong. If he thinks he can manipulate him once again he must not realize what he is bringing on himself, on his House. And Xiao Lang will make sure to let him know that.

"I would not allow it."

"Xiao…"

"No mother. I won't let them manipulate me. I won't let their snake into my bed, not even as a whore. Never."

Yelan leans back in her seat, swirling the alcohol inside her goblet.

"We can't have civil war Xiao."

"We won't, his banner man swore to me before him. He has money yes, but he has no respect."

Xiao Lang sighs as he stares at the goblet. He doesn't know how he should proceed with this. He shouldn’t even be thinking about it right now. His mind should be focused on winning the war, especially now, when he is so close to winning. With reinforcements from Clow, the Wave stands no chance. 

On the other hand, if he ignores it the consequences could be catastrophic.

"What do we do?"

The thought slips out of his lips in a whisper. Thousands of alternatives running through his mind. 

His mother's hands embrace him and she encourages him to lean into it so he can tuck his face in her hair like he did when he was a child. 

Xiao Lang doesn't fight it, he never does. Instead, he lets his mother hold him like he is her only boy, her youngest child, her little pup. Like he isn't the most powerful person on the continent.

"For now let us focus on the war my pup."

There is no coldness left in Yelan’s voice, only warmth. She brushes down his unruly hair and caresses his back, holding him like a mother should.

"We will worry about everything else when the time comes."

 

The day before their engagement ball the castle is swarming with people. There are lords and ladies arriving constantly but fortunately for Sakura she isn't required to welcome them all. 

Instead she spends that evening in her chambers; stitching the stars onto her maiden cloak. It’s a long, crimson and heavy material that has all kinds of metal holders attached to it for the chains. 

Normally a bride used her family cloak, passed to every woman in the line. But it was a very long time since there had been a woman born to her House and the last cloak had long perished in another war. Hence she was here, pulling a gold thread through silk. 

Kerberos is napping by the legs of her loveseat, basking in the warmth of the fireplace. Hinami is polishing her jewelry in the far corner of the room, humming a soft tune under her breath. 

The knock on the door breaks the peaceful moment. 

Sakura automatically stops pulling on her thread and her eyes search for Hinami. Her handmaiden is up even before she can catch Sakura’s gaze.

"Your imperial majesty."

Hinami bows deeply and Sakura stands up on her feet fast enough to startle her familiar. The large cat grumbles but Sakura ignores him completely as her fiance walks into the room, his familiar in tow. 

As always he is dressed in brown with touches of black and cream. But today's doublet is not as heavily embroidered than what she is used to, only the usual geometric patterns can be seen. Suddenly she regrets the simple pink gown she is wearing, the sheer lack of jewelry and the fact that she did not touch up her hair the whole day.

"Your grace."

She curtsey as he bows slightly.

"My Lady."

"What brings you at this hour, your grace?"

She asks the question shyly, a stark contrast to their familiars already busying themselves with fighting over the best place to nap by the fireplace.

"Company I suppose."

He answers shortly, his shoulders stiff as he keeps his hands folded behind him.

"You see, most of my bannermen have arrived today. Which means my chambers are visited constantly."

The Emperor does not look at her while saying that, opting to gaze at the fireplace instead. Sakura thinks briefly that maybe he is bashful. It's just as surprising as it is amusing.

"Honestly I was just hoping I could sort out some of my work here if it's alright with you, my Lady."

Finally he looks at her, shyly and unsure if he should even request it in the first place. It makes Sakura smile.

"And you thought that they will not bother you while you are with your betrothed?"

She asks, a smile spreading on her face and she uses the same voice in which she always convinces Tomoyo to steal some treats from the palace kitchen. Xiao Lang is startled for a moment but he softens almost instantly while looking at her.

"I will take that as a yes."

He smiles a bit as he says that, a slight tug of the lips but it's there and it makes her own smile even brighter. 

Xiao Lang sits on the chair standing opposite of her loveseat and quickly asks his squaire for the documents. Sakura on the other hand asks Hinami to prepare some tea and a platter of sweets. 

In the background their familiars are already sleeping on the furs. Sakura smiles as she looks at them, picking up her cloak.

"Is that your maiden cloak?"

Sakura turns her attention back to him.

"Ah yes. Unfortunately my heirloom is long lost."

She says, picking up her needle.

"Well, for what it's worth it looks good."

Sakura is surprised that his voice doesn't stutter with the way he avoids her gaze while saying that.

"Thank you… You will have to get used to my sewing, my Lord."

She doesn't pick up her gaze from the golden moon she is stitching.

"I do not think that will be a problem."

"I will make sure to practice more geometric patterns."

Xiao Lang hufs, but a gesture is one of amusement.

"See? Not a problem."

Soon his squire came back; a heavy stack of paper in hand. Hinami comes not long after with a pot of green tea and a platter of small cheesecakes. 

And with that they fall into a silence. 

Xiao Lang reviews all of his letters, occasionally using her quill and table to scribble notes or sign something. Mostly though he stays silent, only whispering something to himself about the matter. Sakura on the other hand focuses on her threading, easily falling into a pattern she knows so well. 

Then she realizes that this is what her evenings as a married woman will be like. Her doing needlework, maybe reviewing some magic and him managing the country. 

It doesn't sound half bad.

"My Lady."

His voice brings her back to the room as she is halfway through stitching the sun. Sakura looks up at him only to see that he has perched his elbow on the arm of the chair, his brows knitted together and his forehead creased.

"Could you please have a look at this?"

He hands her over a letter, carrying the dark seal of the Imperial Guild of Trade. Sakura sends him a questioning look but she sets her needlework aside and grabs the letter from him. She remembers the first time Father let her review a letter from the Imperial Guild. She was thirteen at the time and excited beyond words. Now she felt similar. A country as vast as the Empire, as powerful as it is, it's trade must be magic all in itself. 

And when she opens the already broken seal she isn't disappointed. 

Trading for steel, gold, grain, oil. The appointment of guilds, traders and soldiers. It all spills on the pages in neat numbers and elegant sleek writing. 

Sakura takes her time assessing the letter, looking at the numbers, remembering all the merchants and assessing what kind of a deal they got. 

Xiao Lang looks at her throughout the process. Watching as her brows crinkle in concentration from time to time and her hair seem a touch redder in the light of fire.

"It seems alright. Although if I might make a suggestion…"

Sakura pauses for a moment to look for his approval. Xiao Lang only nods his head, watching her silently.

"You bring grain and wine from one city but two different traders. While I agree they are trustworthy there is also the Association of The Oak that resides in that city. They are able to trade from both of the vendors at once. That way you will pay for their service only once."

Xiao Lang looks at her as he listens. His gaze is calculating as if he is weighing every word she says. But in the end he smiles. It's not a full smile, more of a smirk, a tug of inner corners more visible on one side than the other.

"Thank you. Could you perhaps write it down for me?"

Taking the quill from him she starts scribbling on the margins, writing even more than she said.

"You see I don't excel in trade, politics and command are more of my forte."

Sakura smiles while continuing to scribble.

"We complete each other then."

"A very convenient marriage indeed."

This time Sakura manages to laugh. 

  
  


The evening of their engagement ball is here.  

Sakura smoothes out the white chiffon of her skirt. The gown Tomoyo has prepared for her has a low bodice made of royal blue silk lined with golden braids. With that she knows she will stand out against her betrothed’s dark palette. What she does not expect is for Xiao Lang to put aside his usual earthly tones for a dark navy and gold garment, with only a crimson coat brightening it up. The crown that sits atop his head is different from the bronze circlet she had seen before. This one is gold, decorated with pearls and jewels. It matches perfectly the golden chains pinned to his coat. On them hangs a heavy number of fangs modeled in golden casts. 

Sakura looks at him as she stands at the top of the stairs, dressed in one of her finest gowns, her tiara perched atop her heavily braided hair, jewels, pearls and gold decorating her head, ears, neck and fingers.

She feels like a doll on display. 

And she knows that right now she is just that; a pretty bargain of peace for her country and the Empire. 

All the eyes of the room are on her, those of her country seem almost sympathetic, those of his are measuring, calculating, as if they were already fitting a crown atop her head. Seeing if this girl could truly be their new Empress. 

Sakura manages to find Tomoyo in the crowd. Her cousin stands among the people, dressed in a beautiful purple gown, smiling. It's the same smile she always gives Sakura when she tries to encourage her. 

And so she does.

The princess corrects her posture, lifts her chin higher and grips her father’s hand as they begin to descend down the stairs. If being a doll means she will save her country, a doll she will be. 

Her father holds her hand in hers. His grip does nothing to soothe her, but at least she feels that she is not alone. She imagines all of this is hard on him too. To give her away so quick. 

So when they stand in front of her betrothed Sakura looks to her father first. She can clearly see the pain in his eyes, even through his court mask. He kisses her hand and steps back. 

The Emperor is suddenly by her side, the chains attached to his coat clack together as he walks. Sakura looks at him, his mask is still on and she is sure the smile she sees on it is one for court. But she takes his hand when he extends it and she smiles like she is delighted to be here. 

Under normal circumstances this moment would be for her to choose. All of her prospects would have to come forward and ask her for a dance. And she would choose only one of them or no one at all. Of course all of it would happen previously behind closed doors, that was supposed to be a  formality, a play for court. 

But Sakura doesn’t have that. For who would be foolish enough to compete with the Emperor?

He leads her to the centre of the ballroom as all eyes follow them. The great generals, Lords and Ladies all seem to judge her at that moment, their stare so calculating it nearly makes her crack under pressure. But in the end she doesn't. She is marrying this country but primarily she is marrying this man. 

The man that comes to a stop before her. That man who places her hand on his shoulder and his on her waist. And that man looks at her with a hint of warmth in his copper eyes. He has showed her already that he respects her wishes, made her smile, and above all else he has shown that he respects her. 

So when the first tacts of waltz start playing Sakura gracefully flexes her arm and neck as they start to dance. She stops thinking about all the prying eyes, of all the responsibility that rests on this union. She solely thinks about the dance. About how they gracefully move on the ballroom floor and about how his eyes seem even more copper in the light of many crystal chandeliers. 

And when she smiles it’s more for him than for the court. 

And when she sees the shadow of a smile cracking through his mask, it's clear for her that he is not entirely the Emperor now. 

The music comes to a stop and they both stare at each other for a second. Ultimately Sakura steps back and curtsey while Xiao Lang bows. The claps start to sound in the ballroom as they do. The whole audacity of it reminding Sakura instantly of how many people are watching. Sakura and Xiao Lang stand together arm in arm again, letting the court clap for their upcoming union. 

It all comes to a stop when a woman steps in the centre of the ballroom. 

Empress Mother Yelan makes Sakura feel underdressed as she walks in her velvet and silk emerald gown stunned with jewels and gold. She is all cold elegance and grace with her silken black hair partially braided and partially flowing down her back. A whole different kind of beauty than hers. 

Sakura curtsey the moment the Empress stands in front of her. The older woman bows slightly and stares at her. It's a calculating gaze that her son shares but somehow it seems even more intimidating now. Sakura does her best not to bow down to it. For that would be a sign of weakness. A sign she, as a future Empress, must not give for if she does, she will be eaten alive. 

Her betrothed keeps his face stoic, but Sakura can see his nervousness in the twitch of his hand. And just like that Sakura knows she wasn't Yelan’s first choice for a daughter in law. 

Finally the Empress Mother steps closer to her and bends down. For a second her heavily painted lips brush Sakura cheek and that causes another cycle of claps. 

Officially Sakura has been accepted into the family. 

 

Xiao Lang must admit that the Princess impresses him more by the second. 

She stepped out today draped in gold and silk, but to him her smile shines more than the jewels decorating her fringe. There was something captivating in that ever present smile of hers. 

And the way she handled her mother. Most people would have cracked under that piercing gaze of hers. But she did not. She stood her ground by his side, and even managed to smile when all she received back was a court nod. 

She wowed his Generals while chatting with them about trade. They seem to absolutely love her or maybe the numbers she brings with her. 

The Lords are cold to her, the ladies even more so. Xiao Lang is sure that once she wears a golden band on her finger those very people will smile around her to win her grace. For now they still cling onto the hope that he will cast her away.

With each passing moment Xiao Lang is convinced more and more that he will not find a better suited woman to stay by his side. 

She is bright, beautiful but also more talented than any royal woman he has ever met. As knowledgeable as she is powerful.

When Xiao Lang watches his betrothed from the sidelines as she waltzes with her brother, he can’t help but follow her with his gaze. Her skirts are twirling and he can clearly see that she is laughing brightly as her brother speaks. 

In that moment Xiao Lang realizes that he might have fooled himself. 

 

Sakura finds him on the balcony. The one that overlooked the gardens, but was also high enough to give a stunning view of the city.

The Emperor is leaning on the railing, his back turned to her. The gold frames of the fangs and chains glisten in the light coming from inside the castle. She briefly wonders which one of them was his.

"The city looks quite nice from here, doesn’t it?"

Xiao Lang turns slightly to her, his chains clanking at the movement. He looks surprised to see her at first. But in the end he answers:

"It does."

He takes a sip of his wine and turns back to the view. Sakura presses her lips together, surely that wasn’t the best conversation starter, or her betrothed simply wasn’t in the mood to chat. She saw first hand how many of his wasals nearly swarmed him during the reception. As he said before, he values his peace and quiet. Maybe just now she is disrupting it.

"I hope my wasals didn’t scare you. They are a bunch of old sceptics."

Sakura giggles not only at the jest, but also because apparently her presence is not uncalled for as she thought.

"They are nice enough. Didn't outright spit in my face."

Xiao Lang hufs.

"They are so obsessed with blood that they don't see how many numbers you have brought for our armies. The Generals love you though, if that’s any consolation."

"It is actually. They are the ones that can fence best."

She says, a cocky grin appearing on her face. Xiao Lang answers her with a shadow of a smile. The conversation dies down for moment before Sakura catches the glimpse of his chains again.

"Which one is yours?"

She asks, gesturing to the chains with her hand. There are approximately twenty wolven fangs stripped to his coat, all casted in gold and polished at it’s length. One for each Emperor who wore those robes.

"The one closest to you, on the third chain."

The fang is long and moderately thick, glistening white among all others. Distantly she can see the old markings signifying his name carved into metal.

"Was it hard to hunt?"

She asks while Xiao Lang takes a sip of his wine and then offers her his goblet. She takes it.

"Harder than deers and rabbits that's for sure. But much less than a bear. Wolves aren't exactly used to being hunt around our parts."

"Only the Emperor can hunt them, is that right?"

Xiao Lang nods.

"Yes, and only when ascending to the throne."

He was seventeen then. Readying himself for the war to avenge his father. Barely out of boyhood and already had to play the man.

She couldn't imagine how scary that could have been. Sakura takes a sip from the goblet, watching him as he answers.

"It was a silver wolf by the way, nearly black."

"Do you still have the pelt?"

Xiao Lang looks at her and by the way he does, she knows that she is missing some important piece of information.

"Traditionally it is used as a fur for the first born son. It is said that the sacrificed wolf becomes a guardian spirit that wards of evil. Sometimes a familiar."

Involuntary she thinks about a child. She can't really picture it, but she somehow knows that it will share the same copper eyes as his father. It’s easy to picture his child, it's harder to picture their own. 

She can't see any of her in a child wrapped around a silver fur. 

_ Patience Sakura. _

_ Even if there will be no love in this marriage, you will love your children. With all your heart. _

"Like Yun Lee?"

Xiao Lang nods, he takes the goblet back from her, their fingers barely brushing.

"Exactly like Yun Lee."

Silence stretches between them after that. Even so far from the ballroom they can still hear the dim tacts of waltz. The ball is still going in full blast, even when the engaged couple isn't there. 

Sakura bites her lip. 

They are alone, surely she could ask now. It’s not like she will find a better moment. 

Sakura takes a breath feeling her cheeks heating up and sees her fiance staring at her questioningly. Quickly she looks at her hands, focusing on the threading of her sleeves.

"What is it?"

He asks in a steady and deep voice. It makes her blush deepen.

"I… I have a request."

Xiao Lang is still looking at her, his stare calculating as it always is, but this time she swears to herself that it will not intimidate her like it usually does. 

_ You have spoken normally with him before. _

"Yes?"

"You see there is a certain part of the ceremony I am not comfortable performing. I have never done this before and I…"

"I won’t deflower you until the wedding."

His voice cuts her short and Sakura’s head immediately shoots up to look at him. Shocked and horrified, she feels herself blush more as the words sink in. Raised as a proper lady, she never actually spoken of the act, let alone consider asking for it. So she squeaks when the meaning behind the words finally sinks in. Her court shield crumbling down that instant.

"I didn’t mean that!"

Her voice is higher by the octave and she barely resist the urge to shove him in his arm like she does to her brother when he says something utterly ridiculous. The Emperor smirks at her and in that moment she realizes he is jesting. She has just embarrassed herself in front of her future husband and all she wants is for her cheeks to stop burning and for herself to disappear for a moment or wipe his memory somehow. 

"You meant the kiss? You have never kissed anyone before?"

He asks and she can still hear the amusement in his voice. Xiao Lang leans on the railing and sets his goblet on it. 

Sakura can still feel her face burning, she can't even look at him properly. So she opts to play with her sleeve again.

"No, I have not."

The silk seems almost purple in this dim light.

"I just… I have never thought of it and now…"

Some laughter can be heard in the distance. Probably a few of the guest taking the ball to the gardens. Her cheeks tingle even more now and the feeling of his stare doesn’t help at all.

"I don’t want my first kiss to feel like an end to a transaction."

She finally manages to look at him when she says those words. Xiao Lang is staring at her and unlike before she can see now something melting in those eyes. Like when he talked about his father but stripped of that sadness. This stare makes her even more bashful than it was when it was cold. 

He stands straighter, the chains clacking with movement, but his eyes don’t leave hers.

"A deal."

He says. Sakura presses her lips together, sure that he will reject her in that moment. Once more she just wants to disappear.  

"It seems like everything is a deal when you are wearing a crown."

He taps the railing, his brows knitting together as he looks into the distance.

"But you are right. That shouldn’t be something to deal with. There should be something more."

There it is again; the spark of warmth in his eyes, a crack in his demeanor.

Sakura smiles nervously at him. She is glad she was wrong, glad that the tension suddenly disappeared. And she is glad that her fiance is something more than the Thunder Wolf. He is more than the Emperor. He seems to be even more than Xiao Lang of House Li. In moments like this she can see it. She just does not know what he truly is yet.

"That needs time."

She answers. Xiao Lang observes her for a moment, before he nods once.

"I suppose it does."

He steps closer to her and Sakura straightens momentarily. At times she forgets how tall he is. In that proximity she notices it even more.

"My Lady, may I?"

His voice is deep and smooth. His eyes shine in the faint light seeping through the balcony windows. And when he leans down Sakura can almost feel as if the world is shrinking in on her. 

It’s intimidating. 

He brings himself to her level, his hand resting upon her waist to bring her closer. Sakura gasps quietly at the touch, much more intimate than anything she has ever experienced before. 

And as he leans in, his breath tickling her cheeks Sakura instinctively closes her eyes. 

And then he kisses her.

It’s sweet and almost too delicate to be him. 

His lips brush hers once, then twice. Her lips part and he takes advantage to deepen the kiss slightly. 

Sakura grabs his forearm when she leans up for more, chasing his lips on an unknown instinct.

What was meant to be a part of a deal turned into a discovery.

There might have been a bit more as the touch of his hand turns from a delicate caress to a steady grip.

More kisses, more sensations, more something. 

The laughter rings in the gardens once more.

They both break apart suddenly.   

Xiao Lang immediately turns his attention to the gardens. His gaze studies all the pathways to find those making racus. 

Meanwhile Sakura finds herself staring at him. The scar she can see even in this dim light, the line of his profile, the red tint that has transferred from her lips to his. 

And as she is staring at him it hits her; this will be her husband. 

And for the first time she isn’t as terrified of it.

Because someone who has just treated her this gentle, this careful, can’t be monster. 

And as she thinks that, Xiao Lang’s face morphs into surprise.

"Look."

He points to the distance, causing Sakura to break out of her thoughts and search for what he is looking at. 

She can see it as clear as daylight; the pyres burning out on the hills.*

The spring Equinox. 

She has almost forgotten. 

The day was as long as the night now. 

The light starts to win against the darkness. 

And as she stands there, the fright she felt before melts from her heart bit by bit, she understands that it applies to her as well. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * In some slavic cultures the pyres were burned during the equinox. In most cases it connected with more celebration; such as the burning or drowning of the madder or painting eggs. Basically it all meant to chase away the Winter. Actually in my country the drowning of the madder is still practiced.
> 
> The slump is officially over, rejoice ladies and gents! 
> 
> I will be posting some drawings for this chapter on my tumblr within the next few days, so stay tuned for that! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

It's a small comfort. And on this day she would take any kind of comfort.

Her wedding dress looks nearly the same as that of her mother’s from the painting adoring her father's study. 

Her gown is off white, covering the length of her arms with a combination of silk and lace. The bodice is made of white silk covered with light lace in the center. Her skirt, as of usual is made with chiffon, a fair amount of fabric seems to mimic ocean waves as she moves. Her maiden cloak on the other hand is bright red held to her gown by broaches, one of the sun the other of the moon, the same sigils that adorn the cloak at its length. On top of her head is a lace veil heavily stitched with golden pearls, the exact same one her mother wore on her wedding day. And in that moment, Sakura looks almost like her.

"Oh, Sakura…"

Her father speaks and she looks up from the laces of her dress only to see him in the mirror. 

He is dressed in red and royal blue lined with gold embroidery. His crown sits upon his heavily combed hair. There are tears in his eyes as Sakura looks at him through the laces of her veil.

"You look beautiful."

Sakura smiles, even if her father’s tears are making her even more nervous. She knows that she can't cry though, her handmaidens just put kohl on her eyelashes. So she tries her best to fight back tears as she smiles at her father. He steps closer, his hands grabbing hers as he looks at her with all the love in his eyes.

"Such a dashing bride."

"Thank you, father."

Sakura squeezes his hands, feeling her eyes watering. 

She knows that this day marks the last moment as a Kinomoto, a princess, her father's daughter. And it makes her heart break.

But Sakura has lead this life of court, a life of masks and feigned strength long enough to bit back tears and smile at her father. After all he is the one giving her away to a foreign Emperor. She can feel sadness radiating off of him.

"Let's take you to your husband then."

  
  


The city shines, visibly brightened with flowers decorating houses, their petals adorning the streets as people throw them at their retinue. Sakura finds comfort in looking at the people, laughter glowing up their faces as they shout out her title, weaving to get her attention. 

Sakura knows that a royal wedding of this magnitude means that more traders were in town, more knights visit their establishment, more money in their pockets. Not to mention, all the leftover food from each of the banquets was given away to the orphaned and poor.

So when Sakura weaves them back she knows that this marriage has at least made her people happy. 

  
  


Even if most of the ceremonies and masses for the Gods are held in the Temple, the joinings of man and wife are reserved only for the Holy Grove*. 

The endlessness of trees spreading on the hill, creates an outstanding scenery behind the Temple. Sakura remembers being only five and running in the Grove, her feet bare and her laughter free as her mother and she paid their respects to Mokosh.

Back then, her mother told her she prayed for her to find love in her marriage one day. 

Sakura always thought her mother will be by her side then. She imagined her fixing her maiden cloak, squeezing her hand and telling her what a beautiful bride she is. But instead, her mother is buried in the palace crypts, cold stone her only companion.  

It's Tomoyo and Nadia standing beside her in the Temple, waiting for the guard to call them into the Grove. 

Tomoyo fixes her veil and gown, gushing over her as she checks every little detail of Sakura’s appearance that the handmaidens might have missed. 

Nadia on the other hand, places a bouquet of flowers in her hands. It's a beautiful white composition, tied together by white ribbons, creating a pattern of bows and knots. There are white freesias, cloves, some lilies of the valley, white roses and pulsatillas and even some little orange blossoms**. It surely is solely Nadia’s hand work. 

Sakura smiles at both of them, suddenly less saddened by the absence of her mother by her side. It could have been worse. 

She could not have them either. 

  
  


The Grove is silent. With only the closest to the Kinomoto family and the highest of rank among his officers present. 

His mother stands beside other Empire royals, having a hushed conversation with Lord Lun. She is dressed in such a complicated gown as if she wanted to outshine the bride. 

Xiao Lang knows that the little conversation they had upon her arrival is not enough for her to even accept the bride he had chosen without her consent. Sometimes she simply forgets how power shifted in their family, as of now, it is Xiao Lang’s decisions that matter the most. Even if he loves his mother, she needs to know it is him and not her ruling the empire. 

Choosing his Empress and withdrawing his mother from the battlefield are only the first steps in establishing his reign. 

Father always said when the time comes, his mother would try and rule through him. As much as he loved her, his father was always wary of his wife. And in the seventeen years of his life he taught Xiao Lang to be wary of her also. 

He can only hope she will not get in Sakura’s head. 

The door to the temple cracks open and Xiao Lang straightens his posture, mindful of his House cloak elegantly slipping of his shoulder. 

In that moment he truly understands why she is called the Light of the Coast. 

Even with her veil down, coming slightly onto her eyes, he can see them shining through. Her gown, an even more beautiful mix of fabrics than that of her mother, wraps around her silhouette perfectly. The jewelry clacks heavily every time she takes a steps towards him. She clutches her father’s shoulder as they step towards him into the Grove. 

A harpist plays soft tunes, filling the silence of the gathering. 

And as the King and his daughter stand before him, the father proceeds to unclasp the maiden cloak to take it off Sakura’s shoulders, the symbol of giving his daughter away to another house. 

Then he brings her hands to his lips in a silent goodbye and Xiao Lang can see his fiancé’s eyes dimming with tears, even through the lace falling on them. Xiao Lang extends his hand to them, breaking the moment between father and daughter. Fujitaka straightens before passing Sakura’s hand into Xiao Lang’s palm.

The monarch’s gaze is sad as it lingers on his daughter before falling on Xiao Lang. There is a moment of understanding between the rulers. ‘Don't hurt my daughter’ his eyes seem to say. The Thunder Wolf responds with a nod before gazing at his bride.

Sakura’s eyes linger on her father’s form a while longer before she finally looks at her betrothed. The green of her eyes seems to be brightened by the white draped on her form and the green of the Grove around them. He can see the nervousness in them but the only consolation he can show her now is by squeezing her hand. 

It seems to work, because as they approach the priest, she squeezes back.

"You may now cloak the bride and bring her under your protection."

The priest speaks in a booming voice that carries the Grove. 

Syaoran’s hand leaves hers before coming to the buckles of his cloak. It’s an emerald green heavy material that has fur on the lining and a great wolf on it’s back, stitched with gray and silver thread simultaneously. 

He drapes the cloak around her shoulders. The weight of the material brings some sort of reassurance with itself and Sakura feels it even more when she looks into his eyes. The copper of them is melting even if he is not really smiling.

"My lords, my ladies, we stand here in the sight of the Gods and men to witness the union of man and wife. One flesh, one life, one soul now and forever."

The Emperor reaches for her hand once more and this time they both bring their hands higher so that the priest can bind them further. The ribbon that is being tied around their joined hands is made of white silk with both their Houses sigils on each end, signifying the union this marriage will bring. 

Sakura’s hands are delicate against his rough skin. His were the hands of a warrior, scraped, scarred and calloused but strong. Hers were those of a lady, delicate and soft.

"Do you, Xiao Lang of House Li, take this woman as your wife and swear to protect her, care for her, be loyal to her, in sickness and in health from this day until the end of your days?"

They turn towards one another, their eyes finding themselves almost instantly. Sakura can feel her heartbeat in her ears when he looks at her, his mask on, his smile barely reaching his eyes. But there is something in them that tells her that she isn't the only one nervous.

"I do."

He swears, his voice loud and clear, every inch an Emperor. 

Even without his finest dark green garments, without the chains and pins of gold, without his crown of bronze, copper and gold, he would still be a ruler. It surprises her every time she thinks of it.

"Do you, Sakura of House Kinomoto, take this man as your husband and swear to stand by him, care for him and be loyal to him, in sickness and health from this day until the end of your days?"

She looks him in the eyes. 

Somehow she can't imagine it, to spend the rest of her life beside this man. 

To care for this man. 

To be his Empress. 

To give him children. 

To be there when one of them goes from this world. 

To love him. 

One day.

Maybe. 

If the Gods are good. 

It's only duty when she says:

"I do."

She swears in that moment there is a twitch to his mouth, almost a smile. She answers with one of her own, nervous but real. 

The priest starts to untie the ribbon as he speaks once more.

"Let it be known that Xiao Lang of House Li and Sakura of House Kinomoto are one heart, one flesh, one soul. Cursed be he who would seek to tear the asunder."

The rings are brought to them, a simple set of gold and copper, the only difference in hers being a small ruby planted within. 

Xiao Lang slips the ring on her finger and she does the same with his. Their hands linger on each other's skin and when Sakura looks up the Emperor starts to recite the last oath of the ceremony.

"With this kiss I pledge my love."

Xiao Lang leans in slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. On instinct Sakura closes her eyes and leans into it. The kiss is brief and quick, just a peck. And to her surprise it feels nothing like their previous kiss. Maybe because it still feels like a seal to the transaction. There is no spark this time, no intimacy. 

This is not for them. 

This is for their people.

The clearing is suddenly filled with claps from all the gathered and with that they break apart. For a moment they briefly look at each other before Xiao Lang nods his head as if he was asking: shall we? 

They turn to the gathered, their hands joined. Sakura squeezes his hand when he rises them, straightening his form as he puts one hand behind his back and starts to walk her towards the temple and then further. Inside, in front of the heavy bronze door she can clearly hear the people gathered outside. 

Suddenly the bells of the temple tower start to ring and even here the sound is almost deafening. 

She doesn't know what she does to alarm him. Maybe she squeezes his hand to tight. Maybe her breathing is too erratic. Or maybe she just simply looks as terrified as she feels.

"Breathe in and out."

At first he startles her, but she looks him in the eyes, his gaze intense as it lays on her. So she obeys and his eyes seem to relax as she does that several times.

"Good. You have nothing to fear. Keep your back straight and your chin high. You are my wife now, an Empress Consort."***

The door starts to open and when Sakura hears people cheering and the ringing of the bells becomes even more clear, she realizes something. 

It's exactly what she fears. 

She is no longer Sakura of House Kinomoto, Princess of the Clow Kingdom. Now she is Sakura of House Li, Empress Consort of the Northern Empire, bride of The Thunder Wolf. 

 

The thing Sakura definitely knows about the Northerners is that they are loud, very loud. It’s a good loud though, the kind that has her grinning when they start to drunkenly serenade for their new Empress. Even her husband is trying his best to hide a grin behind his cup. 

Xiao Lang gives her long looks every time he hears her giggle but turns around when she catches his stare. 

Her husband is not an open man, that she knows for sure. But there is this glint in his eyes, that echo of a smile on his lips that makes her hope further, that maybe this marriage won't be doomed into coldness, their lives only intertwined by any children they might have.

She fiddles with his fingers in her palm, more of a custom than any sign of affection. She can feel his stare fix on her when she does that, but she looks at the rest of the room.

From their place at the top of the table Sakura can see practically everything. Her father is talking to the Lords, the conversation looks cheery but Sakura doesn't know if it's because of the deal she just sealed or the wine in their hands. She also finds Empress Mother Yelan and in the same moment the woman looks at her. 

Sakura does her best to suppress the chill coming down her spine so instead she just grips Xiao Lang’s hand tighter. The Empress smiles but it's her court smile, the same that her son shares. So Sakura bows her head a little and puts on her fake smile. She knew that her new mother in-law is going to be a headache from the moment she saw her.

She feels her husband leaning to her.

"Something the matter?"

He asks, his voice a whisper. Sakura stops fiddling with his fingers. She looks into his eyes and for a moment she considers lying to him. But then she remember their conversations, there is no point in lying when all she wanted from this marriage was honesty.

"I think your lady mother despises me."

Sakura says after taking a long breath. She watches his eyes crinkle as he smiles. Sakura resists an urge to punch him in the arm, instead she grimaces but marvels at the way the copper in his eyes seems to melt.

"Don't worry, she despises everyone."

He says, voice still tainted with laughter.

Sakura sees him look briefly towards his mother before looking down at their joined hands.

"She even has a saying, ‘Everyone who isn't us is an enemy’. She is quite strict about that."

His eyes flicker to her and Sakura suppresses a scrawl. She really doesn't want to spend the rest of her life avoiding her mother in-law, maybe there is some way to make herself look good in front of her.

"So how does one become an ‘us’?"

She asks. A stern expression returns to Xiao Lang’s face as he looks at her. Sakura watches as he starts fiddling with his wedding band.

"I suppose you could try being useful in politics or training, show her you were the right choice for an empress."

Sakura nods slowly. She can surely do that. She was trained in politics from a young age, used to making alliencies and securing trading contracts. And since her mother died she took most of castle management responsibilities. She wanted to talk to him about that, but decided against it, a wedding feast, their own at that, was not the best place for such talks. She hears him draw a breath, which makes her look at him again.

"Above all, she won't fully recognize you until you bear a son."

Of course Sakura knows that, that in a couple of hours he will take away her maidenhood. She knows that it will be her duty to please him and she is scared. All the ladies seem to veil the act, talking about how horrible it can be. She knows however that she will have to do so anyway, there is no other way around it. She is an Empress now, her primal duty is to give the Empire an heir. 

So she nods, not even wanting to pick up the subject. 

The music changes suddenly, from the floaty rhythms of her country to the quick and lively songs of the North. 

Sakura reaches out for her wine cup when she hears her husband shuffle on her left, letting go of her hand. She turns to him then, only to see that he is standing up, stretching his hand to her. His eyes melt a little when he looks at her, a ghost of a smile on his face.

"May I have a dance, my lady?"

Sakura smiles and takes his hand. 

She was wondering why he didn't want to dance before, half expecting to seat for the whole feast. But only now has she realized how different the Northern music is compared to the low and slow tunes of the South. 

And as he brings them to the dancefloor, his hand coming to her back, she realizes that she doesn’t quite remember how should she dance to such music. Her husband on the other hand proves to be a remarkable dancer. His moves are clear as he leads them through the dancefloor, twirling her around and soon she doesn’t even think about her steps. His lead is so clear that she completely trusts him with every move they make. 

Sakura finds herself smiling brightly as he twirls her, making her skirt dance before her. She used to hate the slow and boring dances of the South, the only time she really enjoyed dancing was when her mother showed her the Northern dances she knew from home. It has been a long time she danced to them. She used to laugh so much with her then. 

Now in her husband's arms she feels like a little girl once again, not even trying to suppress her laugh when he lifts her up, as if she weighs nothing, only to twirl and set her on the other side. 

Sakura looks at her husband as he brings her closer to him while twirling among other couples and sees a smile returning to his face. It’s barely even there but she takes comfort in it. Soon the music changes and so do the dances, but they dance nonetheless, finding a language they did not know they share. 

Sakura can't stop smiling as she learns new dances, so different than that of the south. There is a lot of jumping, skipping and clapping, and the people seem so much more cheerful seeing the rulers dance among them, enjoying themselves like the pair of teenagers they were.

For a moment Sakura thinks that what she sees is a first glimpse of the real Xiao Lang.

The music comes to a stop and Sakura finds herself smiling brightly in her husband's arms. She looks him in the eye and sees him smiling, copper irises burning. They are both out of breath, sweat running on their skin. 

Sakura giggles, her head falling back as she adjusts her grip on his shoulders.

"I hope we will get to do this often."

She says, not even thinking about the words. Her husband huffs, but it's a far cry from the annoyed gesture she has come to know. 

Xiao Lang takes her hand and twirls her one more time, making her face their table, and bringing her to his side, sliding her hand into his arms grip.

"If it makes you happy."

His tone lacks excitement but it’s warm and Sakura knows that her husband is trying to be kind.

"You are an unexpectedly good dancer my Lord."

She praises him, when he moves her chair for her. Sakura nods in thanks as she sits down.

"Thank you. I have four older sisters, it was to be expected."

He says, sitting beside her as the waiters serve their meals along with some Northern vodka. Sakura drank it only after the ceremony as a custom, and unlike her husband who seem to fancy it more than sweet wine, she can barely stand it’s taste.

"I would love to meet them."

Xiao Lang huffs.

"Oh trust me you would not. They are on a private quest to make my life as difficult as they can."

Sakura manages to suppress a giggle bubbling in her chest.

"Older siblings tend to do that."

She notices and her husband hums in response.

"Are you sure my lady? Your brother has been trying to kill me with his stare since the ceremony started."

Sakura turns to her right, looking at her brother from the top of the table. She finds him only because of Nadia's bright hair beside him. Sakura giggles when she sees him glaring at her husband while eating his meal. Sure enough Nadia notices that too and flinches. Touya stammers and turns to his wife. Without doubt Nadia just kicked him under the table.

"Well, I am his only sister and you are taking me away. And yet he still calls me little monster when we are alone."

The Emperor takes a sip from his cup and looks at her. His eyes spark for a moment.

"I am sure he is more concerned about your maidenhood than anything else."

Sakura barely manages not to choke on her food as her husband watches her with those burning eyes. Her thoughts came back to what she had to do that night and immediately she could feel a pull in her stomach. 

Before the emperor could continue to dwell on the subject, Sakura heard the chairs shuffling on her left. A few Northern Lords stood up from their chairs, rising their clear glasses and start to chant.

"Bitter vodka! Bitter vodka!****

We won't drink it! 

The Young couple, the young couple should sweeten it!"

Soon the chants begin to ring through the room as more and more Northerners rise their cups, making the rhythm with their shoes and clasping to it. Sakura looks to her husband, confused.

"He is guilty of it! He is guilty of it!

He should kiss her to make up for it!"

The emperor seems pleased as the chant rises in the hall to the point when the band joined the shoes and claps.

"She is guilty of it! She is guilty of it!

She should kiss him to make up for it!"

Her husband rises from his seat and gives her a hand, motioning that she should do the same. Sakura, having a clearer image of what the Northerners want them to do, takes his hand. 

The chant repeats over and over again up until the point when Xiao Lang brings her closer to him, placing one hand just above her hip while another tilts her chin to his liking. Sakura, being still new to any kind of intimacy, brings her hands to his neck. 

The chant turns into all claps and whistles as Xiao Lang brings his lips to hers. She expects a quick kiss, stripped of any passion or emotion, a carbon copy of the wedding. But that is not what she gets. 

Instead Xiao Lang slowly moves his lips against hers and after a moment she responds naturally, shyly moving her lips against his. It reminds her of their kiss on the balcony. As Xiao Lang kisses her, he also tilts her, until Sakura is practically lying on his arms. As the chant dies down and his tongue slips in between her lips, melting with hers, Sakura is glad for his tight grip around her. 

Xiao Lang breaks the kiss when the claps and banging of shoes overtakes the melody becoming a complete mess. Sakura can swear that his eyes are burning when he looks at her again. His expression is stern but this shadow of a smile remained on his face. 

Sakura’s cheeks are burning alive, a blush spreading to her ears and neck. The moment doesn't even last a second as her husband settles her properly. The cheer comes back to the room along with a clatter of glasses. 

Xiao Lang picks up two glasses and hands her one. 

Sakura can’t mask her grimace as she takes it. She is only hoping to get used to the taste in time. Just like after the ceremony, they link elbows and drink to bottom. 

If that kiss was supposed to make the alcohol sweet, it failed miserably. 

Sakura nearly gags when she manages to swallow the whole drink. She hears her husband huff on her side as he suppresses a chuckle. Apparently the Northern Emperor finds her aversion to vodka amusing. 

Once again that night, she suppresses the urge to elbow him on the side. 

 

It’s nearing midnight, the music becoming calmer as guests main quest becomes to drink themselves into oblivion.

Sakura herself is sipping on her wine to ease some of her nervousness as well as out of boredom. She is too tired to dance, too nervous to eat, and her husband has been quiet for some time now.

"Isn't that Lady Daidouji?"

She hears Xiao Lang whisper loud enough for her to hear. Sakura turns to him at the mention of her friend and follows his gaze. 

Sure enough Tomoyo is sitting on one of the lower tables in all her glory, her beautiful lilac dress is simple (she was claiming not to outshine her the whole embroidery process which Sakura answered with a laugh) and her hair is up, decorated with silver accessories. Across her sits Xiao Lang's advisor and Hand; Hiiragizawa Eriol. Even from their place at the high table Sakura can see curiosity in Tomoyo's dark eyes.

"I wouldn't trust Eriol if I were you, my lady."

Sakura crookes her brow.

"Isn't Lord Hiiragizawa your Hand, my Lord?"

"He is. I trust him with my safety, my troops and politics. I just don't trust him when it comes to women, specially highborn."

Sakura's gaze settles on her friend once more as she takes a sip of her wine, finally getting light headed from it.

"Tomoyo is the wisest woman I have yet to meet my lord. I will trust her judgment."

The Emperor looks towards the table once more before nodding in agreement and they settle back into silence. 

Sakura finishes her wine and she feels her fingers go stiff in his palm, before deciding she has had enough. She just hopes that fear won't sober her up before they retire.

"Are you tired?"

Her husband asks as if on queue. 

Sakura feels her heart hammering against her ribcage before nodding slowly. He doesn’t say another word to her before standing up. Maybe if she didn't have a fearful prospect of her wedding night before her, she would be more impressed by the fact he only had to stand up to get the whole room's attention. 

He nudges slightly at her hand and Sakura stands up.

"We are thankful for your celebration of our marriage and we urge you to continue the feast further, however we must retire now. We hope you have a wonderful night."

Her husband’s voice rings through the room but Sakura barely makes out the words, nervousness clouding her mind. 

What she registers though is the moment he picks her up in his arms. Sakura doesn't suppress a gasp that leaves her then. She clutches to him on instinct and looks at him, but his copper eyes are focused on the room. There are claps and whistles, some shouts even as he carries her towards the main door. 

Sakura leans her head on his shoulder, trying her best to ignore the warmth of his hands on her body. Soon she would feel those hands beneath her dress and she tries to calm her breath at the thought. 

As soon as they are out the door Xiao Lang squire comes to them, a guard trailing closely behind him.

"My Lord?"

Sakura asks quietly, so only he could hear. Xiao Lang adverts his eyes to her, she can't help but shrink under his stare.

"You can put me down now. I am capable of walking to our chambers."

The Thunder Wolf scoffs at that.

"It's a custom, my Lady."

With that he averts his gaze once again and Sakura is left to her own thoughts, with silence only filled with clacking of their boots. That combined with Xiao Lang's body warmth would be enough to lull her into sleep if not for that being a constant reminder of what must she do. 

Soon she realizes that he is heading to her bedchamber, rather than his own and she dwells if he wants to cruely corrupt her childhood home or does he simply want her to be more at ease. 

Maybe that's for the better, maybe he can just finish and leave. 

His squire opens the door for them and Xiao Lang dismisses him as he puts her down to the ground.

"Your graces."

Her handmaiden, Hinami, startles Sakura as she emerges from the additional chamber.

"I will be right back."

The Emperor says as he passes Hinami in the threshold and goes into another room.  

Sakura starts getting rid of all her jewelry, suspecting it will get in the way.

She tries to calm her breath as she unpins her jewelry from her neck. Hinami stands behind her, pulling on the laces of her dress, helping her strip to her shift. Layers upon layers of chiffon, lace and silk comes off, slipping down her frame. But it's only when her corset comes off does Hinami turns to her. Her eyes are piercing as always but she is smiling, trying her best to encourage her princess.  

"Your grace, little dove, you need to relax."

Sakura takes a deep breath. Having Hinami here helps to soothe her down a bit. The woman squeezes her hands in hope that it will reduce their tremble. 

When Sakura breathes out, Hinami smiles.

"Good. Remember, it will be over before you know it."

And as Hinami says those words the doors to her additional chamber crack open. 

Her husband looks different without all gold and leather surrounding him. He looks soften in only a linen undershirt and a pair of pants. Still harsh but yet different. Younger. 

Hinami drops her hands after giving them a final squeeze. She curtseys to the Emperor and leaves the room rather quickly. 

And just like that they are alone. Sakura knows though just how many people could be outside of this room. How many people are awaiting a confirmation that this marriage was indeed consummated.

Sakura hugs her arms, as if she was trying to hide herself. 

Xiao Lang comes closer, so that he is standing in front of her. His expression is as serious as always but his eyes shine a bit, warming up when she looks into them. 

Hesitantly he reaches for her hands and she releases her hold on herself so he can take them in his palms.

"Relax. I promise, I will do anything I can for this to be less painful."

His voice is warm when he says that and Sakura can see the same warmth in his eyes, this time much more clear. 

Xiao Lang leans down and she can feel his breath on her skin when he pauses, taking in the sight of his young wife. Sakura’s cheeks are flushed, her eyes shut and lips parted. There is something endearing about the innocence she holds. 

Xiao Lang kisses her, just like he did during the feast and on the balcony. But this time he slips his tongue into her mouth earlier than before and Sakura can't help but moan. He brings her even closer, his hand tangling into her hair. Sakura responds by bringing her hands to his neck. She melts into the kiss when he tilts her head just so that his tongue touches her soffit. 

Xiao Lang breaks the kiss slowly and Sakura finds herself searching for his lips.

He picks her up, lifting her by her tights, his fingers ghosting at the edge of her shift. Maybe in another time Sakura would have laughed at the gesture but he is heading to the bed, his hot breath brushing her chest. She brings her arms around his shoulders creating a silence. 

He lowered her onto the bed so that they are sitting face to face. Once again Xiao Lang kisses her but this time his lips wander from her lips to her cheeks and jaw. Her breath hitches in her throat as he reaches the column of her neck. Sakura tangles her fingers into his hair. She feels a tingle in between her legs as he sucks on the delicate skin. 

She thinks of his kisses and the itch between her legs. It’s nice, gentle and sweet. Nadia said that the hotter she feels and the more wet she gets the less it will hurt. She already feels hot so she assumes that he intends to keep his promise. It makes her heart swell and for a second she forgets her nervousness. 

Xiao Lang’s kisses venture from her neck to her exposed collarbones, nibbling and sucking on her exposed skin. Sakura gasps as he does so.

His hand ventures down the length of her tight, hooking beneath her knee and going back up her inner thigh. When she feels his hand on her center her breath turns even more rapid. He does not stop kissing her when he slips one of his fingers inside of her. Sakura gasps at the foreign feeling, digging her nails into his skin. It's when he continues to put his finger in and out that her gasps turn into moans.

He kisses and nibbles, while she tugs on the laces of her shift exposing her breasts to him. And he showers these parts of her skin too, sucking on her nipples while his fingers continue to pleasure her. He pushes them around, angles them until her slit makes a sleek sound with her moisture. And when Sakura moans out of pure pleasure because that spot he just hit makes her feel like seeing stars, he picks up his rhythm focusing solely on that spot. 

Slowly Sakura feels something building up inside of her. A tight knot that keeps on tightening inside of her with every single thrust of his fingers. It’s a pleasure she has never experienced before. It makes her moan and gasp, a sweet border of pain that makes her beg for more as she nearly cries, digging her nails into his back. 

And as the knot let's go Sakura is a screaming and quivering mess. She barely registers calling out his name as she comes around his fingers.

Never in her life did she think that a man could bring her so much pleasure. 

Her mind is still clouded when she watches him undress himself. The shyness suddenly comes back and she brings her tights together as if to help ease the tingle between her legs. But It's no use as the sight of his toned and scared body only increases it. Sakura lifts her shift to busy her trembling hands. She hears the clacking of a buckle and the shyness is back when she sees Xiao Lang slip out of his pants. 

She has never seen a naked man let alone when it's member was fully erected. She can’t help but think how on earth is he going to fit inside of her. He chuckles at her expression and traces her bare form with eyes that only hold fire.

Xiao Lang places himself atop her entrance. His member brushing the silky skin. But he doesn't push into her right away. Instead he lowers himself so he can kiss her again. His hand finds hers and her fingers grasp his, almost frantically. 

His eyes are intense when he looks at her.

"Relax."

He murmurs. Sakura nods but she bites her lip, preparing for the pain. 

Finally Xiao Lang pushes into her slowly, but he doesn't stop until he is all the way into her. He doesn't suppress a hiss at the sensation of her tightness around him. Sakura draws a sharp breath and hisses at the pain but finds it barrable, after all her moon blood hurts much more than this. Her whimper brings him back to the more important matter.

"I won't move now. Not until you tell me it's alright to."

Sakura nods her head, but shuts her eyes, half expecting to spend the next few minutes in complete silence as his body hovered over her and his cock stretched her walls. But Xiao Lang kisses her again. It's gentle and sweet and soon he leaves her lips in favor of her neck. 

Her breath hitches in her throat, pleasure starts burning anew, making the pain she feels go away. After a few minutes of his mouth, licking, sucking and biting on her neck and nipples, Sakura involuntary jerk her hips. 

Taking it as a permission Xiao Lang meets her with his thrusts. The rhythm is slow at first, for Sakura hisses through her teeth a few times. It doesn't hurt as much as it is uncomfortable. She isn't used to having something within her, especially of that size. 

But soon his thrust grow confident as her hisses lessen and her breath becomes erratic again.

And just as the thrusts of his cock inside of her become pleasurable and her breathes turn into soft moans Xiao Lang finds his voice. His breathing becomes erratic, as does his tempo as a few grunts escape his lips. His lips brush her earlobe in a wet kiss.

"I won’t hold much longer."

He whispers with a grunt. Sakura hugs him to her and after a few more frantic thrusts she feels his member throbbing inside of her as he comes and spends himself inside of her, collapsing in the process. 

He rolls off of her, his breathing still erratic and his cheeks flushed. 

Sakura feels strangely hollow now, without him inside of her but at the same time she feels sore. She watches him for a second as he recovers his breath. 

When he finally does Syaoran turns to her and leans down so he can put the sheets tightly around her. And when he tugs them on her shoulders, something passes his face and after a moment of simply looking into her eyes he leans down. The kiss he places on her exposed forehead is short and sweet.

"Get some sleep."

He murmurs against her skin. Sakura can't do more than nod her head as she hugs the sheets to herself. She watches as he stands up from the bed, still naked like the day he was born, and starts to pick up his clothing, slipping it on one by one. 

Despite everything the sight still makes her bashful. Sakura closes her eyes, burying herself in the sheets. 

The door to her chambers open with a quiet squeak. 

She doesn't drift to sleep until it quietly close a few moments later. 

 

Standing in the threshold of her chambers, Xiao Lang gives her one more longing look, before closing the door behind him. 

His demeanor changes instantly as the murmurs of a conversation caught his ears. 

He has always hated that. Having four sisters meant he had gone through this eavesdropping many times. As a Crowned Prince he had to be a witness to this many times, stand in the hallway, listening, waiting for it to be finished. When he was little he hated listening to anything that was going on, not that he knew what exactly it was at first, or why he had to be there. So he only glued to his father’s side, trying not to fall asleep while leaning onto his father. When he grew older, he also grew curious, but that quickly turned into indifference, a chore. It felt weird still, everytime felt like he intruded on a private moment. 

Now it felt even worse, being on the other side of the door, being the one listened onto.

But he understands, he is an Emperor, a filar of an Empire, his marriage isn’t his alone. This is the final seal to the deal that has just been made and like any other transaction, this one too needs witnesses. 

He just can’t help to feel bitter about it. 

A group shuffles quite uncomfortable as Xiao Lang turns around. 

His mother is there, standing close to his Generals and Lords, she appears to be cut mid-conversation with King Fujitaka, who in turn is encircled with his son-whose gaze seem to have even more murderous intent in it now-and his Lords. Eriol stands a bit further from the circle, leaning against the window frame, looking amused (figures, if anyone would find this situation amusing, it would be Eriol).

The whole gathering stops dead in their tracks as soon as Xiao Lang turns around, all eyes on him. He sweeps them with his gaze, his posture straightening automatically and head cocking a bit when he says:

"Enjoyed the show?"

Eriol actually snickers in the background, quickly masking it with a cough that does absolutely nothing. Everybody is too speechless from his comment to even notice Eriol’s antics. They don’t say anything though ( as much as he knows his brother-in-law wants too) because he is the Emperor, and for once in his life Xiao Lang takes pleasure in that.

He turns around and starts walking down the hall, motioning for Eriol to follow him while he can still keep a semi-straight face.

"Go back to the feast! Dance! Drink! I am certain there is plenty of wine left!"

He says as he turns to descend the stairs to the lower level. They are halfway down to the lower level, which is the only way to the other wing, where their chambers are.

"Syaoran."

Xiao Lang stops at the sound of Fujitaka’s voice. He turns around to see him standing at the top of the stairs. He doesn’t have to question, already knowing what his new father-in-law wants to speak of. So he motions Eriol to go ahead without him and waits for the King to come closer.

"I...I did what I could to ease the pain, she should be alright tomorrow."

Xiao Lang says when Fujitaka is close enough for the conversation to be truly private. The elder clenches his jaw, but his expression relaxes quickly. A second passes before he speaks.

"Thank you for trying."

There is still some strain in his voice, and Xiao Lang finds it necessary to reassure him further.

"She is my wife now. I will take care of her."

Halfway through saying that Xiao Lang realizes how true the statement is. Love her or not she is a part of the pack now, an important addition to his family, a start of its new branch. It feels somehow surreal now that he thinks about it. 

Fujitaka relaxes momentarily, his lips curling into a small smile before he begins to climb back the stairs.

"I would expect nothing less."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *While you can mostly associate it with God's wood, the Holy Grove was present in many pogan cultures including Slavic cultures where it was the most crucial place of worship. 
> 
> **Ofc each flower has a meaning here:  
> white freesias - delicate, i am with you  
> cloves - purity, my feelings are pure  
> lilies of the valley - I want to make you happy  
> white roses - I promise to be loyal  
> pulsatillas - give me some time  
> orange blossoms - your life is my life
> 
> ***I feel like I should clarify something with this because well, it’s a common misconception to think that a woman married a King automatically becomes a Queen, that is not the case. While the wedding and the coronation were often combined into one ceremony out of convenience they are different by nature. And while it’s fairly okay to have them marry in a country other than the Empire it’s impossible to hold a coronation outside of the Imperial Capital. So yeah the coronation will take place in the future, for now Sakura is Empress Consort meaning that she is the wife of an Emperor. The title is similar to Yelan’s Empress Mother, both of them are empresses but none of them is The Empress, meaning that their titles don’t hold as much power.
> 
> ****That is a widely practiced custom (at least in Poland) and there is literally no wedding i have been to that did not have it. The words change from region to region but the main meaning behind them remains; the groom and the bride should kiss to make the vodka less bitter. I went off from the version commonly used in the region i live in, but i am by no means a great translator as you can see XD Also i wanted to give you a snippet of what it looks like during a typical reception, it’s in polish ofc(though they used the version i did)
> 
> This chapter marks the start of chapters being all above 6k words :)
> 
> And also to anyone wondering I passed my exam :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

 

Sakura wakes up sore and cold.

Her light sheets do nothing for the shiver of cold that spreads down her spine. Briefly she remembers Xiao Lang leaving last night. She knows he was trying to be gentle, which in a way clashed with his whole demeanor. He already did what he could to ease the pain, now he can only give her time. 

Sakura sits up on her bed, feeling weary of all her muscles even more than after training. She isn't surprised to find blood and seed on the covers, even if it catches her off guard for a moment. For many it will be a proof that she is his wife. It's the bruises she doesn’t expect, violet marks covering her tights, spreading like fire. 

Sakura takes her robe from the frame of the bed just in time for her handmaiden to come in. Hinami’s dark grey hair is styled in a sleek bun today. Despite her age her eyes always seem to pierce right through Sakura’s soul.

"Good morning your grace."

The woman bows as usual but today Sakura can see pity in those eyes of hers.

"I will prepare a special bath for you and get some ornaments from the medics."

Hinami was her handmaiden since Sakura can remember, always friendly with empathy that makes Sakura's heart swell. She used to sing her lullabies after her mother's death.

Today though Sakura just wants for the soreness to disappear. So she nods and sits on her couch next to the balcony where she left her unfinished work in the basket. Needlework always gets her mind off of things, even if that thing is the rest of her life.

"Sakura."

Apparently it worked too well for she did not hear Kerberos coming into the room. The Lion looks worried and Sakura has to run her fingers through his fur just to ease him a bit.

"How are you feeling?"

"I am fine. A little sore but nothing hurts."

Kerberos doesn’t say anything. He only jumps onto the couch and settles his head in Sakura’s lap. The woman smiles and goes back to her needlework, finding great comfort in her familiar’s presence. 

Soon enough Hinami comes back, claiming that her bath is ready. Kerberos grunts a bit and she scratches his ear to catch his attention. He only let's her stand up when she promises he can continue to nap while she is gone.

"Don't worry dove, the water with help."

Sakura doesn't recognize the herbs that Hinami added to the water but she is right, it does help. It washes away all the blood and brings a pleasant relief on her bruises and sore muscles. She can hear Hinami shuffle within her chamber, probably preparing a dress for today or changing the sheets.

"Is it always like that?"

Sakura asks, her head falling back onto the edge of the bathtub.

"I am afraid I do not know what he did dove."

Her tone is playful and makes Sakura blush at the thought. She turns to look at her handmaiden. Hinami is putting on fresh sheets while smiling at the girl.

"You know what I mean. Does it always hurt?"

Hinami stills her movement and sighs.

"If he is rough then it might. Was he?"

Sakura focuses her gaze on the scratches of the tub. Just thinking about it makes her feel… weird. He wasn't rough, rather he tried to be gentle, he kissed her, held her, she imagined he had bruises himself from where she clinged to him, but he didn’t wince. And the things he had done with his fingers… Gods it makes her ears tingle instantly.

"No… I don't think he was."

She says softly. Hinami smiles at that and hums quietly.

"Then it shouldn't hurt. Your body just needs to get used to it. Next time should be fine."

Sakura fells herself blush once more at the words, which makes Hinami giggle.

"You should be glad little dove, not all men are gentle."

Hinami says, coming closer a towel in hand.

"Although I feared he would be rough. He seems like such a cold man."

He does, Sakura thinks. It was what she feared, and what she thought the moment she saw those copper eyes staring at her in such a cold demeanor.

"I think… I think he is trying to be gentle."

Hinami hums again, the habit that Sakura got used to over the years.

"His servants brought ointments for you this morning. They said that: ‘The Emperor hopes they ease your discomfort’."

Sakura can hear the amusement in her handmaiden’s voice and when those blue eyes look at her, she can't help but smile.

"They also said that he will break his fast with you."

Sakura stiffens in her bath and then lets out a shaky breath.

"Let's get ready then."

 

 

Hinami does her hair in a complicated southern fashion Sakura will have to say goodbye to when she leaves with her new husband. She also finds an undergarment which ensures that Sakura won't constantly rub her tights, putting ease to her bruises. She feels uncomfortable either way, the soreness of her muscles and itch to her intimacy is enough to assure that she will be uncomfortable for the rest of the day. But she is grateful for even this slight relief. 

Hinami brings out a dress Sakura remembers being her mother’s, that is enough to make her heart swell. The gown is mint, embroidered with emerald thread creating a beautiful flower pattern on the sleeves and the skirt. She doesn’t know if her handmaiden chose the dress because of Queen Nadeshiko or because it’s the same color as her new House sigil. Either way Sakura can't help but feel a bit better wearing her mother’s dress. She bits back tears and for a moment wishes Nadeshiko was still alive. 

The door cracks open and Hinami greets her new husband with her most polite of tones. Sakura manages to get herself in order before turning to him. The Emperor is wearing a gray brown jacket embroidered with lighter thread that creates a complicated geometric pattern on the fabric. She is quite certain now that he favours earthly toned colors.

"Your Grace."

She says, bowing her head. She sees his brows crinkling at the title but the expression is gone quickly. Instead he comes closer and places a kiss on her hand. People are watching.

"Wife, how are you feeling?"

Sakura manages not to blush at the gesture. She looks him in the eye, the copper is melting slightly so that she knows he is sincere.

"I will be fine, my Lord. Thank you for the ointments you sent."

"There is no need."

He turns to the servants then.

"Leave us."

Two words yet in that voice they hold an overwhelming power. Sakura nods at Hinami, assuring her that indeed she will be fine. There is a clatter when the servants swarm out of the room and immediately she notices how his shoulders relax at the sound of the door closing.

"Let's eat then."

He seems more relaxed at the table, as if at this moment he doesn't want to be the Emperor. It is a nice thought, that maybe her husband wants her to be his safe harbor. As endearing as it’s childish. Sakura chews on her lobster while looking at the harbor visible from her balcony.

"Your grace."

She starts simply to get his attention. The fact that he only ate dairy products and pastries doesn’t escape her, obviously the sea diet she was so used to doesn't quite lay with him. He looks up.

"Call me Xiao Lang or Syaoran if it makes the pronunciation easier, we are married after all."

Sakura pauses. That’s a relief, calling him her lord all the time would be more of a headache than she could handle. She smiles at that and leans forward a bit.

"Then by all means call me Sakura."

She keeps herself from grinning and instead starts smiling madly. It's a small achievement, some sort of reassurance in all this madness. She looks back to her plate with a smile so wide that Xiao Lang has to keep himself from chuckling. She could be a dignified lady one moment and the next she was back to being a fifteen year old girl.  _ No, not a girl anymore, you took it from her, _ he reminds himself.

"You wanted to ask me something, didn't you?"

Sakura looks up from the plate, her smile changing into a surprise in a matter of seconds. Again Xiao Lang is reminded that his wife is not much older than a child. A child that will soon have children of her own.  

"I was wondering, when are you planning our leave?"

She asks, her formal tone coming back to her voice.

"A week at best."

Sakura tries to ignore the pull in her stomach so she turns back to the harbor. 

A week and she will have to say goodbye to her home, to waking up with the sound of waves hitting the rocks, the constant bickering with her brother, the gossips with Tomoyo, the needlework with Nadia, the political lessons with father. She feels like crying because putting a date on it suddenly makes it real. He must have noticed her eyes starting to water because not a moment later he asks:

"While we are in the war zone shall I arrange a separate tent for you?"

Sakura looks him in the eye for a brief moment. 

Being without him means being alone. She would have Kero sure, but the big cat usually either slept or hunted. Besides she swore to give this marriage a chance. He is busy as it is, she imagines that being in an active war zone would only increase the number of his responsibilities. It might be that she would only see him in evenings, maybe mornings. If she chooses to live alone, they would truly be strangers, only brought by duty of having children.

"I am your wife, I don't think that will be necessary."

A surprised expression appears on his face but it lasts only a second before it is replaced with a shadow of a smile.

"I will see to arranging more furs for you then. It gets cold in the mountains and i don’t think you are used to the climate."

Sakura winces at that, she has always hated the cold. Then she brightens up at another prospect.

"I have never seen snow."

He looks at her as if she has told him that the moon is green. Then he realizes that it must be true, her whole life has been bright and sunny coast. The Fang Keep during the winter will truly be shock to her.

"It can be beautiful. But you will get fed up with it while in the Capitol."

She hums at that.

"We will see."

"Do you want to take your handmaiden with us?"

Sakura grips her teacup a little tighter.

"No. She has a family here."

Her husband is silent for a moment.

"I will see to it then."

She shoots him a look, trying to figure out whether her husbands plots to kill her handmaidens family.

"Arrange you a new handmaiden that is."

He says, pretending not to see the look she gave him. He knows very well how she thinks of him, how everyone thinks of him. He sees her shuffle uncomfortably.

"Thank you."

She says and he looks at her briefly before nodding and going back to his meal. They eat quietly after that. Sakura notices that her husband lingers, drinking his tea while she finishes eating. Only when she sits back, her tea in hand that he look up at her. He is quiet though, making her a bit uncomfortable as she looks out of the balcony.

"I have something for you."

He says finally as he sets down his cup. Sakura turns to him just in time to see him rise from his seat. She immediately puts down her cup to accept the hand he stretches out to her. 

 

 

They walk quietly through the keep. Kerberos and Yun Lee are trailing before them and chatting to themselves. Sakura briefly thinks that the only reason Kerberos even tolerates her husband is his familiar. 

Syaoran is a head taller than her, making his pace a bit faster. It would be nothing really if not for the bruises making themselves known every step they make.

"Syaoran."

The name doesn't sit quite well on her tongue when she says it, but it gets his attention very quickly. She misses the way his eyes flash because of it.

"Something the matter?"

She blushes at the question but looks at him anyway, a shy smile appearing on her lips. Once again she missed the warmth melting his eyes.

"Can we walk a bit slower?"

She asks, her voice more quiet than usual as she doesn't want the guards to hear them clearly. His brows knit together and he leans down a bit.

"Are you in pain?"

Sakura keeps a smile on her face as she shakes her head.

"Just a bit sore."

"Sakura, you alright?"

The spouses turn to their familiars standing atop the stairs, only then realizing that their masters have stopped walking.

"I’m alright Kero!"

She says loudly and then turns to her husband.

"I really am."

Xiao Lang feels her grip on his arm tighten as she speaks. A pang of guilt spreads through his heart when he remembers her gasps of pain from last night. She is his wife, he is bound to protect her and yet he brought her pain. It was to be expected, but it still makes him feel a little uneasy. He releases his breath when he realizes they are still standing in the corridor.

"Just… tell me if you feel worse."

Her smile stretches but her emerald eyes hold some sort of sadness, maybe a bit of pain. They continue to walk, slower now and maybe it's just Sakura's imagination but she can feel his gaze on her more often. She realizes that while her husband is not an open man, he certainly is a loyal one. 

He leads her to the courtyard, a longer route than what she would take but she doesn’t say anything. She thinks for a moment that maybe they are going to the gardens but instead Syaoran stops at the stables. 

His squire goes ahead inside and Sakura looks to her husband, a bit confused. Syaoran only turns to their familiars. Sakura suppress a laugh when she sees the wolf and the lion playing tag in the yard. It is a reassuring thought, that Kerberos will be quick to adjust.

"Your graces."

Sakura turns to the squire and finds her breath hitch in her throat. He is holding the reins of a white mare, one of the most beautiful horses Sakura has ever seen. It’s pure white, almost silver in color.

"It's a custom in the North, the woman needs to be given a gift from her first lover."

_ Lover? _ Sakura thinks bitterly.  _ There is no love between us. _ But she disgards the thought, love needs time, it needs understanding.

"Is it mine?"

She asks, her emerald eyes glistening in wonder reminding Xiao Lang more and more of jewels shining in bright sun. 

He only manages to nod before his wife spuns out of his grasp and approaches the mare. He watches as she caresses it's nose, running her slender fingers through the stubble. She seems beyond happy, emerald eyes glistening, pure bliss on her face. She turn to him then.

"Thank you."

She says and once again Syaoran can only nod.

"You should name her."

His voice is warmer than usual, but still as deep. Sakura finds herself blushing as she looks into the mere’s eyes.

"Snow."

There is amusement in his voice when he speaks again.

"It sure fits."

Sakura turns to him, a smile still on her face. This time she sees it, the melting copper of his eyes.

"Can we go for a ride?"

She asks, her voice tangelet with excitement. She watches as something shifts in his expression.

"I don't think you should ride today. It'll hurt."

Sakura stops at the realization. He is right, while walking makes her uncomfortable, riding in a saddle would be asking for pure agony.

"He is right little mouse."

A new voice makes Sakura stiffen. 

The Empress Mother comes into the yard, her servants trailing closely behind. She is dignified as always, her gown made of finest materials, beautiful in it's simplicity. Her hair falls down her back in a smooth curtain of black exuding her strong but beautiful perfume. There is a smile on her face but it fails to reach her eyes.

"Mother."

"Your grace."

Sakura curtseys, not daring to look up at the Empress. In the corner of her eye she sees Syaoran stepping closer.

"I am your mother now, little mouse. And I see that I might be a grandmother soon."

Sakura lets herself look at her, feeling her breath hitch. There is a challenge in those dark eyes that hold the same coldness as her son's.

"That would be a true blessing from the Gods, lady Mother."

Sakura says in a rather happy tone because that isn't a complete lie. She doesn’t love the Emperor but she doesn't hate him either, rather she is willing to let herself get attached to him. Refusal would only bring them both more pain. A child, half of him and half of her would make it easier for her to hold him dear. 

Empress Mother smiles.

"And I will pray for it every day."

Her smiles doesn’t weaver when she says that and Sakura for a second let's herself wish that it is a true smile. At the same time though she draws comfort in her husband’s presence by her side.

"Is there something you needed mother?"

Syaoran asks and Sakura can feel the strain in his voice. She wonders if he remembers yesterday's conversation when she voiced her concern regarding her mother. 

Yelan turns to her son.

"I simply wanted some time with my new daughter, my dear."

Her eyes crinkle, as if she is amused with her son’s defense.  

"Besides your generals are looking for you Xiao."

"I am sure General…"

And as if on cue a young boy springs into the yard. He is dressed in a black jacket with emerald green lining, typical in the Empire’s army. 

Sakura doesn’t recognize him.

"Your Imperial majesty, General requests your presence in his quarters."

Xiao Lang sighs and turns to Sakura.

"I will see you later then, my Lady, mother."

Sakura’s stomach drops a bit when he takes her hand in his and kisses it before turning around and following the adjutant. She wants to curse him for leaving her alone with his mother. Thankfully Yun Lee follows him faithfully, which means that Kerberos is quick to return to her side, wordlessly plastering himself into her skirts.

Both ladies follow Syaoran with their gazes, up until his silhouette disappears behind the palace doors. Only then does Yelan turn to her.

"Would you care to join me for sewing, little mouse?"

And really, what other choice does she have?

 

 

The room is quiet and while it's quite common when Sakura sews in company, she has to admit it is always a nice silence. Therapeutic almost. 

But not this time. 

For now it's tense, every lauder noise making the young consort almost jump in her seat. And if her new mother notices, she doesn't say a word about it.

For a while they just sit in Sakura’s rooms, their needles going back and forth into the material. The servants have already brought out some sweets and tea for them, and Kero has managed to fall asleep at Sakura’s feet, nuzzling into her skirts with his snout.  

"I was a bit younger than you when I married Xiong Lang."

Yelan’s voice startles the younger lot, it’s clear and calm, but in the silence of the room it sounds particularly loud. The former princess looks up at her from her work. 

Yelan’s eyes seem to soften a bit when she looks at Sakura, the tale of her young life slipping off her tongue.

"But I think I was your age when I bore my first daughter… I imagine your mother didn't have the time to tell you what it actually means to be a wife."

Sakura only shakes her head at that. Queen Nadeshiko died when Sakura was seven, much too soon to begin any conversations in that area.

She pierces the needle through the material, setting it down on her skirts, as to show the Empress that she has all of her attention.

"Unlike you I was not of a royal bloodline. My mother was not a Queen therefore I was not a Princess. So she did not know what it meant to be a wife of a ruler. She thought to teach me everything about politics and court she could. In every way my family brought me up a perfect lady, a perfect material for an Empress."

A smile dances on her lips when she speaks of her family, it’s frail but Sakura has noticed it immediately. It quickly fades though when she utters her next words.

"But I soon realized how wrong they were. You see, they were so focused on shaping me to be a leader, they forgot I was supposed to be the wife of one."

"Many have probably told you that your duty to the people is the most important job you will have."

Sakura nods slightly. 

Ever since she was young enough to grasp the concept of the difference in her blood, or maybe even before that, many told her how the people depend on her, on her family, and that it’s her duty to not let them down.

Her response makes Yelan smirk.

"That's a load of horse shit dear."

Sakura blinks repeatedly. Not only because of the boldness of her statement, but also because of how unlike the Empress it sounds. Yet not a sound escapes Sakura and she watches Yelan lean back on the sofa, her eyes still on the consort.  

"He is the job. The most important one you will ever have, aside from your children that is."

Sakura straightens herself in her seat, not even daring to break eye contact. 

In a way she always knew that, but not to what extent. Her mother was always behind her father’s back, nearly a shadow. But as a child Sakura didn’t know the nuances of it all. No one, not even Nadia could prepare her for the situation she has married herself into.

There is only one thing she doesn't understand.

"Why are you telling me this?"

Ever since Sakura met the Empress Mother, the latter did nothing but openly despise her, with all her no so secrete looks and cold manners. And now she is actually advising her? 

Not that Sakura isn’t grateful, on the contrary she couldn’t hope for a more helpful source of advice. She is just surprised. 

The Empress smiles at her lightly.

"Because no one told this to me in time and both me and Xiong Lang suffered for it. I didn't know how to be a wife. I didn't even know how to support my husband, not even that I should. I don't want my son to suffer as we did. I don't want you to take years until you reach understanding in this marriage."

That makes a lot more sense than the Empress suddenly changing her opinion of Sakura. She can’t possibly understand just how strong the desire to help your own child is, yet she is thankful for it.

"Then… What should I know?"

"Have you ever heard a saying:‘the wolven Emperors, their fangs sharp, their claws iron, fear thee that dares defy their rule’?. That’s propaganda dear, one that you are to keep, but not listen too."

Sakura doesn't think that there is a person on this continent that never heard those words. A saying that was solidified in this world by countless wars won, by blood spilled and by a crown, one that for centuries has been put onto the heads of Li.

"In truth they are broken, broken men that need us to help them stand. Xiao Lang needs to know that he can be vulnerable around you. Right now he has his shields up, you need to work for them to break down whenever you are alone. He needs to know he can trust you, completely. And once he does, listen to him girl, let him pour out all of his worries to you and let him listen to yours. You are meant to trust each other completely."

Sakura carefully nods her head, even though she can't quite see it. Syaoran is still a mystery to her but in many ways he is as strong and cold as she thought he would be. Nothing seems broken in this man other than his ability to trust. 

And yet she believes Yelan. 

Because Sakura doesn’t truly know him and certainly not as Yelan does. The consort has already seen a glimpse of someone other than the Thunder Wolf in her husband, she imagined that it could truly be that under his facade of stone stood a broken man. One that she would have to mend, somehow. Better yet, one that she would have to trust with her life.

"You are to be his moral support, his consciousness, his safe harbor, his strength. You step in when he can't and pull him out when you see him crumbling. He is a filar of this Empire, but you are his."

"Often you will have to advise him. When you do I suggest you do it as cautiously as you can when you are in presence of others. But if you are alone you can say whatever you want to. The Li men are stubborn, thick headed and proud, but they are loyal. Spell it out and give it time, they will listen."

He has already sought her out, Sakura realizes. He utilized her talents, seeking her advice on the matter he knew she was skilled in. Perhaps this particular subject wouldn't be so hard to achieve.

"And most important of all be responsive. Believe me, just lying there when you are with him won't give any of you pleasure. And it really helps to conceive if you are taking pleasure in it."

Sakura can feel her cheeks heating up furiously, her gaze instinctively dropping to her skirts.

"I... I understand."

Is all she manages to utter. Suddenly Yelan’s laughter sounds in the room, but even that can't quite get rid of Sakura’s embarrassment.

"Oh you are still an innocent one little mouse."

Yelan’s voice is still intertwined with laughter, her dark eyes are sparkling a bit, much unlike her usual cold demeanor. Sakura can feel her cheeks heating up a bit more.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about dear. In due time you will learn."

Sakura doesn't know what puts her more at ease, all of Yelan’s advice or the fact that she is smiling at her. Maybe a bit of both. 

But before the two Empresses can continue their conversation they are interrupted by a knock on Sakura’s chamber door. 

Startled, Sakura answers. One of Empress’ Yelan handmaidens opens the door and curtseys deeply before them.

"Your majesties. An urgent letter from the capitol has arrived for you, my Lady."

Yune sighs deeply and hands over her needlework to the girl before standing up. Sakura herself stands up to properly send Yune off, which in turn startles Kerberos who was napping at her feet. He doesn't yap though, only changes his position and continues his sleep.

"I am afraid little dove that we shall finish this conversation on another occasion."

"I would like that very much. I am very grateful for your advice Lady Mother."

"Of course dear."

Sakura smiles, curtseying before Yune as the latter makes her way out of her new daughter’s chambers. She stops midway turning back slightly so she can look Sakura in the eye once more.

"Do prove me wrong dear."

And with that she leaves completely, only the smell of her strong perfume remaining behind her. Sakura keeps standing for a few more seconds trying to figure out what her mother in-law has meant by that. 

 

 

It is two days later that they go for a ride. 

The wind is at it that day, brushing the already long grass on the willows of the palace grounds. Thankfully it is not cold, so Sakura can shed the additional layer Hinami forced on her that morning. Syaoran too seems a bit warm, as he has already undone the top lacing of his duvet. He is riding beside Sakura, his eyes taking the sight surrounding them in a much more conscious manner than hers. 

Their retinue of course is close behind. For even on Palace grounds, at least twenty men are accompanying them on their ride.

"That forest… It looks different than the others."

Sakura turns to Syaoran so she can know what he is talking about. He points to the forest at the edge of  the willow they are riding on. One look is all it takes to know what he is talking about.

Contrary to sukulent and sparse forests of the Clow Kingdom this one seems almost as if it was planted here from some faraway land. The trees are wide and blooming, their branches almost intertwining with themselves creating an out of place mozaic. 

She can feel her fingers stiffen with nerves just by looking at it.

"That's my mother’s forest."

She says delicately. 

It's not that she doesn't go there. On the contrary she prefers it to the humid and cold crypts, even though it is where her mother's bones laid, it's in that forest where Sakura really feels her.

"Your mother's?"

"Yes, she planted it. Her magic helped it grow into what it is."

"That's… Impressive."

For a moment Sakura watches as the Emperor stares at her mother's creation, probably not quite believing that in what was not even three decades a forest could grow as much. At times she doesn’t believe it either, what a powerful magi her mother had been.

"Are we going there?"

He asks suddenly, turning his head almost like Yun Lee does when she sees something new.

"No. Not today."

It just seems personal. 

Only the royal family visits that forest and even if technically Syaoran is her family now it doesn't feel right. Maybe when it does, maybe then she will show it to him. 

But that sounds like a complete rejection so Sakura quickly follows:

"Today we are going to MY favorite place."

With that she smiles cokly and brushes her horses sides with her heels to let him know they need to run. Sure enough the horse listens and eagerly springs into a gallop. Her husband is perplexed for a moment but quickly catches on. Sakura can hear his horse’s quick steps behind her. 

She can also hear their retinue galloping after them, frantic because of a sudden change in pace. Half of them probably didn't realise what was happening before they were gone. 

Snow happens to be a strong and fast mare but also a tame one. It reacts to even slight nudges and strain on the reins. Syaoran’s black mare seems to be the same because soon her husband rides by her side. 

It’s a constant cat and mouse chase until Sakura takes a sharp turn, causing Syaoran to stop and adjust. And just like that it's Sakura who first arrives at their destination. 

The beach is empty at this side, as it's closest to the castle but away from the harbour. The sand is white and the waves sound a constant pattern as they hit the shore. From here the harbor as well as the castle towering at the rock cliff above them can both be seen. 

Sakura turns in her saddle, a laugh that was bubbling in her stomach, now breaks free. Her husband has his sly grin on when he stops beside her.

"That was cheating."

He states but the copper of his eyes is melting as they linger on her laughing face.

"Aw you are just a sore loser, my Lord Husband."

He huffs, but he helps her off her horse while she is still giggling. 

And maybe as an act of revenge or maybe because of the playfulness of the mood, but instead of settling her on the ground he flips her over his shoulder and starts to carry her towards the sea. 

Sakura laughs as she tries to wiggle out of his grip. A few screeches escape her as Syaoran enters the water with his full riding gear on. The waves hit the leather, and sprinkle onto her face.

Finally though he sets her into the water and she jumps because of it's freezing temperature. The water soaks her skirts and flows into her riding shoes. 

Sakura clenches her teeth, anger and irritation boiling in her as her husband grins, his eyes sparkling in mischief. That gives her the urge to wipe that grin from his face. She quickly reaches down and splashes some water on him. Syaoran barely has time to cover his face before he is soaking wet. 

Sakura bursts out laughing. 

He smears the water out of his eyes before opening them and as he does their glint is back. Sakura starts to run but doesn't have the time before she is splashed herself. And just like that a fight ensues, by the end of which they are both soaking wet and Sakura giggles like a mad woman. 

Good thing the sun is out today.

"Like I said, a sore loser indeed."

Syaoran just answers with a dry laugh and helps her out of the water. 

By the time they are out, their servants have already prepared everything that Sakura has asked them for before departing. A blanket is laid out in the sun as well as some beverages and food.

Both royals walk up to it and Hinami almost immediately tells her to loose some of her skirts and overgarments as well as her boots. By the time she is finished and tightly wrapped in a warm blanket Syaoran has already lost his boots and jacket and is basking in the sun laid down on their blanket. 

Sakura settles down next to him and they flow into a conversation while eating their lunch. There are tarts, some bread, cheeses and meat. Sakura made sure that she didn't ask for much seafood since her husband isn't that fond of it.

They talk politics, trade, magic and in between they talk about themselves. Syaoran tells her of the time his father taught him how to swim. Sakura herself recalls how she nearly drowned because she found a loose pearl at the bottom of the ocean and wanted it far too eagerly. But also, they stay silent, just listening to the waves hitting the shore and watching the ships sailing into the harbor. 

It’s relaxing that way, staying silent and just being. 

For a moment Sakura almost forgets who they are, she forgets their retinue roaming around, she forgets their titles and responsibilities that still need to be tended to. She watches as Syaoran basks in the spring sun, his eyes closed. This is the very first moment that she has seen him completely relaxed. He always has his shields up, his gaze always calculating, like he is always ready to strike or defend. 

A part of her is proud of herself for being the one to cause this. 

She turns towards the sun, closing her eyes and letting the rays dry the water into salt on her skin, basking in the warmth they provided.

"Thank you for this."

His voice is quiet, barely above the whisper. Sakura turns to him, surprised to say the least. He doesn’t look at her, watching the sky instead. Maybe she is seeing things, but there is blush spreading on his cheeks.

"You are welcome."

She answers, a smile stretching her lips and reaching her eyes. Sakura turns her gaze to the sky and together they watch the clouds shifting before their eyes.

For a few moments more, they can just be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION!: I will probably be going on a break for the month of October, since litterally tommorow I am going back to my Uni (aka Hell, aka chemistry will devour my life). I will be back either when I start writing again or when November comes around. God help I pray it will be the second one.   
> Also there is a pride parade in the city where I live for Uni! It will be so much fun! :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

The day prior to their departure is also the day of Sakura’s sixteenth nameday.

It feels surreal to think that tomorrow she will leave with her husband. Logically, she knows she will see Tomoeda again but it will be a long time before it is so. Maybe by then, it will be her own children running in these corridors. 

Kerberos wakes her up that day, nuzzling his snout onto her face, wishing her happy nameday in a sleepy, raspy voice, Sakura answers him by hugging his giant form like she did when he was a kitty. At least she will always have him.

Sakura can see the sadness in Hinami’s eyes when the handmaiden walks into her bedchamber. She braids the former princess’ hair in a beautiful pattern that resembles a crown before helping her into one of her gowns. Today it’s her favorite, light pink with white embroidery. Sakura doesn’t know whom it helps more, herself or Hinami. 

They finish just in time for her husband to knock on the door. He is dressed in dark green and gray today. Put together as always even though she can see the circles under his eyes deepened since yesterday.

"My Lady Wife, happy nameday."

He greets her, gathering her hands in his to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. 

Sakura curtseys, a small smile appearing on her face.

"Thank you, Lord Husband."

At the same time Yun Lee comes forward from behind her master.

"Happy nameday Sakura."

Sakura smiles at the familiar, feeling relieved to see the familiar warming up to her.

"Thank you, Lun Lee."

The familiar nods her head and steps into another part of the room, probably to find Kerberos, maybe with her, he will finally wake up.

In the meantime Syaoran reaches between his robes to retrieve a small velvet box.

"Here."

Sakura stares at the gift for a second. To be quite honest she did not expect anything from him on such short notice. But she smiles and curiously opens up the lid. 

It's a ring. A marvelously detailed but stripped of any jewels. The carving nearly makes her gasp. It's the sunstar taken from her family's sigil and on top of it a wolf, the exact replica of the Li House sigil.

Sakura looks up at her husband, giddy and unsure of how she should thank him.

"Give me your hand."

He says, possibly noticing her distress. Sakura obliges, letting him slip the ring on her index finger. It's a perfect fit.

"It's beautiful. Thank you."

On an impulse, she goes on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek, pressing her lips to his cheekbone at the edge of a scar. 

She has thought about it before, how he would react if she were to do it. To her surprise when she steps back, cheeks reddening a bit, Syaoran is speechless. He stares at her for a moment, copper eyes studying her face closely. This time Sakura is sure she sees a light blush on his cheeks. For a second she wonders if he ever received affection from a woman who wasn't paid for it, or who gave him attention only because of his status. If giving him affection will let her see the real him, she will have to keep giving. It may bring his shields down, and as Yelan said, if she wants to be successful in her marriage she needs to work on them. 

Syaoran clears his throat and looks away for a second before stretching his hand out to her.

"Shall we? Your family is already waiting for us."

Sakura slips her hand into his grip, letting him place it in the crook of his elbow as they leave her rooms. Thankfully Yun Lee was able to drag Kerberos out of bed somehow so they all are able to leave for breakfast without further delay. Not that Kerberos is happy about it.

It's a bustling morning in the castle as every officer and royal pack their belongings before heading back to the camp or in some cases their respective estates. Sakura is sure that her own handmaidens have already packed all of her dresses and jewelry as well as all the personal belongings she has asked for. It’s a bitter feeling, to see all of those things she has come to identify with home, packed neatly into wooden chests. 

The fact that she always knew this day would come didn’t help at all if anything it made her more bitter. Such is a fate of a lady. 

Her whole family is already waiting for them when they enter the dining room. 

Tomoyo is the first to tackle her. Her cousin comes to her with a bright smile and envelopes her in a hug so tight it would crush her ribs if the corset wasn’t already doing that job. Tomoyo promises that her present is ready, but she will have to wait for it until the evening. 

Next is Nadia, a motherly smile on her face as she embraces Sakura gently. She wishes her happy nameday, and Sakura is painfully reminded that it is the first and last birthday she will share with her. She also remembers Nadia’s own birthday, only a months after her wedding. It was a time when Sakura thought of Nadia’s smile as the reward for her personal quest in making her happy in their home. And their day full of rides, cakes, and silly dances has been the first one when she achieved that. Nadia gifts her a bag, and even from afar Sakura can tell the embroidery of her sister’s needle on the pink silk. 

Touya pats her on her head, stoic as always and just as sarcastic. But he presents her with a new diary, and from the cover, she can tell that just like her past copies, this one too was made in Euno’i. Just as their mother’s were. 

Yukito as always matches her brother’s theme. Gifting her with a warm smile and a wooden case with a sunstar on its lid and a compartment full of beautiful writing feathers. 

Her father comes up to her with a pile of novels and a smile on his face, it’s a sad smile though, the kind he always wears when talking about her mother. The books were once hers, and she bestowed that upon him to gift them to Sakura on her sixteenth birthday or her wedding day, if that comes to life sooner. Sakura stares at the books, their covers’ ragged with use. She wants to read them, wants to know the reason why her mother would leave such things behind for her, what secrets do they hold, what were the last words of her long-dead mother. 

But then Empress Yelan comes forward.

Stoic, and poised as ever she wishes her happy nameday and presents her with boxes upon boxes of silks, dresses and ribbons. They were green, silver, and white, her husband’s colors, her new colors. She remembered giving such things to Nadia, all blue, gold, and red like their family sigil. A welcoming gift of the sort, as if she was saying she accepts her without having to actually form the words. 

And now it is Sakura’s turn to receive such a gift.

They break their fast without rush or hurry, chatting among themselves as the food slowly disappears from the table. Somewhere along the way King Fujitaka suggests going for a ride. Everybody seconds the idea, suggesting places and time.

"Will you be joining us, brother?"

Touya says, practically spitting the word brother. A wave of anger and embarrassment washes over Sakura, and she wishes the table was more narrow, so she could kick him in the shins. But she can’t, so she quickly turns to her husband, hand flying to rest on his forearm. 

Syaoran looks confused for a moment, fork halfway to his mouth, a pastry stabbed on there. He didn’t realize the question was addressed to him. Finally, he turns to her brother, not openly acknowledging her touch.

"I am afraid not. I have urgent matters to attend to before we depart in the morrow."

His tone is as calm as always and it makes Sakura immediately lay her hand back on her lap. He looks at her then, and somehow, maybe from the expression of his eyes, she knows that it mattered. That she, having his back mattered, even if it was showed only through a small touch.

"Besides, I think my Lady Wife will appreciate spending her birthday with her family, brother."

He turns back to Touya, his voice cold while saying the words, accent put strongly on every syllable of the word ‘brother’. 

Their eyes meet and for a moment the whole company is just a third wheel in their private staring contest.

"I agree with Xiao Lang, I must decline as well."

Empress Yelan breaks the silence, probably wanting to stop the tension that grew in the room. It works immediately, everybody starts to pick up the conversation easily. Sakura swears she sees Nadia kicking Touya under the table gently and mouthing subtly; ‘We have talked about this.’

She herself looks at Syaoran and whispers quietly.

"I am sorry."

He just shrugs, and for now, they leave it at that. 

  
  


Unlike the rest of the castle, the crypts were built from white sandstone, covering the floor, the walls and climbing up to the low curved ceiling. Sakura passes the statues of her ancestors, candles adorning the stone at their feet, fashioned with some flowers. Sakura remembers her mother’s ritual of going here every week to change the flowers and candles. She always claimed it was a way of paying their respects. 

Sakura remembered the Sunday after her death. 

She went here alone. 

A small, sobbing child with candles and flowers in her basket. Still not realizing she was left behind. That no matter what she did mother wouldn’t come back to her.

Touya found her a few hours later, crouched down before her mother’s grave not able to change out the candles, with tears streaming down her face. 

It got better over the years. 

Sakura still goes down here every Sunday, a basket of flowers and candles in hand, her mother’s songs on her lips. It filled the hole in her heart, even if only by a bit. 

Tomorrow she will have to say goodbye to that little ritual as well. 

Her father stands exactly where she expects him to be, before her mother’s coffin. The candles on her statue are new, their wax barely melted. Fujitaka stands before it, his eyes focused on the stone carved face of his late wife.

"It’s harder to do this without you, my love."

Fujitaka’s voice is barely above a whisper, yet even in that whisper, Sakura can hear all of his pain. Her father is always a strong man. Even when he laid the love of his life to rest. But somehow losing his youngest child hurt much more, even if he knows she would still live. Maybe that was the saddest part, that he would never see his girl grow into a woman, a wife, a mother. One day he would visit her and his girl will be gone, replaced by the Wolven Empress.  

Sakura stands to his left, silent just as the statue of her Great Grandfather to her side. That is until she hears those words. The words that finally make her break.  

"Please, watch over our girl."

"Oh, Father."

Fujitaka turns to Sakura just in time to see her enveloping him in a tight hug.

"Sakura."

He whispers, his arms immediately going up to embrace his daughter. His chin rests on top of her head as she cuddles closer to him, resting her cheek in the crook of his neck.

"It’s hard to let you go, my dear."

He confesses, his voice a whisper. Sakura leans back, her father's arms still envelop her but she can look him in the eyes. Her eyes, Nadeshiko’s eyes are looking up at him, glassy but hopeful.

"You have to, that’s just how life works. You have taught me that."

She says, a sad smile stretching her lips, but she doesn't let the tears fall, at least not yet.

"Besides I will always be your little girl. No matter what."

Her father smiles at these words, his eyes glassy as he looks at her. Sakura quickly recognizes the look he wore when she first showed talent in magic, during her first ball, on her thirteenth nameday, on her wedding day...that is the look he always wears when he realizes that she is growing up, that she will leave him soon. 

Fujitaka sniffles quietly, his tears are shed as quietly as hers. He chuckles quietly, nervously, sadly.

"Your mother would be so much better at this."

She would. Because she knew how it feels like, to be thrust into another family and ripped out of her own, forced to find happiness alongside a stranger. It will take time. Time Sakura doesn’t even know if they have with the war raging just behind the border, but she can hope. And so she does.

"Maybe. But I am glad I have you."

Is what she says, holding onto her father’s frame, the arms that have always been a synonym of safety. His lips twitch in a smile like he isn’t sure he wants to keep crying or say something. In the end, he pulls her into the hug once again, this time pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

"I will pray to the Gods to let you be happy, my little star."

The words are whispered against her hair, hushed and meant only for her. She clutches at his jacket, a few seconds more, she tells herself as she sways in his embrace. 

Let me be this little girl once more. 

But their family is waiting and time won’t stop just because she wants it to. So she steps back, a smile on her face even though her cheeks are wet and her voice nearly breaks. Her father smiles back at her as she tugs at his jacket and slowly backs up towards the stairs.

"Come on, you have promised me a ride."

Fujitaka chuckles, the sound vibrating through the catacombs. 

  
  


Her new mare is a sturdy but also an obedient horse, much more than her previous one. Compared to him Snow is a fast but tamed animal that _ —  _ as she discovered _ —  _ likes to be patted quite often. 

Sakura watches as Kerberos springs through the hills only a blur of gold in the fields of green. He had this rare jumps of energy he was apparently eager to burn out quickly. He will surely nap the whole afternoon after this.

Touya is on his black mare beside her, as his wife is captured in an animated conversation with Tomoyo behind them. From what Sakura caught they were talking about the baby and just how many tiny clothes Tomoyo plans to make. 

There is this glint in her brother’s eyes, one that nearly screams challenge without him uttering a word. But Sakura has known him her whole life. 

Nearly at the same time, they nudge their horses to a full gallop. She can hear their father shouting something behind them, but the adrenaline is rushing through her veins and she dismisses it quickly, focusing fully on outriding her brother. 

She doesn't know how long they are at it, outriding each other but in the end, it's Sakura that triumphantly looks back at him as she stops at the edge of a grove. 

Touya rides close behind with a gentle smile on his face. That makes Sakura stop in her tracks.

"Wait! You didn't let me win, did you?!"

Touya smirks more at that, riding slowly past her.

"We will never know now, will we?"

That makes Sakura look into the sky, sending a quick prayer to Perun* to send her patience with her brother.

"Brother!"

She hisses through gritted teeth, earning a laugh from the elder sibling. But it quickly dies down as the realization hits them, this is the last time. The last time that they get to do that freely, the last time they are just brother and sister. Because now Sakura is also a wife and in that world, it means all the difference. The next time they see each other Sakura will be an Empress, mayhaps a mother and Touya will surely be a father.

"Remember how much our mother loved these woods?"

Touya starts all of the sudden as they ride through the narrow paths of the forest. Sakura hums at that. She does remember, even if it's just bits and pieces. Her mother's dress, her dark hair against the green of the forest. It's mostly gone, but Sakura remembers the warmth of it. Of her. 

And her songs.

"Yes, she always sang that song here, didn't she?"

Touya chuckles, nodding his head. Sakura doesn't remember the lyrics at all by now, only the general melody and a part of a chorus. So instead of singing, she hums. Sure enough, Touya joined her. Their humming fills the forest, mixing with the songs of the birds. They chuckle as one of them recalls a word or part of the lyrics, their laughter completing the melody. It’s at that moment, that they both can truly feel their mother’s presence. She seems to be everywhere, in the sough of the trees and grass, in the warmth of spring sun on their skin, in their songs, completing their laughter with an echo of her own. 

After a few minutes of a slow ride through a beaten path, they come upon a clearing, one they know very well, in which they grew up in, with their mother’s hands in theirs’. The trees are sparse in this area. Large rocks create the border of the clearing, painted with her magic, creating various circular patterns on the ground below them, so known to them, that both siblings can draw them by heart. 

Sakura slides from the saddle, taking Snow’s rains in her hand and tugging at them gently as she starts navigating the stones, the cursive path leading them through the clearing. Stones are pocketed into the ground navigating in grassy soil and between a lazy stream that makes the hem of Sakura’s dress wet. Both siblings continue to hum among themselves as they make their way to the middle of the clearing, where stands a massive tree, towering over any other. Its trunk is wide and complex. Its roots going above the ground, braiding amongst themselves further up creating an image of one tree seemingly grown from many others.  

Sakura let’s go of Snow’s reigns as they reach the tree, it’s shade creating patterns on the ground. The horse immediately trotts slowly among the grass finding a spot in which she can feast upon. Touya’s mare joins and both sibling opt to sit by the foot of the tree, resting their backs upon the trunk. Their shoulder’s brush and Sakura is quick to rest her head upon her brother’s shoulder, closing her eyes as she busks in the spring sun. It’s nice, peaceful and nothing about it seems final. 

That is until Touya draws in a breath.

"You know, when you said you will marry him…"

Sakura leans back, her eyes opening on a moment’s notice, looking at her brother. Her strong, big brother that not unlike their father, has been a safe harbour of sorts and now too, looks broken. She doesn’t speak, only looks, letting him know she listens.

"I was angry, with you, with father, with this war. I thought it all stupid. And through that anger, I hadn’t realized how mature you’ve become. And...When i saw you in your wedding dress...I thought...I…"

His voice cracks, and Sakura remembers the look in his eyes when he first saw her all draped in white. It’s the same look he has now, and finally, Sakura begins to understand it.

"I felt like I was losing you. Like I had taken our time together for granted. Like you were never to marry. Or at least if you were, it would be someone of your choosing, someone I would know. It was foolish of me. Even if I myself have taken Nadia from her home, without love or even understanding between us. I have hoped that you will never have to suffer as she did."

Sakura grabs his hand, maybe to steady him, maybe to ground him, or maybe for herself to not feel completely powerless in face of his pain. Even though at the end of the day, it’s she who will be left alone.

Touya takes her hand in his, squeezing tightly. His eyes search for hers, both glassy and on the brink of tears.

"We might have both been bred into our crowns, we might have had similar lessons, and I may be older but Sakura, I have so much to learn from you. You were the one that despite your feelings, your fear and discomfort were able to choose what is right for our people, despite it sealing your fate. You did what was right, when I couldn’t."

She wants to say that she would argue for him too. He would do the same in her place, he married Nadia when it was required of him. They both learnt that from their mother, but she can’t speak, for with every breath she takes only tears come out.

"I guess what I am trying to say is...I am sorry, but I am also thankful. You have shown me who I have to be as a ruler. I hope they know what an wonderful Empress they are going to have."

His lips stretched into a smile, a sad, sad smile that echoes in the look of his eyes. Sakura squeezes his hand tighter. All she wants to do is curl up against him and cry until her eyes dry out and her lungs hurt. But all the years at court, all the years of being a Lady has taught her to be strong, especially when all you want is to break.

"And he… He has to see that you are the best wife he could have hoped for. I know that you are the best sister I could’ve hoped for."

The tears flow onto his cheeks as he says those words, they make Sakura’s tears flow as well. Her instinct is to try to stop this, to push the tears back, even though they are the only two people here. She can see Touya doing the same, blinking the tears away, wiping all that has been done with the back of his hand, but they both stop as the tears just keep coming. In the end, they fall into each other's arms, burying their faces, hiding their vulnerability from the word. Ever since Sakura could remember, they have been each other’s shields, always there, always close. 

And now they are forced to spend their lives away from each other.

"Brother… I am so sorry."

She whispers against his chest, her voice muffled against his jacket.

"Whyfor?"

Toya whispers back, amusement interlacing with tears in the tone of his voice. He has his chin on top of her head, stroking her back in a father like manner. Sakura briefly remembers that he always did that for her when she was scared.

"That I am not going to be here to help you when you take the throne, or when you become a father… I wish I could be."

Touya leans back, his eyes immediately finding hers. The sad smile he favours comes back to his lips.

"And you will, just like mother always is. And I will be there when they put that pelt on your shoulders, when they win this war, when you become a mother...We are siblings and magi, no matter the distance that is between us we will always be there for each other. You will always be my little monster."

Sakura can’t help but giggle at the statement. She knows it’s true, and will always be. Just like she feels her mother everywhere she goes, she will remember her brother. He will be an echo of a laughter, a feeling of a hand on her shoulder, a rush of strength in an impossible situation, but he will be there, whenever she will be he will be right there with her, just like the ghost of her shall remain here, by his side. 

So she can say those next words, without her lungs crushing in on themselves, without breaking into another fit of crying, but with a smile.

"Always, big brother."

They stay like that, holding onto each other until their companions catch up to them. Sakura relishes in the closure it brought her. There isn’t much left to say and she is glad that Touya decided to open up. She feels that if he had not, it would be a lifelong sorrow for both of them. 

The rest of the day is spent in the sunlight. 

With the accompaniment of Tomoyo’s songs and Nadia’s gentle fingers braiding some flowers into Sakura’s hair. Her father and brother jest around each other, but it’s always Yukito’s jokes that make the ladies’ giggles turn into laughter.

Sakura knows she will forever treasure this memory, all of her family together, laughing and smiling. In this moment, she can feel her mother’s presence embracing the whole party, as if telling her that it really is her whole family sharing this moment with her.  

 

 

Sakura can’t remember a time when Tomoyo wasn’t a part of her life. In the end, she concluded that there never was such a time. It made sense after all. Their mothers were cousins, both closest thing they had to sisters, it was only natural they wanted the same for them. And it became so. 

For the longest time, people couldn’t see one without the other. If the Princess’ laughter was heard, it was sure Lady Tomoyo who caused it. 

Just like now. 

Sakura slumps onto the bed, laughter pinching her cheeks, hurting her sides and pushing the air out of her lungs. Tomoyo is right by her side, her smile just as wide and her laughter just as free. She wants this moment to last forever. And despite the laughter, she just can’t help the fatalistic feeling that seems to overtake her whole day. 

It’s the last time, no matter how much she wants to believe otherwise.

The laughter dies down eventually, a smile washing over it, only to be replaced by a frown on Sakura’s face. For a moment she just stares at the woodwork covering Tomoyo’s ceiling even though she knows it by heart. Absentmindedly her fingers start rubbing her wedding band as if her own body sense the foreign feelings that it brought.

"It’s not a goodbye, you know."

Tomoyo says, her voice sweet and calm. Sakura turns to her, confusion knitting her brows. Her cousin is smiling though, propped on her elbows, laying on her stomach, so close their sides are brushing.

"I’ve told you many times before, wherever you go, I will follow."

There is no doubt to be seen on her face, moreover, Sakura can see a glint in her dark eyes, the same one she always has whenever she is plotting something. 

Sakura sits up at that, her brows still furrow as she looks at her friend.

"What are you plotting?"

Tomoyo only smiles sweetly.

"You will see."

Sakura slumps on the bed again, her eyes still trained on Tomoyo. There is no hesitation there, and Sakura knows that her cousin has already made up her mind, and nothing Sakura can say will change that.

"You really plan on going?"

Sakura asks, her voice soft, hopeful even. For if she had Tomoyo by her side all of this would feel less fatal, less suffocating, less life-changing. At the same time, she doesn’t want her friend to make such a decision solely because of her. Sakura couldn’t live with herself knowing that she was the cause of her friend's misery. Not Tomoyo’s misery, not this person who has been with her through thick and thin, not the one who has always had her back, the one who has been a sister to her. 

But Tomoyo only nods, her smile not leaving her lips, and nothing in her demeanor weavers, not even by a bit.  

"Won’t you miss this? Our country?"

The question is unnecessary and she knows it, but can’t help the feeling of guilt that sweeps through her. 

Tomoyo turns to her, but this time her smile molds into something else, less cryptic and sadder. Her eyes glisten in the candlelight, tears welling up in their corners. Gently, she takes Sakura’s hand in her own, interlacing their fingers immediately.

"I will miss you more."

She confesses and it makes Sakura’s heart break. Because she can’t stop her, she doesn’t want to stop her, she wants to have her by her side. So she grips her hand tighter and envelops her into a hug. 

Her cousin giggles, her hands patting Sakura’s head. 

For a while they just lay there, both trying hard not to cry, relishing in the comfort of the embrace. Only after a few minutes does Tomoyo pull back. Her cheeks are wet but there is a smile on her face.

"Come, I haven’t given you your nameday present yet."  

 

 

Sakura slips from Tomoyo’s chambers late at night. Tears start to well up in the corner of her eyes as the door falls shut behind her. She hurries down the hall, gathering her skirt in her palms as she rushes to her chambers. She doesn't want anyone to see her crying.

"Sakura."

Syaoran. 

The former Princess whips around only to see her husband standing on the other side of the corridor. His crown is gone, so is his doublet. He wears only a linen shirt, a pair of pants and high leather boots. He carries a few perchements as well as some scrolls under his arm. And if Sakura thought he looked tired in the morning now he looks exhausted. His hair is a complete mess and the bags under his eyes are a much deeper shade of purple. 

Sakura curtseys.

"My Lord."

A grimace passes on his face but she only sees a glimpse of it when she lowers her eyes. Her husband comes closer.

"Save that for court. We are alone right now so I am Xiao Lang."

Sakura straightens herself and accepts his free arm when he extends it.

"Syaoran."

She corrects herself as they start to walk down the hall towards a staircase leading to her chambers. The name feels strange, more like a nickname, now that she has heard Yelan say the proper version of it plenty of times in their conversations.

"How was your nameday?"

He asks softly, maybe not to disturb the stillness of the corridor, or maybe it’s the fatigue in his voice. Sakura feels a smile tugging at her lips.

"Wonderful. I got to spent all day with my family, we even went riding to my mother’s favorite place."

"The forest?"

Sakura meets his gaze and her smile grows. Honestly, she is surprised that he remembered such a detail from their ride.

"Yes… I was with Tomoyo until now."

Syaoran nods his head.

"I am glad you had a good day."

Silence settles for a moment and Sakura wonders if it would be appropriate for her to ask. She has noticed how exhaustion settled in his features and decides that as his wife she not only can but should know.

"Why are you still awake?"

Syaoran turns his gaze to her but only for a moment before looking ahead once again.

"It's nothing you should worry about."

Sakura frowns, he is pushing her away again.

"Syaoran."

She stops walking, yanking him by the arm. He looks at her for a moment, but her gaze is strong and determined.

"I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other."

She says, her voice stern interlaced with concern. She furrows her brows, purses her lips, giving him the best puppy-like expresion she can muster this late into the evening. Syaoran blinks repeatedly in response, his brows shot up almost hiding in his bangs. For a second Sakura can feel his muscles tense under her touch and thinks he is going to yank his arm out of her grasp and this will be the end of their conversation. But then she notices how his cheeks turn quite red, a stern contrast to his dark under eyes. His expression softens, his brows furrow and with a sigh, Sakura knows she has won.

"I received a raven two days ago. There has been a few accounts of activity on the camp sidelines, but my scouts can’t tell for sure...I just have a terrible feeling about this."

Now she knows how to pick up the concern in his voice. It tugs at his face with a thinning in the line of his lips, and she has to say it’s not a good look on him. It makes Sakura bite her lip, and squeeze at his arm reassuringly.

"Weren’t the magi able to pick anything up?"

She asks, hoping that if she probes a little, she might find some sort of an ease for him. He only shakes his head, opting to contemplate the pattern of her skirts than to look her in the eyes.

"Perhaps ours could. There are a few magi specializing in illusions and camouflage on the division assigned to the reinforcements. And if they won’t help maybe I will be able to take a look."

Sakura’s eyes don’t leave his face, her voice softens, and she hopes it’s reassuring for him, even if she knows the chances for that are slim. He knows better than her, how much his one mistake could cost. Such is a burden that comes with the crown. 

Syaoran looks up at her, she can tell that he is still concerned but his features do soften up a bit.

"Alright. Thank you."

He responds, voice still a bit hushed as if to match hers. Sakura knows that she did little to ease his concern, but a smile tugs at her lips involuntary and she can’t help it when she squeezes his arm again.

"There is not much you can do from here and I am sure you have already done anything you can do from afar. We will be at the camp soon enough, and then you will be able to do much more."

His face falls a bit, jaw clenching, yet his eyes don’t leave hers. Sakura knows right there and then that she shouldn’t have said that. She can practically see his facade building itself back up.

"I will escort you to your rooms."

Syaoran’s voice isn’t cold yet, but still, the warmth in its tone is gone. Sakura tires for her disappointment not to show on her features, but she knows it’s in vain. 

Sakura takes his arm wordlessly, her grip loose now.

She shouldn’t have said that. Basically telling him he is powerless in face of danger, threatening his army, his people. At that moment she felt as though she has failed Yelan, he had open himself up a bit, and she has failed. A clueless excuse of a wife she was. 

Soon enough they reach her chambers, not a word uttered between them. 

Syaoran stops beside her door and looks at her. 

Sakura half expected him to just bid her goodnight and leave, but instead, he lets his gaze linger a bit longer as if he was pondering on what to say or do. Sakura opts to stay, her hand lingering on his arm, her gaze locked with his. 

Finally, he speaks.

"You are right."

He doesn’t say anything else, but it’s enough. His voice isn’t cold or warm still, but the sincerity of it makes Sakura smile a bit, her lips twitching to hold back a giggle. He truly is too proud for his own good.

Sakura leans up remembering that morning. Standing on her tiptoes and gently cupping his cheek in her palm she plants a delicate kiss on the side of his cheek. Dangerously close to his mouth. Her touch is feathery but it’s more than she ever dared to before, which seems silly. He has literally been in her before. 

This is different, though. 

This is no duty, this is curiosity, want. 

Sakura leans back just as fast as before. This time though, Syaoran is not blushing, yet there is a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Goodnight, get some sleep Syaoran."

He huffs quietly but nods his head a bit.

"Goodnight Sakura."

  
  


Everything feels somehow bitter when Sakura wakes up. 

The sun is barely up and she can’t tell if she slept at all or just stared at the ceiling, curled up in her sheets letting the tears fall on her cheeks. She tries to tell herself that it won’t be the last time. That she will see those walls, these people, this country again. 

That this isn’t final. 

But the gold of her wedding band keeps catching the light, reminding Sakura that it’s just her wishful thinking. Even if she does come back it won’t be the same. She won't be a princess anymore. 

She will become the most powerful woman on the continent.

_ You will be fine Sakura. _

_ You will get used to your new life. _

She tells herself, somehow between night and daylight it becomes a mantra. One she knows to be true but can’t truly believe in.

For right now it hurts. 

When the sky becomes more orange than dark blue, Sakura knows that she will not sleep anymore. So she gets out of her bed, her satin sheets slipping against her linen night shift. 

Kerberos is still sleeping soundly by her bed. Sakura tries to be quiet, if not for her familiar then to not disturb the sleepiness of the room. 

Her chambers look different, maybe because of the dim light pouring out of the windows or maybe because of the emptiness of them. Sakura roams around the room, her shift dragging slightly on the cold marble floor. She touches the painted cabinets, where her diaries used to reside, all packed neatly by her handmaidens, only the Claw rests wrapped in leather straps, waiting to be packed into her saddle’s bags. The furniture remain but as Sakura thinks sadly, everything about her is gone. 

This is no longer hers, even if in her mind it will remain so.

Ultimately Sakura opens the balcony door opting to spend her last undisturbed moments with something that will always be hers, this country. 

The capital is still half asleep, but she can see glimpses of light and movement on the streets below the palace. She fondly remembers her trips into the streets, always in Yukito’s hands, for he refused to let the little princess roam freely. She used to sneak out alone sometimes, a hood on her hair and a plain gown on. She enjoyed talking to some traders. She wondered if Miss Miko would have good yields this year. She always did like her apples. 

The harbor thrives. It always does, the moment the sun grazes the horizon. Sakura can recognize the ships’ destination by the sigils on the sails. Pearl, probably carrying exotic wines. Valley, most likely grain. Euno’i pelts without a doubt, mayhaps fish. Father did always play this guessing game with her. 

The forest looks tranquil on the edge of the city. But Sakura can feel the familiar pull of its magic from them, a tingle of her mother’s energy and that of her ancestors, flowing through the roots of every plant, fertilizing the otherwise dead soil. The temple glistens in the light, its walls an even more intense red in the vivid morning light. Sakura wonders if the bells would chime soon. 

Hinami finds her in this state when the sun is already past the treeline and its light slips into the complicated maze of the capitol. 

Sakura washes quickly for there is not much time for anything else. Breakfast too is a quick endeavor, mostly because she can’t make herself swallow anything more than a few nuts, a handful of fruit and half a loaf of bread.

Hinami continues to watch her through it all, her eyes pained and glassy, and her hands shaky as she brings out her gown. It's more of a tunic really. A pair of leather pants, high boots, all cover by a green woolen dress that is embroidered only at it’s high neckline with a wolf. Her husband’s sigil, no, her sigil. 

Her hair is braided tightly. It is meant to survive the travel and Hinami secures it with a ribbon. There is a lion on it.

Sakura looks up at her questioningly.

"You will always be our princess, remember that."

Hinami says, her eyes glossy and her voice shaky. She holds Sakura’s face in her hands, and the younger can't help the tears that stream from her eyes. Without any further thought, she steps closer and envelops her in a tight hug. Hinami returns it immediately, her hands gentle on Sakura’s back.

"Thank you, thank you for everything."

Hinami has always been her family, not by blood or status, but by the late night stories, by bone-crushing hugs, and soft lullabies. For Sakura she has been the closest thing to a mother since the death of Queen Nadeshiko. And she will forever remain so. 

The Handmaid steps back, her hands finding the way back to Sakura’s cheeks. Her eyes are still sad but the reassurance is practically pulling out of them.

"Be brave little dove. I shall pray to Mokosh everyday for your happiness."

Sakura nods her head, tears still falling lazily onto her cheeks as she tries to stop them.

"And I will pray for yours."

Hinami smiles, her thumbs quickly wipe Sakura’s tears as they continue falling.

"I will miss you so much dear."

"And I will miss you."

  
  


Sakura always thought that whoever sculpted her mother’s statue in the crypts must have seen her in flesh. Or maybe, whatever memories Sakura had left of her mother, were disrupted by the many sculptures and paintings she has seen of her. 

Gently she places a few Gladiolus flowers** on her palms, near the candles and on her shoulders. She wanted to braid a flower crown for her, as her mother did when she was but a girl, but there is no time for that now. 

Sakura doesn't know what to say. 

That she wishes for her to be here? 

That she wants to be strong? 

That she is scared? 

But that doesn't really matter, for the woman before her is made of stone not words, nor love. There will be no answer to her sorrow. 

In the end Sakura stays silent, opting to pray for her mother instead of herself.

"Your Imperial majesty."

A guard interrupts her prayers, a young man in full armor, wearing only Clow’s red and blue. Sakura turns to him, ending her prayer short.

"The party is ready to leave, your majesty."

Sakura nods her head and turns to the statue one more time, placing a hand on the cold stone.

"Goodbye, mother."

But there is no answer. 

  
  


Saying goodbye to her family is one of the most difficult things Sakura had to do in her life. All while acting regal and unfazed as the consort to the most powerful man in the world should behave. 

Syaoran stands behind her the whole time, hovering just at the appropriate distance but at the same time letting her know he is there. He is there as she hugged her father, clasped her brother and Yukito, kissed Nadia’s cheeks and received a bone-crushing hug from Tomoyo. It’s too hard to do it without shedding a tear or two, but she always makes sure they are gone before she steps out of the hugs. 

The most challenging part, however, is to actually walk away. To step back from the hug, turn around, and go. 

To accept that her family isn't her home anymore. 

Syaoran must have sensed it somehow. Maybe she opened up her aura involuntary, or he became quite swift in reading her body language, or maybe he just knew. But he bids her family goodbye, sharing a too tense of a stare with her brother. When Syaoran sees her step back, his hand travels to the small of her back immediately. It’s a simple gesture and could be otherwise interpreted as a nudge to wrap things up, yet somehow she starts treating it as reassurance. That's how she manages to actually walk away, step back and allow her husband to help her on her horse. To look at her family and not cry while Syaoran gets on his own mare. 

She is able to say one last goodbye. Bare the ache of her lungs and the tingle of her eyes. She wants to break, to let the tears flow instead of blinking them away but she can’t, for the eyes of the whole capital are on her. 

The party turns back and rides out of the castle grounds and into the city. People are gathered on the streets despite the early hour, bidding their Princess a goodbye. Cherry blossoms are thrown onto their path, some landing on the streets and soldiers, and some in Sakura’s hair, getting caught up in her clothes, and even in Snow’s mane. 

She is a able to smile. 

Maybe it’s because her people need her to smile now. They need her to reassure them that things are right. And as she glances back at the castle briefly, her home since she knew what that word even meant, she doesn’t think that things are right. 

She only thinks that her court mask can prettily imitate her real smile now. 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *- Perun is the highest god of the slavic pantheon (Many think of Rod as the allfather, though sources differ on the matter most of them do put Perun at top, mostly due to the lack of information about Rod), he is the god of thunder and lightning, allegedly the the creator of the world as we know it (alongside Weles. I highly recommend reading about this because honestly it’s hilarious they basically create a world by fighting each other, very slavic of them), and among many things he is associated with weapons and war.
> 
> ** These flowers mean remembrance
> 
> Hello! It has been a long and an interesting month so thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I don't know how the uploads will go from now on since I haven't finished this part yet and with my Uni being... well my Uni it can go both ways so well we will see how it goes. I will try for the breaks not to be longer than three weeks so here is to hoping :').
> 
> As always a big thank you to my lovely betas: kuroi-kotoba and andec02, do check them out on tumblr! :)
> 
> You can find me as anathash on tumblr or you can check out my art at: wikapikadraws also on tumblr :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

 

Sakura can’t think of anything other than how much she wants to get out of her saddle when they finally stop for the evening. Never in her life did she think of horse riding something other than freedom and passion but after over ten hours of nearly constantly being in the saddle she can safely say she is over it. 

Yelan laughs as a heavy sigh of relief escapes Sakura when she comes down from the saddle. She doesn’t even feel ashamed at this point. Her mother-in-law has been her constant company for the last hours after she got tired of the constant ‘Chitter-chatter those hens emit. I will have to listen to them nearly the whole way back to the outpost or even worse, the Capital. Do humor me for now dear.’. And when the first hour has been quite awkward, second turned into Yelan inquires about her son that made Sakura blush. The third one started with Yelan telling her embarrassing stories about her children and from there time has flown.

"Give it a week dove and you might even feel your legs by the end of the day."

Yelan says, sarcasm dripping of off her tone. Sakura makes a sour face, her court mask completely down as the exhaustion slips into every fiber of her being.

"Might."

Sakura grumbles quietly, but loud enough for Yelan to hear. The Empress Mother giggles and passes a stable boy the reins of her mare. Sakura does the same, automatically smiling as she does so. The boy doesn’t look at her though, taking her rains with a quiet and strained: Your majesty and marches of to the stables looking only at the ground. She shouldn’t be surprised given that they are in the middle of the woods, even if they are on the Amber Road*. Aristocrats often use these paths to travel but it was still impossibly rare to host the Northern Emperor, two Empresses, many royals and officers as well as a small fraction of an army.

Yelan waves at her, already taking her steps towards the inn they are stopping by. It’s a pretty big establishment, certainly big enough to host not only the royals but also all the aristocrats that are still staying in their company until they separate on the border in a few days. It will still be about a week until they reach the camp at the foot of the Noma mountains. 

Syaoran is standing with his officers, already giving orders, probably regarding setting camp for the soldiers. Sakura takes off her riding gloves, hoping the chill of evening air will ease the chaffing of her palms. Still, she is more worried around the pain of her thighs, because right now the only thing keeping her upright is an implanted sense of property caused by dozens of pairs of eyes watching her.

"Xiao Lang, dear."

Yelan calls out to her son, using this commanding yet still melodic voice. The effect is immediate, all conversation between the men dies down as the Emperor turns around. Not unlike them he too looks tired, but still much less than a day before.

"Our little dove is exhausted and I am sure your officers will carry on just fine without you. Your family on the other hand needs you to settle the matter right now."

Sakura turns sharply to her mother-in-law as she starts to put up a convincing front before her son even has a chance to think about slacking off on the matter or better yet opposing. The terms ‘our dove’ and ‘your family’ make Sakura blush and not because of the cold air. She looks at Syaoran and meets his gaze. He looks at both her and his mother before turning back to his officers and Eriol.

"Hiragiizawa, take care of everything." Then he turns to his squire, Qiang."Fetch me the innkeeper."

His tone is commanding and to be honest, she has already forgotten of it, for when they are alone she rarely hears it. Sakura nearly jumps when Kerberos brushes her tight as if he hadn’t been absent for the majority of day. He started yawning after first two hours and stated that ‘He will be back’ by the third hour. Sakura said nothing, opting not to listen to his constant complaining when she was already tired.

"I am hungry."

Is all that her familiar says, settling just perfectly for him nuzzle his head under her palm. Sakura sighs but starts scratching behind his ear anyway. The fur feels good on her irritated skin.

"You are always hungry."

She comments, and he answers her only with a grunt.

"Were you with Yun Lee?"

The wolf in question comes up to Syaoran who still speaks with Hiragiizawa. His hand casually wonders through his familiar’s fur.

"Yes. Apparently, she got as bored of the Emperor scheming as I of your gossiping."

Sakura only rolls her eyes, she is too tired to keep up with Kerberos.  

Finally, Quiang comes back and Syaoran leads them into the inn. 

Sakura can't help but feel uncomfortable as she stands in the middle of the room. The benches are empty and Sakura can’t help but notice that the candles are freshly changed and the tables are still wet from scrubbing. The innkeeper, and older man of big physique, seems torn between scared and alarmed. Clearly, not everyone has accepted the sudden alliance with the Empire. His daughter, on the other hand, seems outright scared when she brings them some wine.

"Thank you."

Sakura says as she takes a glass from her. She smiles kindly hoping it will ease the girl in some way. But she is looking at Sakura’s skirts, tracing the patterns with glassy, terrified eyes.

"Don’t worry, we won't stay more than the night, and not without a sufficient payment."

The man, a brave man or a fool, barely agrees and with a heavy heart at that. Sakura can tell that her husband is starting to get annoyed with this. Surely he is not used to this kind of behavior. 

Mentally, Sakura begs the man to stop, for Syaoran won't do anything, but Xiao Lang can and may. 

And nobody here wants him out. 

So Sakura addresses the girl before the tension can grow further.

"Could you please prepare us a meal?"

Her head shoots up and this time her eyes look directly at Sakura. The girl must be no older than thirteen, probably never seen anybody higher born than a knight in her life. No wonder she is so perplexed.

"And some raw meat for our familiars."

A second passes before the girl tries to curtsey, but it ends up being something between a bow and a clumsy attempt of keeping her balance. Sakura smiles, thinking fondly how for her knowing a proper curtsey was essential, for this girl it is useless contrary to knowing how to clean tables or prepare meat, something that Sakura simply can’t do. 

Yelan takes Sakura’s hand and leads her to one of the drier tables to sit down before the meal is set. Sakura can’t help but see how much out of place the Empress Mother looks. Even when her hair is falling from its braid and her tunic is simply woolen with barely any embroidery, she still looks royal.

"The rooms are already prepared, M’lord."

The innkeeper says rather quietly and Sakura realizes that through her conversation with the girl she missed what has been going on between the two men. The older looks a bit crouched up despite being much bigger in stature than Syaoran.

"Thank you. I will make sure to stress to the officers not to look at your daughter."

The words are spoken in a hushed tone but they make Sakura realize the cause of the earlier hesitation. It made perfect sense, an army full of men, no brothel in sight and a barely thirteen-year-old girl as the waitress, of course, he was concerned.

"Thank you, M’lord."

The girl comes back with two full plates of roasted deer meat and some potatoes. She still doesn’t look them in the eyes but at least she isn’t completely scared of them.

"Thank you. What’s your name?"

The girl pours them more wine, it’s more alcoholic than sweet but it doesn’t matter, it will just put her to sleep quicker. 

The girl actually looks up at them, it’s a quick glance before she continues to stare at the carafe.

"Hana, M’lady."

"That’s a nice name. Say Hana, perhaps you could help us this evening? Unfortunately, we don’t have our handmaidens with us."

Hana blinks looking up at her and blinks again, all while Sakura keeps smiling.

"I will ask Papa, M’lady."

Sakura nods and smiles as the girl leaves quickly, already calling for her father. Yelan smiles at Sakura slyly.

"Well played little mouse."

 

 

Sakura is half asleep when Syaoran comes into the room. She doesn’t really acknowledge it, only curls under her furs further, too tired for anything else. He shuffles in the room for a few minutes before getting into the bed himself. 

Sakura tenses, awaiting something but her half-asleep mind doesn’t exactly know what. There is a shuffling of papers, a scribble of the quill that lasts seconds or maybe minutes. It mixes with the sound of the familiars’ steady breathing, and with the candles burning on the nightstand it lulls her to sleep almost instantly. 

 

 

Second night, second inn, second innkeeper, thankfully no daughters this time. 

The wine is much better, it would be a shame if she spat it out, so as soon as Yelan makes the comment Sakura tries her hardest not to choke on the wine and force it down her throat. Her mother-in-law giggles.

"I just asked about your sex life dear, no need to be ashamed now."

Sakura’s eyes widen and a series of hardly human sounds escapes her as she struggles to find her voice. Yelan, on the other hand, looks positively entertained.

"I wouldn’t meddle in your private life, but in your case, your marriage bed is also an affair of state so long you don’t provide us with heirs."

Sakura takes her glass in hand and drinks another large gulp before she can even look Yelan in the eyes. She knows the woman uses that just as an excuse but to be quite honest she is curious and if anyone can help her it’s Yelan.

"The problem is… That we haven’t been together since our wedding night."

Sakura looks at her wine glass while she says that, watching the alcohol reflect the light of the room. Yelan blinks and tilts her head like she isn’t sure she heard her right.

"Not once?"

The Empress Mother asks, her head still tilted. Sakura opts to keep staring at her wine glass, simply not to die from embarrassment.

"Before he was so… I just didn’t think it would be a problem of all things…"

Sakura swears she can see Yelan roll her eyes.

"That was duty dear. You will both have enough of it in your lifetime. What you need is passion."

She leans back as she says that, her gaze intensifying while she looks at her daughter in law.

"Do you want him?"

Sakura blinks. The question is blunt and takes her off guard, the fact that Yelan just keeps staring at her doesn’t help at all. Under such circumstances, all she can utter is:

"I… I-I suppose I am not opposed to the idea…"

Once again Yelan rolls her eyes. It makes Sakura want to groan, of course, her mother-in-law can see right through her.

"That is a well mannered and court way to say you do dear."

There is a smile on her face, it’s still slightly sly but Sakura can see the warmth in her eyes that has nothing to do with all the candles burning around them.  

"You will have to tell him that. Li men don’t do well with innuendos little mouse, they are thicker than pea soup."

She comments, making Sakura muffle her giggles against her hand. And just like that, the tension falls, letting the rest of the evening flow into a peaceful chatter. 

 

 

Sakura tries to ignore Yelan’s words as she doesn’t have to act on them for now. Syaoran dines with his officers today, or so he has said when she announced she will retire early today. She can hear the murmur of the conversation from their room upstairs.

It’s a nice evening. She listens to Kerberos’ stories from the day as she takes a warm bath the innkeeper’s daughter has prepared for her. It feels nice to wash off all the sweat and dirt, and comb through her hair as her familiar laughs about some officer’s story he and Yun Lee have overheard today. She is still surprised by the friendship the two familiar’s formed in such a short amount of time but she is glad for it. At least Kerberos is not lonely. 

The night is cold today, and even if the bath has warmed her up, she is cold as soon as she starts drying herself. She changes into her shift and slips under the furs as soon as humanly possible, ignoring the way Kerberos laughs at her.

"Some of us don’t have fur to warm us up."

Sakura says from underneath the covers. She can hear Kerberos coming towards the foot of the bed, probably to lay down on the fur laid out there.

"That’s why you are inferior!"

He barks out in his half sarcastic lofty tone that makes Sakura smirk. She emerges from the covers and leans down to scratch him behind his ear.

"Yes, yes, our overlord. " 

Sakura says, reaching for a book she put on her nightstand, one of her mother’s. She stays wrapped up in the covers, hoping to warm up soon, but so immersed in her reading that she doesn’t acknowledge the passing of time. Not until the door to the chambers squeaks open, and given the lack of knocking or any indication from the guards she knows it’s Syaoran. 

He looks surprised to see her up but doesn’t say a thing for a moment, letting Yun Lee in and shutting the door behind them. The wolf looks even more tired than her master. She trots to the foot of the bed to lay near Kerberos, but not before coming to Sakura.

"Goodnight Sakura."

The woman smiles, shuts her book close and leans down to scratch Yun Lee behind her ear like she always does to Kerberos. After the first night, the wolf is already expecting it, and Sakura is more than happy to oblige. It makes her feel welcome.

"Goodnight Yun Lee."

The wolf nuzzles her snout to her palm before she lays down next to Kerberos, and calls softly.

"Goodnight Xiao Lang."

"Night."

Is all Syaoran says in return. 

Sakura watches as he takes off his clothes, working on the laces. He looks tired once again. His hair sticks up in all directions, desperate for a comb, and the discoloration of his under eye looks permanent by now. Sakura can tell he doesn’t sleep much, sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night and the candles would still be burning, but she doesn’t say anything, she just lets the shuffling of papers to lull her back to sleep.

"What time is it?"

She asks, her voice barely above a whisper not to disturb their familiars. Syaoran turns his gaze to her, continuing to untie his shoelaces, already having gotten rid of the jacket.

"Nearing midnight."

He says simply before his gaze drops to the task at hand.

"You should go to sleep. You will be tired tomorrow."

Sakura almost rolls her eyes. She had made through the first day without much sleep, besides he is the one who spends his sleeping time reading reports. She doesn’t comment, only puts her book down and blows out the candle.

"Goodnight."

She mumbles, going back under the covers and suppressing a shiver that runs through her when her damp hair hug her face. She hopes she will warm up soon. For now she curls into a tight ball and shuts her eyes. 

Syaoran mumbles a goodnight and his quiet shuffling around the room continues until he comes to bed and it turns into shuffling of papers. A few minutes pass, in which Sakura rubs her hands together, at this point not even suppressing her shivers. She would give everything for a room with a fireplace. Yes, she would be warm then. Maybe she can convince Syaoran to stay with a noble family the next night. Who lived in the area?

"You are shivering."

Syaoran’s voice breaks her mental debate as to who, the Nakamura’s or the Akiyama’s, lives closer to their next destination. His voice is uncertain, the sentence almost framed like a question. 

Sakura bites her lip.

"I am fine."

She simply says, curling further into herself. He doesn’t need her problems right now.

"Sakura."

Somehow it still amazes her, how he can contain so much meaning into one word, be it an order or her name. She knows that he wants her to turn around and look at him, she also knows that there is no point in hiding anything. It’s not like he can somehow make her colder, no, she takes that back, he has that stare of his after all. 

She turns around. 

Syaoran is sitting on the bed, his legs covered in furs, he is surrounded by papers, reports and various documents. A single candle burns behind him, the orange light bringing out the red hues of his dark hair. He looks older now, his eyes more sunken and his facial hair grown slightly since his morning shave. But it makes his eyes glow, like melted copper, like ambers.

"You are cold."

There is no question this time, only a statement. Sakura doesn’t say anything, only manages to blush a bit but this could be very well from the cold  — or at least that’s what she is telling herself — Syaoran only sighs, puts his papers down and lifts up his furs in a few swift motions, looking at her expectantly.

"Come, you will warm up quickly."

Body heat. 

This times she knows the blush does not come from cold. 

On the one hand, there is her shyness on the other: this is her husband, her hair is wet, the furs do nothing, her fingers are stiff, and…

Sakura quickly shuffles closer, slipping from her furs and under his. The difference is drastic. Syaoran is practically a human fireplace, radiating so much heat that even being under the same covers makes her skin tingle. But apparently he thinks it’s not enough. His hand rests on her back bringing her even closer so she is pressed to his side, her head resting against his chest and her body nestled under his shoulder. Maybe if she weren’t freezing, she would protest. But it’s too nice, warm and comfortable for her to even think about it. Instead she looks up at him. Syaoran seems unphased, having already gone back to reading.

"Thank you."

She murmurs, bringing his attention back to her. His eyes fall onto her and for a moment he just studies her face. The corners of his mouth lift ever so slightly and his voice is much warmer when he says.

"It’s alright. Go to sleep."

Happily. she obliges. Her head falls back onto his chest and she snuggles closer, one of her hand going to his stomach, fingers flexing against the warmth. He responds by holding her even closer, his hand going up and down her arm in order to warm her up further. 

Sakura falls asleep quickly. Lulled by the steady beat of his heart, the delicate caress of his hand and the familiar shuffling of paper. 

She can definitely get used to this. 

 

 

The next day they reach the crossroads.

The coasts she was so used to soon turned into forests, steep willows, and grassy lands. Sakura loves the change it brings but she can’t say she loves the wind. It’s harsh and cold, getting her cloak tangled when all she wants to do is snuggle into it.

When they departed from Tomoeda, Sakura thought she would be excited for this moment, that she would look forward to it. Now it came off as another loss. Back then she dreaded her mother-in-law. Now she knows she is going to miss her. 

Yelan came off as harsh, cold and unyielding but once she put her trust in Sakura all of that changed. She was still all those things, but she also became a friend, a mother in such a short amount of time. But unlike her family, she knows Yelan will be there once the war is over. 

Sakura slides down from her saddle. At this point her whole body has gotten quite used to the feeling. Her muscles almost don’t ache. Almost being the keyword. 

Yelan is already on the ground, speaking quietly with Syaoran. The conversation seems private, judging from the soft look in mother’s eyes and the bittersweet smile she wears on her lips. For a moment Sakura lingers back, looking at the interaction between mother and son. She waits for a moment when she feels like she wouldn’t intervene with anything. She opts to stand by her mare, stroking Snow’s mane for a moment, smiling when the animal leans into her touch.

She imagines it must be much harder for Syaoran. 

In the end with Yelan gone they are the only family they both have left.

 

 

"You are too stubborn for your own good pup."

She hasn’t called him her pup since he was ten when father took him for his first execution. That was also the time when everybody started to call him the Crowned Prince. It’s stupid how much their opinion changed just because he watched a man die without looking away.

Sakura must have a major melting factor on his mother. For a second Xiao Lang wonders if it’s a spell or maybe she is just going to miss him. He is her youngest, after all, married with a crown on his head and an empire on his shoulders. 

Xiao Lang himself wonders just how he should proceed without her. He knows he doesn’t need her per se. He has proven it time and time again. But somehow the simple fact that there is someone around whom he can freely fall apart when he can no longer go on gives him a sense of stability.  

"I don’t know what you are talking about."

His mother arches her brows. When he was younger that expression meant that she knows exactly how he skipped history lessons that day. Now it just meant: ‘Be honest son, I can see it you know?’.

"I was skeptical at first, as you saw yourself, but the girl nor her family are a threat to us. More so they only want the same as we, peace and stability. She is no threat, she is your wife."

It’s not about her being a threat. 

It’s about him not knowing how to deal with it.

"I know that mother."

Yelan’s expression changes again. It’s not one of disappointment, rather something milder, like she is afraid for him.

"I don’t think you do, dear."

She states. Her hand goes to his face, the cold leather of her gloves grazing his cheek. Xiao Lang has no choice now, he has to look her in the eyes. Dark and warm, concern clearly visible in her gaze.

"She is your family."

He knows that. He can see it in the way she looks at him like she wants to trust him. Like she wants to love him, to hold him dear.

"She will grow your future family within herself."

Syaoran tries not to freeze. Tries not to think about being a father. He needs an heir, but he doesn’t want his child to bear this fate. He doesn’t want them fearing the day he would die, the day the whole empire will come crumbling down upon their shoulders.

He can imagine Sakura being a mother, truly it would be like filling in the last piece of her personal puzzle. Given her whole gentle and careful demeanor she will easily fall into that role. 

Yes, he can imagine that. 

Him being a father? He can’t. 

Not when his hands are constantly drenched with blood. 

Fathers’ weren’t supposed to be monsters. They were supposed to be unyielding but strong. Xiao Lang is neither.

"Let her be your safe harbor son. Let her in dear."

So she can see it all? 

So she can see the monster he truly is?

"I… I…"

He doesn’t know what to say. Not when her mother is looking at him like that. She is desperate.

"I think she will be good for you. Besides that, the Empire needs an heir. You don't have any brothers, only nephews. If you die without a son our whole family will cease to exists. The first civil war in centuries."

"I know all of that mother. I have known that since I was old enough to understand. It’s just… It was easier for me there. Here, surrounded by an army and facing another one it feels like I can’t put my shields down, even for a moment or I will end up as father did."

It’s not a complete lie, but it’s not the whole truth either. 

He fears everyone at every corner. Thinking about who of his lords could be trying to overthrow him, which of the soldiers could be spies? It’s a constant headache. 

And Sakura… It would be so easy to put all of his trust into her. This warm creature with a smile of an angel and a strength of a lioness. But Sakura wants to see the good in him, she wants to see Xiao Lang. How fast would she come to hate him once she sees the monster of the Emperor he truly is? 

He tried. He tried so hard to keep them apart, to let them be two different identities. 

But the lines are getting more blurry by the second. He doesn’t know anymore where Xiao Lang ends and the Emperor begins.

"My little pup. Try, please try not for the Empire or for her but for yourself. At this rate, you will go mad before the war is over."

He feels as if he already is. 

His mother cups both of his cheeks in her leather-clad hands. Suddenly (or maybe he has gradually pushed himself towards this hell of a panic attack) he feels like he is going to break. But there are dozens of pairs of eyes on them and he knows he can’t. That’s not the Emperor these people know and he needs it to stay that way. 

Even if it will kill him slowly. 

Yelan brushes a strand of hair out of his face. There is longing in her expression, he has seen it before, pure motherly love mixed with sadness. The look she gives him everytime he does something to remind her of his father.

"You are so much like your father my pup, you have no idea."

For a moment Xiao Lang wonders if his father has felt this way once upon a time too. If he was just as overwhelmed by this crown as his son is. 

Yelans bites her lip and steps back, her whole demeanor changing when she looks past him.

"Sakura my dear, come here."

His mother calls out. Xiao Lang turns around just in time to see his wife stop adjusting the straps of the bags on Snow’s saddle. Her head whips around, her chin brushing the fur draped on her shoulder, lining her cloak. He has to get used to her not being able to withstand much cold. Hopefully, she will adjust to it, if not it should be interesting to see when they reach the Capitol. And he is sure he will continue to be her personal source of warmth. Not that he is complaining. 

Sakura comes to them in a few paces, gathering her dress in her hands. Today it’s brown, almost the color of ambers, the color of her hair.

"Lady mother."

Sakura says quickly as she stands in front of them. She spares him a glance but her eyes focus on his mother. How fast did they become friends without him realizing?

"Come here, little mouse."

Yelan opens up her arms and Sakura doesn’t hesitate to come in the embrace and return it. He can hear them whispering briefly, but nothing coherent. So he opts to look away instead, only hearing parts of his name or words taken out of context. 

Yun Lee and Sakura’s familiar are running around possibly up to something. Yun Lee is usually a calm and collected spirit, that is until she has company, then she turns into a complete handful. He is bound to receive complains by the end of this journey. He doesn’t care though, Yun Lee seems much more cheery now, almost as she was before the war.

Eventually, both Empresses’ step away from each other and Xiao Lang can see the tears in his wife’s eyes. His mother conceals it well but he knows she cares. 

She is going to miss them. Both of them. 

She waves at Xiao Lang soon after, their private conversation seemingly over as he comes up to them. He can see his wife quickly wipe her cheeks with her sleeve before he can even see her tears. His mother smiles at both of them, brushing down the material of Sakura’s cloak.

"I will expect you both in the Capital once all of this is over. And I hope by then there will be three of you for me to greet."

Xiao Lang tenses at his mother’s words but his wife giggles quietly by his side.

"As we all mother."

Sakura answers immediately, and Xiao Lang is just glad he doesn’t have to speak. Yelan smiles, her hand slides from Sakura’s cloak to her hand, the other finding his. She almost looks like she is going to cry. She squeezes both their hands and Xiao Lang squeezes back. 

It seems almost surreal, to see his mother leave him. Like he has shoved this perspective so far down his mind that he never actually given it any thought. Always a possibility, a maybe and not a soon. And now it’s happening. 

Goodbyes are made and Xiao Lang barely has time to register what’s happening. Yelan hugs both of them, kisses them goodbye and leaves with a single:

"Take care of each other."

They watch her leave with the rest of the royal retinue. Xiao Lang can see Sakura waving on the edge of his vision. He reserves only to watching, his jaw clenched as he attempts to somewhat calm himself, yet a single thought keeps on resurfacing: 

**You are all alone now.**

It’s alright, you have rarely used her advice anyway. 

**You are all alone now.**

She is your mother but she is manipulative, you will end up being another one of her pawns at this rate. Gods know your wife already is. 

**You are all alone now.**

You will be alri-

**You are a l o n e.**

"We are going to be fine."

Her voice, Sakura’s voice brings him back from his thoughts (arguing? panic attack? meltdown?). Xiao Lang turns to her sharply, only then realizing that his mother is long gone, he can barely make out the shapes of the riders on the horizon. 

Sakura squeezes his hand, their gloved fingers interlaced. He didn’t even register when she took his hand (or maybe he took hers?). Her brows are knitted in concern and her big green eyes are glassy, but he can’t make out whether it’s because of tears or the wind that has been howling now that they are at the foot of the mountains.  

_ She is your family.  _

His mother’s voice replaces the now fleeting cries of his consciousness. Xiao Lang realizes she is right. Right now Sakura is the last of his family left beside him, even if the only thing bringing them together is the gold bands on their fingers.

She is trying, and so will he. 

Xiao Lang squeezes her hand back and gently tugs at her cloak, so it will stick to her form better. She will get cold. He doesn’t think too much about what he is doing. Because if he will, he will surely be reminded of how pure and innocent she is compared to him, how he will corrupt her if he gets to close, how she will surely hate him if she-. 

His hand goes up from her cloak and to her face, brushing a lone strand of her hair behind her ear. Her eyes don’t leave him, as if she is waiting for him to speak or do something. He leans down a bit and presses a kiss onto the crown of her braided hair. She smells like lavender oil, peaceful and calming. 

Sakura relaxes next to him, her shoulders sagging and her hands coming up to his waist even though her touch is gentle and loose. It doesn’t matter though, he is content with just staying like this, all of his senses filled with lavender. 

He keeps her close that night, basking in her warmth, foolishly hoping some of her light may chase away his darkness.

 

 

"The reports from the Northern frontier just got here."

Eriol doesn’t look up from his notes as he says that. 

It’s a nice day to be on the trail. The winds have calmed down and the sun is shining so much that Xiao Lang even saw Sakura give up her cloak for a lighter one today. 

Above all Xiao Lang feels rested. The nightmares are at bay as long as he is out of the camp (He expects the full force of them the moment he comes back, but he will cross that bridge when he gets there.) and he was way too tired to do much work yesterday so he let himself rest and fall asleep in his wife’s arms. It was nice, warm and comforting (maybe she was keeping the nightmares away somehow? Doubtful but even he has to be optimistic at times, although he heard lavender oil has calming properties.). So it’s a good day, but somehow he feels that the news Eriol has might either solidify or break it completely.

"And?"

"Oh, nothing major, only a report that they are on schedule."

And in that simple way, the day continues to be a good one.

"They hadn’t had any major losses while crossing the mountains and the King of Yin hadn’t made any problems given that your families are now bound by law."

It takes him a second to make the connection to Nadia of House Abel. A quiet but bright woman she was, and apparently one with useful connections. Marrying turns out to be the better course of action by the second.

"Good."

"Here is the official report, and a letter from your sister that came with it."

Feimei, the youngest of his sisters is also the only one who is married and has yet to have children. She is a free spirit, choosing the life of a warrior above that of a Lady. Their father didn’t mind as long as her husband didn’t and it appeared that they both preferred a great fight instead of a steady life. Xiao Lang didn’t mind, Feimei seemed happy and it gave him a more profound and unbiased look into the situation on the other front. Feimei isn’t one to spare the details. 

The report was clean cut and short but Feimei’s letter seem to go on and on. 

She started  — of course — with cursing him for getting married without either of his sisters present and specifically promised to tell his new wife all the embarrassing stories from their childhood as a revenge (he doubts that even Fudie will restrain herself from that one.). But she seems proud of him for even marrying. She also goes on about how hard it is to get blue tea while on the road.(Should he think about it for Sakura? The empire needs an heir, and it needs it fast, but at sixteen she is just old enough to deliver without problems, that doesn’t guarantee them no complications.). The morale of the troops seem to be increasing, not only because of the warmer weather but also because of his marriage or rather what it brings with itself. According to Feimei troops seem really curious about their new Empress, some even going on a quest to find the most truthful portrait of hers since all they can find do vary a great deal. Is her hair red or brown? Are her eyes big? Does she really look so much as a doll? Xiao Lang reminds himself to answer all of those question with a simple: You will see when you meet her.  Even if simply to spite her. 

Feimei then goes on with what she calls more pressing matters than catching up with her dearest younger brother. 

There are some delays of resources on their side, not much but enough for her to start to worry. They can hunt plenty, but to feed such an army will definitely not sit well with Yin’s Lords in the long run. 

What worries him more are her suspicion about some of the Lords. He has asked her previously to be on high guard regarding any of the Lords that are closer to House Heun, given the news mother has presented him. There is nothing that Feimei can say for sure, but she swears there is something off about it. She promises to continue keeping a closer eye at them, her husband doing the same. Xiao Lang trusts them to kill whatever plan is brewing before there is anything to worry about. 

They can’t have a civil war, certainly not now. 

And yet they seem to be closer to one than ever before. 

Xiao Lang bites his lip. Even if there is nothing to actually worry about he can’t help but run a dozen possible scenarios in his head. It seems that even if he wins this war things could go even worse for him. 

It starts with a hum of the soldiers, a coalition of low male voices harmonizing to a folk tune. It’s a common practice and an even more common song. So he pays it no mind to the point when simply becomes a background noise for his reading. That is until a woman’s voice breaks above the humming, and not just any voice, his wife’s voice. 

His head whips around almost immediately. 

Sakura rides closer now than when his mother was present, he wants to keep a closer eye at her after all, even if their familiars seem to be literally plastered to her side at all times now. She is surrounded by the soldiers who look up at her, not stopping their humming while she adjusts to their tune perfectly. She is not humming though, she is singing, spinning the tale of a maiden and a hunter in a soft voice**. Her smile is bright and vibrant as she continues to sing along. 

Xiao Lang can’t help but look at her. Her dress is green again, probably one of her mother’s gifts, with her coat being a much darker shade. Her hair is in a simple braid, probably all she can do without a handmaiden. (He remembered braiding his sisters’ hair, briefly he wondered if he could still do it.) It’s a simple look on her, but somehow she looks significantly more beautiful then she did draped in jewels, she is always tense then, now she looks free and he can’t imagine a better look on her.

"Gods you will have her in the evening, focus on the reports now."

Eriol comments, and Xiao Lang doesn’t have to turn to know he is rolling his eyes right now. He simply snatches the papers from his advisor’s hands but doesn’t grace his comment with an answer. Eriol wouldn’t let him leave it down if he knew he wasn’t with his wife since their wedding day. He focuses on the letters sprawled on the papers letting the singing voice of his wife become a pleasing background noise for his work. It actually makes it much more bearable.\

"She is good for morale though."

Eriol says just as the soldiers change the tune into yet another folk song that his wife follows without a problem.

"She sure is."

 

 

Their fourth night on the road they stay with Xiao Lang’s vassals.

Formerly sworn to the crown of the Riverdale Kingdom, but it’s a crown no more, only a dukedom who choose to swear fealty to the Empire rather than perish in a war. It was a small Kingdom, a wealthy Kingdom, but apparently, they didn’t have as much to offer as the Clow (even if it was only her.). In all likelihood the Lords and Ladies hoped to seek graces with their new head of state by sending out an invitation to stop at their estate for the night. 

She has a feeling Syaoran only agrees because it matches perfectly with their schedule. 

She actually remembers visiting this estate. House of Sall if she remembers by the trout in their sigil. They always stopped by them while on their way to visit the King. She briefly remembers the Lord, Lady and their two sons as they stand before their estate doors. Sakura barely had time to touch up her hair so she is thankful that she chose to wear a hat over her braid, even if it’s primary function was to shade her skin from the sun.

The greetings are exchanged, during which one of the sons’ mistakenly called her ‘Her Royal Highness’ earning a side glance from Syaoran and an elbow to the side from an elder brother. It doesn’t matter to her though. She has been Her Royal Highness all of her life, naturally, she reacts to it much quicker than she does to ‘Your Imperial Majesty’.

The dinner is certainly more than she had in days but the chatty company makes her realize that her court armor has been slipping after so many days on the road. Thankfully it’s a second nature and she quickly goes back into the role of a royal, making sure that everything from her posture to her manners screams with its blue blood. 

She may not look like an Empress with a plain dress and barely put together hair but she won’t let them think she is anything but royal. One rumor may lead to terrible controversies, and they certainly can’t have it. 

She makes a conversation with Lady Sall, smiling at her comments and making polite remarks of her own, while Syaoran makes a conversation with Lord Sall by the fireplace, like anything with her husband this too seems to be of a strictly political nature. She can tell by the stiffness of his shoulders and the passive expression he wears while their host answers him with a grim look on his face. He must still mourn the loss of the independence or maybe whatever her husband said doesn’t sit well with him.

She retires relatively quickly, while the men are still on their second glass of ale. Lady Sall is eager to show her their rooms while continuing their conversation.

"To be honest, your grace, we were quite surprised by your marriage. From what I gathered our princess’ hand was also proposed in the bargain."

Sakura manages not to scrawl. She barely remembers Princess Aya. A scrawny girl, pretty yes, very pretty, but she was also nearing nineteen and without any magic in her veins. She did make the most beautiful flower crowns.

"I am not Lady Aya. I am the mistress of the Clow Cards, royal Northern blood, sovereign House, and a powerful crown. That is more than a title of the Princess itself."

Lady Sall, gods bless her soul silences immediately, pailing significantly. Sakura takes no pleasure in the look she wears but being kind while other mock her will only weaken her situation even further. She will be kind as long as she can be.

"Of course, your majesty."

Lady Sall says shyly and the rest of the way is spend in silence. Finally, they stop in front of the room on the far corner of the east wing of the estate. The Lady opens the door to the rooms.

"Here, your majesty."

The space is quite big, with an additional chamber, there is even a desk, which Syaoran no doubt will make use of. A woman, who by the looks of it is a servant stands close to the door, curtseys as soon as they enter.

"Maya is here to serve you. I will leave you then, goodnight, your majesty."

"Goodnight Lady Sall."

The door shuts quickly and all Sakura can think of is how much she wants to bathe.

 

 

"All I am saying Sakura is that you have swept the floor with her."

Kerberos must be really rubbing off on her because it’s the first time Sakura heard such a snarky comment coming from Yun Lee. Sakura rolls her eyes but a snort escapes her nonetheless.

"Very cold Sakura, very cold. I couldn’t be more proud."

Sakura turns around from the vanity mirror to look at both familiars. They are laying on the bed, looking as comfortable as one can get with their fur freshly cleaned (they did claim the bathtub after her, Sakura was eager to help them, they needed it even more than she did.).

"You two are a literal storm together, you know that right?"

She only gets a fit of laughter in return and the chatter continues. Sakura goes back to rubbing some lavender oil in her hair and on her neck, a ritual that Hinami started with her after her mother’s passing, a remedy to chase away the nightmares. Besides that Sakura likes the scent, the calming effect it has on the senses.  

The door opens and she turns around just in time to see Syaoran coming into the room. Yun Lee immediately leaps down from the bed to tell him all about how Sakura shut down Lady Sall. Sakura herself only watches them interact in the mirror. Syaoran listens with mild interest before a grin spreads on his lips and he chuckles, scratching Yun Lee behind her ear. 

Sakura rarely gets to hear him laugh, it’s a deep and surprisingly warm sound that makes her stop everything and search for his image in the mirror. And he looks back. His eyes are warm, still tired but that’s a nearly permanent look on him now. He steps closer until he is so close behind her she can feel his body heat on her skin. She tenses for a moment, not sure what she expects, twisting her hair in her hands. But he only presses a kiss to the crown of her head and says in a low voice:

"Good job."

And with that, he steps back leaving Sakura confused, but with something unknown blooming in her chest. She twists her hair more, feeling her cheeks heating up as her mind spins. Yelan’s words come back to her then: ‘That is a well mannered and court way to say you do dear.’

She realizes now that she does, she does want him, she wants it to work, to truly work. And she wants him not because he is her husband, not because she needs to secure her position, not because he needs an heir. Sakura wants this because it’s him who makes her feel warm, who makes her feel things she hadn’t experience before that. 

So she looks at herself in the mirror, her cheeks flushed and skin glistening slightly with oil. She makes a decision. If she truly wants it, she is simply going to have to do it. 

So she turns around suddenly, clearly startling everyone in the room, including Syaoran who is just in the process of taking his jacket off. She ignores the stares and quickly comes to the door, opens it and holds them ajar.

"Yun Lee, Kerberos, please go on a walk."

Everyone keeps staring at her, but Syaoran’s eyes narrow like he is trying to figure out what she is up to.

"Sakura?"

Kerberos aks.

"Kero, just humor me and go for a walk."

Both familiars grumble for a few seconds more before they go out through the door which Sakura immediately shuts behind. She studies the wood for a moment, nervous to proceed further.

"What was that about?"

Syaoran asks and Sakura turns around answering immediately before all her courage is lost.

"You haven’t touched me since our wedding day."

Syaoran just stares at her for a second, his mouth opening and shutting, like he isn’t sure what he should say, what she wants him to say. Yet in the end he simply asks:

"Do you want me to touch you?"

Sakura can feel her cheeks heating up immediately. The silence stretches for a second as they both stay in place and just look at each other. Syaoran narrows his eyes, his irises burning up again and his tone is deeper, warmer, more seductive when he asks again.

"Do you want me Sakura?"

This time she can’t help it as a sigh escapes her and all she can manage is a breathy:

"Yes."

He comes to her in a few strides, his gaze intense as his eyes lay on her form. He cups her cheek with one hand while the other grabs her by the waist to pull her flush against him. Sakura barely has time to gasp, look him in the eyes or register his breath hot on her cheeks before he kisses her.

It's not sweet, not gentle nor patient.

This is a hungry need, pure passion.

His lips claim hers instantly, his kisses are wet, open mouthed and borderline sloppy but they are exactly what she needs. His hands roam her body, the hand he had on her cheek now moved to her neck, tilting her head to his liking while the other roams her body through her shift. Sakura responds with her own touches, one of her hands slips under his doublet to cares his shoulder while the other goes up to his hair.

His hand goes to her bottom and he squeezes it prompting Sakura to moan into his mouth softly. He takes that as an opening and slips his tongue in, in an instant interlacing it with hers. She responds by pulling at his hair and this time it's his turn to groan. It's low and animalistic and it makes her chest grow with pride.

Syaoran lets his other hand fall to her side, only to stop on her thighs and lifts her up. She responds by hooking her legs behind his back and pushing herself against him. 

His lips leave her and there is a moment when they just look at each other, flushed, panting, pupils dilated. Sakura would feel embarrassed if not for his hands on her body, his growing erection pressing onto her buttock and his hungry eyes on her.

Syaoran lowers her onto the bed, his mouth trailing slow, sloppy kisses on her jawline, down the column of her neck and onto her collarbones as he pulls away, though he is still settled in between her legs. Sakura looks up at him. He is doing quick work of the laces of his doublet, and she takes the queue by quickly taking off her shift.

He reaches her before she reaches him. 

His attention on her mouth again, his kisses quick and still messy, but they make the itch between her legs grow. His hands roam her naked body, leaving goosebumps on her skin. One of his hands settles on her hip, tracing patterns with his thumb dangerously close to her navel. But his other hand goes to her breast, taking her nipple in between his fingers. His kisses one again trail from her mouth and directly to the column of her neck, finding the place he already knows makes her shatter.

Sakura moans, arching towards him and begging for his hand to itch closer to her center, to make her feel as good as she knows he can. But his attention is on her neck and her breast. Kissing, sucking and nibbling  until she can feel her wetness pulling out of her. He knows that too, how maddening it is to have his hand so close to where she wants it to be.

It's only when her moans turn into his name, that he trails his kisses down her breast, her ribs, her stomach, her navel. She truly registers what he is trying to do when his breath hovers over her center and his hands moved from her hips to place her legs on his shoulders. She can't believe it, surely he can't. 

But he does. 

His tongue parting her inner lips in one swift lick.

Sakura cries out at the sensation.

_ Oh, it's so much better than his fingers. _

She can feel him smirk against her. He gives her another long lick, his tongue curling against her clitoris. That earns him another cry. Her hands find its way to his hair, pulling at them immediately as he continues his ministrations.

He holds her steady, hand on her hips as she wiggles in his grasp, moaning with every lick of his tongue. She breathes his name when his lips suck on her bundles of nerves and grab his hair tighter when his tongue enters her. 

Syaoran groans whenever she starts to wiggle out of his grasp. He holds her so tight she thinks it may bruise but she doesn't care, she wants it too much and he can give it to her too quick. 

The sound of his tongue licking out her wetness is enough to drive her crazy as it is. 

He has to, he just has to bring his fingers into this. 

His damned fingers. 

Without warning Syaoran pushes one of them inside her, his mouths diverging to her clitoris and suddenly the tension that was building slowly but intensely becomes a rather sweet torture of turmoil. 

Sakura’s moans intensify and his name becomes a prayer on her lips, breath shaky, as she can't think of a better deity to worship than him. His hair in her hands, his fingers curling inside of her and his tongue lapping at her center. This prayer is sweeter than any other as she nearly screams his name when the knot that has been tightening to the point of pain suddenly snaps. She trashes on the bed, her toes curling against his shoulders and her hips resisting in his grips. 

His tongue doesn't leave her as she convulses against him, coming down from her high, his name still on her lips like a prayer. 

His fingers slip out of her when she is a panting mess. Her legs drop off his shoulders when he gets up and smirks at her. His eyes are burning, pupils dilated, eyes only indicating one thing: want. 

He yearns for the woman below him, hair wild, cheeks flushed, breath ragged, eyes big and dimmed with want. His wife who just sang his name like he was a god sent to bring her pleasure. 

Gods he wanted to fuck her. Be inside her right now and make her come, again and again until all she could feel is him. 

And all that Syaoran needed was one word before any logic could stop him from doing so, his name uttered like a prayer. 

He enters her swiftly making her cry out, he stills fully inside her, letting her wrap her legs around his waist taking him in. He breathes a quick curse against her neck. She feels so good, so tight, hot and wet wanting him so badly. He moves inside her, gently, slowly so accurate in his thrusts that she often bites his arm not to cry out. 

It’s his time to worship her. Breathing curses, praises and her name as he pumped in and out of her in a steady slow rhythm. 

Until she moaned:

"Faster, please faster."

And who is he to defy his wife? 

He raises from his elbows pushing her up in one swift motion, and in a second he is pumping into her furiously. Thrust after frust, the sound of flesh hitting flesh nearly cancels out his wife's cries. But keeping his composure is impossible because he knows he found that place again, he knows because she cries out his name loud and she claws at his back, her walls starting to clench around his cock. 

Syaoran wants to see the pleasure he gives her shuttering body. When he looks at her, she looks right back at him with dimmed eyes and  clenches around him completely, screaming and moaning as her orgasm sweeps through her. 

And it's too much for him. He swears, curses maybe prays or maybe it's her name that leaves his mouth as he spills inside of her, his cock still deep inside, their hips joint as he twitches all over. 

Syaoran’s arms give out and he has to shift his weight before he crushes her completely. Sakura doesn’t seem to mind, as she holds him through his return from the heights, even if their breathing is just as uneven. Xiao Lang feels that he can fall asleep when her fingers start comb through his hair, he would be content like this, in his wife’s arms. The familiar’s are due to come back soon and surely they don’t want to be caught like this, so he kisses her neck and gets up and helps her clean up and back into her shift. By the time he comes back to bed she is already asleep.

He holds her again, already used to the warmth of her body at night. Sakura shifts in his arms, holding him closer to herself. 

Xiao Lang lets himself hope it could last, that she could grow to care for him despite everything. 

But he knows she is a creature of light and such creatures don’t love monsters like him. 

  
  


 

 

*This is actually a real road, it was an  ancient trade route for the transfer of amber (otherwise known as the Gold of the North(real amber is really expensive)) from coastal areas of the North Sea and the Baltic Sea to the Mediterranean Sea. Just thought it would be nice touch/history trivia.

 

**I am to lazy and untalented to translate it for you but here grab the  [ folk version ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBl-ibBbvmo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially the longest chapter i have ever wrote, nearly 10k and the 8th one is not looking any shorter. A beast to edit to be honest. 
> 
> Also I changed the rating...for obvious reasons. 
> 
> As always a big thank you to my lovely betas: kuroi-kotoba and andec02, do check them out on tumblr! :)
> 
> You can find me as anathash on tumblr or you can check out my art at: wikapikadraws also on tumblr :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

On their sixth morning on the road, Sakura wakes up with an all too familiar feeling, her moon blood. After a tug of sharp pain wakes her up, a sudden feeling of fear washes over her. It's an instinct brought forward by the pain and her husband’s arms around her. It's her monthly blood, which means only one thing, she is not pregnant, she holds no value still.

Sakura moans quietly, inhaling through her teeth. She has had painful cycles before, cramps were so common during that time that she grew quite used to the throbbing, only the sharpest of stings able to make her lose her composure, but this, well this is far worse. 

But still, she is sure it will likely fade by the time morning comes. 

She stills in Syaoran’s arms for precisely a second before a sharp sting of pain makes her fold into herself, alerting him in the process. For a few moments he just stirs, by now accustomed to her wiggling in the morning so this simply doesn’t alert him. It’s only when the pain makes her unable to stay silent does he fully wake up. 

Sakura can barely register him sitting up on the bed, his touch not leaving her as he leans over to look. But she is too caught up in the pain to even think about it. She can only curl up and wait for the cramp to loosen up. Normally they last a mere few moments before they become bearable, but this one seemed longer on top of being much more painful. 

She does, however register Syaoran’s fingers in her hair, brushing along her scalp in the means to ground her from the pain. Somehow he must have known, otherwise, he would have rushed for the medic already. Instead, he holds her and pets her until the pain soothes. It does in the end, and it’s only then that she registers that he has laid her head in his lap. The gesture makes her heart sore, but she can’t look at him. She doesn’t want to see the disappointment, any indication, or even a shadow of shame in his eyes. So she opts to stare at the patterned covers of the bed sheets.

"Better?"

He whispers quietly as if not to disturb the stillness of the room. That’s when she registers that the sun isn’t even up yet, the sky still mostly dark. She doesn’t want to say anything maybe to keep the peace the lack of pain created or maybe so he doesn’t stop brushing through her hair. So she only nods. 

A few moments pass before he speaks again.

"I will go have someone prepare a bath for you. It will make you feel better."

He is still whispering when he says that. Sakura wants to ask him how does he know that, but then she remembers, four sisters, so once again she only nods.

 

 

"Are you mad?"

The question rings inside the silent chamber, where nothing could be heard except for scribbling of a pen and the soft splashes of hot water. 

Xiao Lang goes stiff and turns to his wife immediately. She is lying in the tub, the water giving out a strange but pleasant aroma of herbs the servants have added to it when he told them why the Empress needed a sudden bath at the crack of dawn. And from what he can tell it worked to some degree. At least she stopped to visibly hurt. 

Sakura doesn't look at him, only at the ceiling, seemingly mapping the frescoes adoring it.

"What? Why would I…"

He says, not giving the question any thought, and when he does, he falls silent. 

They aren't close. They don't love each other. Any trust that they might have built is circumstantial and way too fragile for her to believe that she doesn't need to secure her place by his side, that the sacrifice she has made was proof enough of that. But he can't make himself say that. So he only turns back to his papers not remembering what he was reading at all.

"No. I am not."

He says finally, mindlessly turning the feather between his fingers. The water splashes alerting him of Sakura’s movement. He can feel her gaze on him and so he continues.

"I would be a fool to think that those few nights we have spent together would produce a child that quickly. And even more foolish if I were to blame you for that."

She still doesn't say anything and so Xiao Lang feels the urge to look at her, see if his words have any effect on her. And when he does, their gazes lock. Her eyes are solemn, pained but they haven't lost any of their beauty, only brought forward by the candlelight.

"You are young Sakura. Give it time."

He says finally, not knowing the right words to comfort her, or even if there are any, so he turns back to the paperwork. For a moment he can feel her gaze on him before she shuffles again.

"You don't have an heir, and we may not have time."

She says, as quietly as she did before. Xiao Lang clenches his teeth, his gaze once again freezing on the papers. They both know that even if all of this is true, this is still beyond their control. Even if they laid together every night it would not assure a pregnancy. And even if they get pregnant it doesn't assure a son. 

Just like the fact that even if they are winning this war, doesn't assure they will win. All it takes is one man, one slip in security, one drop of a right poison, and just like that this war would be over.

"No, we might not."

He nearly whispers, clenching the feather in between his fingers. The room falls back into silence as both royals are not able to look at each other, only at the sun slowly rising on the horizon. 

 

  
  
"She has at least ten guards around her, two familiars and an overload of soldiers, I assure you Xiao Lang that nothing will happen if you don't check up on her every few seconds."

If Xiao Lang didn't know better he would say that Eriol is jealous, but irritated is a more appropriate choice of words. And maybe he is right, but at the same moment, Eriol doesn't really look at her. Xiao Lang can see through her facade, he can see that she is still hurting, or maybe that she has even gotten worse. On the other hand, he knows this solely because she couldn't hide it from him in the morning. 

Despite her complection being much paler than usual, and her coat a bit more warm than necessary, she looks fine, chatting up both Yun Lee and Kerberos, who seem to be plastered to her side, now more than yesterday. 

But he does turn, knowing fully that he is acting irrationally.

"I know. What were you saying?"

Eriol rolls his eyes at him as if Xiao Lang didn’t already know that he was irritated with him.

"What I was trying to say was that I think I am ready to get married, after the war is over that is."

Xiao Lang just stares at his friend, trying to comprehend if his early wake up has somehow caused him to hallucinate. Eriol? Eriol wants to get married? Is not being pressured to get married but wants to?

"Are you sure you are not still drunk from yesterday?"

Is the only thing he can say. This is only half a jest, mostly because he can’t believe it.

"I am serious Xiao Lang."

Eriol turns to him, his eyes hard and stern. 

Of course, Xiao Lang knows that it’s just that Eriol has always enjoyed being free, at least in that department, both of them had. As the heir to the throne and the heir to one of the most wealthy regions of the Empire respectively, they have lead similar lives, where every single step had been pre-planned by someone else, where every move they made was watched, and every decision they’ve made must have been supported. That is why he is surprised that Eriol even brought it up without any convincing.

Xiao Lang hums, his gaze curious.

"Hmm… What even brought that on?"

Eriol just shrugs, clearly trying to sound nonchalant, eager to have this conversation over with.

"Nothing. I was your secretary since you were fourteen, your Hand from the moment of the coronation. I choose to uphold from marriage up until you have taken an Empress. And now you have."

Now it’s Xiao Lang’s turn to roll his eyes.

"Don't go acting as if you haven't enjoyed that freedom."

Eriol huffs, a small smile forming on his lips. There is a moment of silence between them. A few things still bother the ruler regarding the whole situation.

"What does Kaho think of your decision?"

Eriol stills at the question, just as Xiao Lang predicted he would. 

Kaho came into their lives when Eriol was seventeen and Xiao Lang was fourteen when his father had decided he had to get to know the lands he will rule. It was then that they stumbled upon one particular shrine. Obviously, they were greeted with open arms and spend over a week there. During that time they’ve met Mizuki Kaho, the priest’s daughter. An older, charming woman that emitted as much grace and elegance as any noble Lady. She was a great magi, even if her talents were only used in religious ceremonies. Kaho was also older than them by a few years. As far as Xiao Lang knew, she was Eriol’s first love and she continued to be so long after they’ve left. He has never seen Eriol as enamored as he always been when he visited Kaho. 

It became an arrangement soon. A hushed-up gossip in court and a scandal for Xiao Lang to keep quiet. Both of them knew that it will never come to pass, even with Xiao Lang in power. It was just too much to look over, her birth, her lack of dowry or connections. Not to mention she was nearing thirty, unmarried and fastly becoming unable to ever produce any children of her own*. 

She could never become the Lady Hiiragizawa of the Golden Valley, the only thing she could ever be is a faceless woman in court gossip. 

No matter how much they felt for each other.

"Kaho is… She is beautiful, talented, smart, an amazing magi but…"

Eriol’s voice breaks on a few octaves, his thoughts trailing in the middle of the sentence.

"But she is old, poor, the daughter of a priest and you are the Lord of the Golden Valley and the Hand of the Emperor."

Xiao Lang finishes for him, a little bit harsher than he intended to, but he needed to remind his friend of who they were, what their positions require of them. They were never destined to marry who they love, never to chase after their dreams, only to do their duty, to lead their people.

"Yes, as much as I would like to marry her, it's just not what is going to happen."

They stay silent for a few moments. Xiao Lang giving his friend space to think and calm down, while he does some thinking of his own. After all, if it's not Kaho, it must be someone else.

"Let me guess now, Lady Daidouji?"

It’s a shot in the dark to be honest, purely based on their rather close conversations during his wedding to Sakura. But Eriol, stiffens at the question, his face falling for a second before he turns away from his friend. Xiao Lang can’t help a smirk, that falls as soon as it appears.

"Listen, she is a perfect Lady, your children would inherit their whole fortune, and I am sure she is already plotting to get into our court so she can be closer to Sakura."

And Xiao Lang won’t even attempt to stop her, after all, he wishes to have a peaceful marriage. He can hear Eriol huff by his side.

"I have suspected as much. She is an interesting Lady, not a magi, but well-read, intelligent, one of the best conversationalist I have met. Also, she would be great at not only managing the household but half of my responsibilities as well. She is young, beautiful and can charm the court in a flash."

Xiao Lang narrows his eyes at his friend, clearly young Lady Daidouji had him charmed in a flash.

"We both know all that."

Eriol opens his mouth to say something but Xiao Lang quickly interrupts him, eager to get his point across.

"Eriol, if this was any other Lady I wouldn’t have said anything. But this is Daidouji Tomoyo, my wife’s best friend, these two are practically joined at the hip, do you know what that means? It means that your marriage life will affect my marriage life. And so I urge you that the moment you marry her, you break any contact with any other woman, especially Kaho."

He looks at Eriol as he speaks, using the same voice he resorted to during the council meetings. He hoped it reminded his Hand how serious the matter was. 

Eriol remains silent through it all but holds his gaze without cowering.

"Unless she agrees to it."

Xiao Lang resists the urge to whack his friend on the head at the words. But resorts to lifting up his head towards the sun and composing a silent prayer to great Svarog**. Gods take pity on him if Eriol fucks this one up. The royal sighs before answering.

"Yes, unless she does, that’s not unheard of."

Eriol’s shoulders shake in a quiet chuckle. It takes a moment and a pointed look from his friend and sovereign before he composes himself.  

"Speaking of marriages…"

The Lord of the Golden Valley starts speaking again, curiosity in his gaze, before he is interrupted by a wave of distressed shouts coming from behind them.

"Your Majesty!"

"Sakura!"

Multiple shouts cut the conversation short as Xiao Lang immediately turns around to see what is happening. And once he does he immediately leaps down from his horse, paying no mind to the rest of his companions. 

Sakura sways in her saddle, caught at once by the soldiers, who rush to stop the horse and get her onto the ground safely. Their familiars are close to her, letting the soldiers help but shouting her name in the process. Once she is on the ground, she sways in their grip, a young man seems conflicted whether he should even be touching her, but catches her the moment she loses her balance. 

Xiao Lang is by her side in an instant, taking her from the poor fellow and steadying her in his arms so he can look at her. Her complexion is even paler than in the morning. Her eyes seem hazy and so disoriented that he wonders if she can even see him. Her skin is covered in sweat despite the fact that she is shivering under her coat. Before he can even say anything, she wiggles out of his grasp and tumbles forward to the side of the road. Sakura then bends forward, her knees hitting the ground before Xiao Lang can catch her. The soldiers, who were frozen in shock before, circle them before Sakura starts throwing up the little breakfast she managed to eat this morning. Xiao Lang still holds her, bringing her braid back before it gets caught up in anything.

He looks up at the guards, realizing they were his own rather than Sakura’s, their emerald cloaks loosely falling off their frames. They must have reacted as soon as he did.

"Lan, bring me some water. Fei, find the medic."

The two guards almost immediately leave the circle, acting so quick they don’t waste any time, leaving him to care for his wife, who, having nothing left to throw up, started to heave in panic. Xiao Lang can only bring his arms around her more firmly.

"Breathe, Sakura."

She does as she is told and with every breath she takes it sounds more and more like a sob. He leans down to look at her, her cheeks are stained with tears and her features are twisted in pain. He was right then, it has gotten worse. 

Lan comes to a quick stop before them, panicked and breathless. He holds a skin full of water to them, not able to spit out much more than his title. Xiao Lang takes it immediately and brings it to Sakura’s lips.

"Drink."

She doesn’t look at him, doesn’t stop the tears either, but she drinks when he tilts the skin for her. Clearly, she is too caught up in the pain to think about much else. Xiao Lang doesn't question her, he knows the feeling all too well after all. Well, not exactly, but he suspects a deep enough flesh wound could compare. 

Fei is nowhere to be found for a moment but the medics tended to ride to the middle end of retinue rather than close to the front so it might actually take him a moment to bring someone. For now, Xiao Lang focuses on getting Sakura out of any proximity of her own sick and somewhere she can actually sit.

"Let's try and get up, alright?"

He says in the softest tone he has ever spoken around his soldiers, but this is about his wife. Besides they were Yamazaki’s men, a loyal and hard worked pack that didn't let him down since this war started. 

Sakura nods weakly and he can feel her leaning on him even more. So he hoists them up, holding Sakura by her whole frame it seemed. He doesn't even have to motion to his men, as they select the nearest fallen tree as the closest thing to any resting point. 

They are surrounded by forests now that they officially made it to the new borders on the foot of the Noma mountains. The air is fresh, the water is plenty from nearby rivers but it's also chiller despite it being may already. At least the view is pleasing.

Officer Chen comes forward and lays a blanket down on the ground so Sakura doesn't grow cold. It takes a few more minutes for the medic to come, in which Xiao Lang learns that his wife is very… touchy when she is in pain. She practically crawls into his lap and sinks into his frame, letting him hold her closer. To be quite honest Xiao Lang doesn't know what else he can do for her except to let her hide away from prying eyes. 

Yun Lee and Kerberos lie down next to them. The lion almost lies his head on Xiao Lang just to look at his mistress. They look calmer though. 

The medic is an older man, as they all seem to be. His garments are simple, dark to cover up the blood they are so often covered in. There is a silver pin on his collar, identifying him as one of the Crown medic and although his gray eyes are familiar Xiao Lang can’t pinpoint a name. He is sure though that this man hadn’t worked in the Fang Keep before the war. He comes to them rather quickly, carrying his bag with him.

"Your Majesties."

He greets calmly, kneeling in front of them. Xiao Lang looks up at him.

"It's her moonblood. She was hurting since the morning, she is anemic and has thrown up. She said that it had hurt before but today it's just much worse."

The elder looks at Sakura, his eyes focused on her face when he asks:

"Your Majesty, is it your first moonblood since the wedding?"

Somehow his wife maneges to turn slightly in his arms, just so she can look at the medic.

"Yes."

Her voice is quiet, strained and shaky with only just one word. 

The medic sighs, the resignation settling into his frame as his shoulders drop.

"There is nothing much I can do then, maybe besides some herbs or some opium."

The medic says in a quiet, calm tone. Sakura wiggles in Xiao Lang’s lap, eyes suddenly wide despite her frame still shaking.

"No. No opium."

She says, her voice almost too resolved for her state, a far cry from the tone of the previous word. Xiao Lang knits his brows and looks at her. He has taken opium enough times to know just how much it can help.

"Sakura, don't…"

"No opium Syaoran."

Her green eyes glisten, and Xiao Lang knows she is putting the last bits of her resolve into this argument. So he nods, even if just to make her save her strength. 

He turns to the medic who sits across them, his hands clutched on his bags. Clearly, he thinks that his say in the matter is final.

"You've heard my wife, brew the herbs."

The medic nods at Xiao Lang’s cold tone. For the next few minutes, he crushes various herbs, muttering something under his breath as he measures and picks things from his bag. They brew some water in a small kettle, using the fire from one of Xiao Lang’s seals that he brings to life with a few words in a language already forgotten by those without magical talent. 

Qiang, his squire, brings a blanket at one point, “For the Empress”, he says as shyly as a fourteen-year-old boy would. It doesn't stop Sakura from shaking but at least she isn't as cold.

"Is it normal?"

Xiao Lang asks calmly, wondering if it would be a monthly occurrence to hold his hurting wife. The medic looks up at him briefly from the mixture of herbs he is carefully grinding.

"Mage women tend to have a more painful cycle than others, it has to do with slight differences in their physiology. To add to it some women have very painful cycles after losing their virginity. It seems that her majesty is simply suffering from both at once."

Xiao Lang looks down at his wife. She is shivering in his arms curling further and further into his frame, desperately trying to warm herself up even though the shivering doesn’t come from the cold. Even he instinctively rubs his hands against her so the friction can help her.

"The next cycle should be lighter, you should only worry if the pain continues or the blood flow is too severe, other then that her Majesty should be fine."

The medic says but doesn’t look up from his work this time, adding yet another herb into the wooden bowl. The water starts to boil and the medic carefully pours it to the herbs and sets it onto the cold ground to cool it down. 

Xiao Lang keeps rocking Sakura slowly on an instinct. He looks out at their party, all standing patiently next to their horses. Some are taking a break to stretch their legs or grab something to eat. Some of them keep throwing curious glances in their direction. Eriol is amongst the Generals, no doubt taking care of too many issues to count, half of them probably weren’t even to be brought to his notice. 

Sakura moans in her lethargic state bringing Xiao Lang’s attention back to her. Her head is pressed into the leathers of his suit, her features still twist in pain, her bangs keep sticking to her forehead, but her eyes remain shut. He brings the blanket closer around her. He knows that it does nothing though.

"Warm pressure on the abdomen can ease the pain."

The medic breaks the solemn silence.  Xiao Lang looks at him, slightly confused.

"For her Majesty. Usually, we use skins filled with hot water."

The medic clarifies, a small smile still on his face. 

Xiao Lang immediately looks to Officer Fei still standing in the close proximity.

"Fei." The man turns to them immediately. "Fetch me a thick skin."

"Right away, your Grace."

Xiao Lang looks back to the medic.

"The herbs are ready."

It takes a moment to wake Sakura up from her slumber, but after a few gentle shakes, she is awake. Not wide, her eyes are still closing shut every so often and Xiao Lang doubts she can fully comprehend but it will have to make do. The medic takes the still steaming bowl into his hands and passes it carefully to the ruler. He brings it to Sakura, hoping she is conscious enough to understand. Those emerald eyes look from him and to the bowl.

"Drink, but slowly, it’s still hot."

He says quietly. Sakura nods her head and brings her hand to his. Xiao Lang helps her tilt the bowl just so, so she can drink it. Apparently, it’s not as hot as he thought because in a few moments the brew is mostly gone. Xiao Lang lowers the bowl to settle it back onto the ground. 

He knows that the medic is packing his things, but those deerlike green eyes are looking at him and he simply can’t look away. It’s hypnotizing in a sense. Maybe because there is no weigh in it. Because in her eyes he is not the Emperor, he is not a ruler, he is not a murderer, not a tyrant...he is just her husband. Whatever that intitles in her mind. Soon her eyelids fall shut and it breaks the spell enough for him to whisper.

"Sleep, you will feel better afterwards."

Sakura curls into his frame, all of her poise and propriety forgotten in face of pain. He tries not to be affected by the way her forehead rests on his chest, her arms grabbing onto him as she sinks into his embrace, at least he hopes his mask hides it well. 

The medic already stands when Xiao Lang turns to face him.

"Thank you."

The man bows, a small smile staying on his face.

"At your service, your Grace. Please do call for me if her Majesty isn’t feeling better still."

"We will."

He watches as the man walks away with one of the soldiers towards the further end of their rather large party. 

Fei comes back soon after and pours some hot water into the skin per Xiao Lang’s instructions, who then presses it onto Sakura’s abdomen. She is asleep still so she doesn't acknowledge it, but he can see that her face relaxes a little. 

For a moment he just sits there, observing the soldiers. Some of them wear the blue and red of House Kinomoto, of the Clow Kingdom, while the majority was northern, much more earthy in its colouring. Their closest retinue alone consists of almost a thousand men, another thousand ahead, another eight thousand reinforcements following suit, mounted in a 1:2 ratio. It is good. Outstanding even. Heavy losses were accounted on both sides, he burned many of his men***, but so did Robert. Although he assumes the King of Weave preferred to send his men to the sea. Right now he knows he has more troops, the fleet is still a problem if the snake chooses to flee and not fight, but it is a problem for another day, not something to focus on too much at the moment.

"Shall we arrange for someone to ride with her majesty?"

He studies the sigil of House Onver, the dark bear on the sea of icy blue when Eriol startles him. Xiao Lang turns ever so slightly to see his Hand standing casually to his right. It takes a moment before the words truly reach him.  

"She will ride with me."

He says finally, his brows knitted in confusion. Sakura was his wife, after all, he would not let any men touch his wife. It was completely out of question.  

Eriol doesn't even act surprised, given that Sakura is quite literally curled up in Xiao Lang’s lap. At this point, his advisor must know that he is quickly becoming quite protective of his wife. Probably thinking it will be good for his image, but preparing for a thousand different ways this could go wrong at the same time. To Eriol, Sakura is a necessity, a strategic move, she is eight thousand men for their army and an assurance of the Li linage. To Xiao Lang, she is all of that, but she has to be so much more as well. 

His Hand simply nods his head and turns around to manage the soldiers before they think the break will be longer than what was already given. In the meantime, Xiao Lang motions to his guards for help and soon they figure out a way to help him up without waking up Sakura, which proves to be an easier feat than somehow sitting her steadily in the saddle which she has to be awake for. She reassures them that she can, and will do it alone, but in this state, she clearly doesn’t have the resolve needed to fight him. So she lets him hoist her up onto the saddle, and a few of his men hover near her as Xiao Lang gets on himself. 

This resolve of her lasts approximately a few minutes before she sinks into his frame once more, and soon Xiao Lang can hear her breathing even out as she falls asleep. He ignores Eriol’s stare for a while, that is until it actually becomes unbearable. He sighs, turning to his friend with a sceptical stare, ready.

"Just say what you want to say."

Eriol only shrugs, his face impassive as always.

"I gather there is no Prince on the way."

Xiao Lang barely contains a groan.

"Do shut up."

  
  


 

The Forestvale Keep is an impressive castle nestled in the middle of a dark and dense forest, somehow yet it’s many towers manage to peak above the surroundings, it is also their stop for the night. It is controlled and managed by House Blackwell, who’s Lord, Rowen Blackwell was the first one to bend the knee to Xiao Lang when his armies stood at the borders of Riverdale. Over the months that they have been fighting alongside each other, they became quite good acquaintances, friends even. Therefore Xiao Lang was even looking forward to spending the evening there. 

They enter the courtyard, where the Blackwell family and its household await them at the bottom of the stairs leading into the building. They don’t ride to them immediately, however, given Sakura’s state.

"I will carry you."

The words leave his lips as soon as his feet hit the ground. Sakura has been conscious for a while, and now she shoots him a stern look. Or as much of it as she can muster in her state. It's really a miracle in itself she is holding herself up. Though it's just may be another thing to admire about her.

"I will walk myself."

She holds her chin high, even though her lips tremble a bit. Xiao Lang matches her stern look with his own.

"You can barely sit up straight."

And as if to spite him, she straightens in the saddle, making Storm stomp on his hooves a bit. Syaoran has to hold the reins a bit tighter. 

He sends her an even more stern look, the crease in his brows tightening.

"Sakura."

"Syaoran."

They stare at each other for a moment.

In the end, Sakura sighs.

"I am your Empress. You've told me yourself that it's important for your people to have a strong ruler so this is what I am doing; being a strong Empress."

Her eyes glisten, her hands almost don't tremble and somehow she manages to move one with the horse despite being pale as snow. 

Syaoran sighs. 

She is right, she needs to be strong. Especially in front of his new vassals.

"You are holding onto me. We are saying that you don't feel good as soon as you eat so we can retire, alright?"

His voice is strong, eyes unyielding, looking straight at her. And in turn, Sakura smiles triumphantly, like staying strong is a prize, not an obligation. She nods her head and slides from the saddle, wobbling when her feet hit the ground but holding onto him tightly. 

He adjusts the hood of her cloak and she smiles at him once more.

"Shall we?"

 

 

 

Lord Blackwell is an older man, probably way into his thirties, his dark hair already graying at his temples and into his beard, but he looks elegant draped in the dark colours of his house. His wife, Lady Blackwell, is a young woman, probably an elder to Sakura by not more than ten years. Like her husband, she is also dressed in dark colours, which are a stark contrast to her white-blond hair. Their children are also with them. Two boys and three little girls. The boys, clearly twins with their dark hair and striking pale eyes look no older than ten, while the youngest child is held by her mother. 

As they approach, Sakura tries to ignore the cramps, holding her head high as she tries not to lean onto her husband much. Lord Blackwell falls to his knees and immediately the whole courtyard of the keep follows.

"Your Imperial Majesty."

Lord Blackwood says, still not getting up from his knees. Xiao Lang comes closer.

"Stand up, Lord Blackwell."

The Lord of Forestvel Keep looks up at them and rises, the whole courtyard follows suit. Syaoran smiles as the elder straightens his shoulders.

"It's good to see you again."

The Emperor extends his hand and Lord Blackwell takes it immediately, a smile lighting up his face. Their hands drop and the Lord's gray eyes land on Sakura, immediately he bows and kisses Sakura’s hand as soon as she extends it.  

"My Empress."

"It's a pleasure, Lord Blackwell."

She smiles but grips her husband's forearm tighter, letting it be the only outlet to her pain. Syaoran puts his hand on hers.

"Your Majesties, let me present my family: my wife, Ilyanna, our youngest Meera, our eldest Rickard and Temon, and the girls Lina and Anea."

Lady Blackwell smiles and curtseys perfectly despite little Meera wiggling in her arms.

"Your Majesties."

The boys bow while the girls curtsy, their curly white-blonde hair bouncing as they do. They follow their hosts into the manor, being shown into the rooms to freshen up before dinner which Sakura is very glad for since even if the pain has eased significantly, the flow certainly didn't and she is sure the change of clothing is necessary. The gown she chooses is dark green, almost black, like the pearls she wears on her brow. 

The Blackwell household is very lively, to say the least, which shouldn't be a surprise given that the children are all below ten years of age. Young Meera is already asleep but her siblings are full of energy, even as they move from the dining room and into the sitting rooms. 

Sakura can feel Syaoran observing her carefully even as he makes the conversation with Lord Blackwell. It is clear to her that her husband clearly enjoys the company of the elder man, a smile easing onto his lips every so often. 

Sakura on the other hand enjoys the company of the Lady of Forestvel. Lady Ilyanna is polite, warm and very bright. She makes easy conversation with Sakura throughout the evening. They speak about various topics, from the embroidery, through trade and well into the politics. At one point, little Anea climbs onto her mother’s lap. It’s then that they start speaking about the war.

"I am glad my Rowen pledged loyalty when he did."

Ilyanna said, her fingers going through her daughter’s locks but her gaze grows detached.

"We held no love for House Tide, but still the whole family… gone."

She says, appearing almost lost in thought. Sakura has heard that story, the whole continent heard that story. That’s just another example of how her husband gained his title of a monster. Sakura almost forgot about it or rather she dissociated her husband from it. It is almost surreal to think that the man who held her at night was the same man who ended the whole royal bloodline. 

First son was burned to crisp on the battlefield. 

Second son was executed after he refused to bend the knee. 

Third son died after weeks of torture. 

The father, the King, got a blade to the neck. 

The daughter was burned alive during the sack of the city. 

Finally, the mother, the Queen, took her own life. 

By the time the Capitol was conquered the whole royal family was gone. 

Sakura doesn’t allow herself to think about it. Because it’s what war is, and she simply has to accept that, no matter how much the world keeps telling her she is married to a tyrant.

"I am sorry, your grace, I didn’t mean…It’s just after that I honestly didn’t expect for the Emperor to be so…calm."

Lady Blackwell smiles apologetically, shaking her head before looking at Sakura. The Empress Consort answers the smile with one of her own, her eyes landing on her husband. He sits with Lord Blackwell, nursing a cup of ale in his hands, clearly engrossed in the conversation they are having. His copper eyes glisten in the dim lighting of the room.

"Yes…I didn’t think that as well. He can also be very kind if you can believe that."

Like when he holds her at night. He is not the man the continent thinks of him as, he is also not the same man she has thought him to be when he wrapped his family cloak around her shoulders.  

"Rowen was the same, your grace. Older than me by thirteen years and so stoic, but we made it work. Sometimes you just have to separate the husband from the ruler."

Sakura smiles at her and Lady Ilyanna smiles back. After that they fall back into their easy talks, trying to stay with the lighter topics. 

It’s interesting to look at Ilyanna and think about how she could resemble Sakura’s life in the future; stable household, loving husband, beautiful children. Of course, it will be that much chaotic for her. She will have a crown atop her head, food tasters, guards at every step, and her husband would not manage just a part of a country, but the majority of the continent. But she wishes, that at the very core, it would still be the same.

They retire quite early, but still after the governess puts all of the children to bed and after Sakura and Ilyanna finish a whole carafe of sweet wine. Syaoran himself had quite a few cups of ale but he — as always —  seems unaffected by alcohol. He helps her out of her gown and for the first time in a while he actually falls asleep by her side.

"I don’t think it would be wise to manage a war after this much ale."

He states when she asks. 

Sakura watches him carefully as he gets out of his doublet, the golden threads woven into the material glisten in the dim candlelight. She presses her head into one of the fluffy pillows laid out on the bed. Her eyelids fall shut, thanks to her exhaustion but mainly the wine.

"You never look drunk."

She murmurs into the pillow. Sakura can hear him huff, almost chuckling even. When she opens her eyes again the candles are out and she can barely see her husband getting under the sheets. But she can feel he is near as he gently pulls her closer to him. Her face is now nestled against his neck, his arm draped around her.

"Well I am, so let’s just sleep."

His deep voice vibrates in his chest, sounding even deeper to her in the crook of his neck.  

She tries not to think about House Tide when she hugs him back. 

  
  
  


 

Sakura wakes up to an empty bed. It’s not a rare occurrence, after all Syaoran is an early riser while she likes to get up when the sun is long onto the sky. Groggily, she untangles herself from the sheets, noticing that her moonblood pain is much weaker than the day before if not entirely non existent in comparison. Thank Mokosh, she didn’t think she would be able to travel another day in that state. 

When she sits up, she notices that the sun is not very high in the sky, maybe an hour after sunrise. She also notices Syaoran, sitting at a desk, with papers already laid out. He didn’t notice her yet, his eyes focused on the text before him, his brows creased in concentration. His hair is a mess, which she grew quite fond of, and there is a shadow of a beard on his jaw. Clearly, he isn’t ready to go about his day yet.

"Please tell me you slept at all."

His eyes snap to her when she says that. He is confused for a moment before he relaxes, his lips curving into a tired smirk.

"Good morning. And no, I have just woke up some time ago."

Sakura hums, getting up from the bed. Personally, she would like to spend at least a few more moments just laying around, but what she wants more is to be clean. So she grabs her robe as she gets out of bed, her bare feet hitting the cold marble floors, waking her fully.

"Yun Lee and Kerberos are out hunting, they should be back soon."

Syaoran says, eyes not leaving the paper he is currently writing on. Sakura comes up to him, tiptoeing from one laid out carpet to another. She lays a hand on his shoulder and reads the reports he has in his hands. Something about the state of the royal fleets, making a stop in Tomoeda.

"Are you feeling any better?"

He asks, leaning away from the desk and turning to face her more properly. Sakura smiles, she can’t say that she hasn’t enjoyed this newly found attention he has been giving her. Maybe if she is being more casual about those touches he too will be more relaxed with them as well. So she moves her hand from his shoulder and onto his neck, and his eyes immediately find hers.

"Much better, thank you."

Her voice is hushed but warm, so warm. On an impulse, she leans in to press a soft and quick kiss to his temple. She can feel him go stiff under her touch, and when she pulls away, he watches her carefully before a slow smirk appears on his lips. The moment of boldness is gone and she can feel herself blush furiously.

"I-I am going to go wash up."

She says, dropping her hand from his neck and stepping back. His eyes are still on her, copper irises nearly burning in the bright light coming from the windows. He nods, a smile still on his face when he says:

"I had them prepare warm water for you."

He says, turning back to his desk.

"Thank you!"

She calls, already on her way to the adjusted room. Just like Syaoran said, the basin is already there, along with a clean set of linen rags, one even with blood moss**** sewed in between a couple layers of fabric. There is a scarlet coloured riding dress with a pair of red-dyed leather pants laid out on the chair, along with a pouch of oh so sweet-smelling herbs, Sakura can smell them even from a distance. There is a note laying on top of the dress. 

 

_ Your Grace,  _

 

_ I hope the items I had my maids brought to you will prove useful in easing your discomfort during the rest of your journey. I also hope, you will join us for breakfast today before your departure, as I had enjoyed your company yesterday very much. _

 

_ Your Sincerely, _

_ Lady Ilyanna Blackwell.  _

 

Sakura smiles brightly at the note. She knows Lady Blackwell has everything to gain by befriending her since she is currently her sovereign's wife, but honestly, she doesn’t mind. She wonders what are Syaoran’s plans regarding these lands after the war, but judging from his long conversation with Lord Blackwell he does have something in mind. 

She makes quick work of cleaning herself up and putting on her outfit for the day. The scarlet colouring reminds her of the Kinomoto’s sigil red and it makes her warm, even if she is wearing it to hide her condition rather than represent her maiden House. She is struggling with the laces of her dress when she hears Syaoran ask:

"It’s red today?"

She turns around just in time to see him approach. He motions for her to turn to him, and grabs the laces from her hands. She doesn’t resist, instead, she studies him for a moment. He has clearly put himself together. His hair was brushed, his face shaved clean, and he had his lathers on.

"Lady Blackwell sent them over, besides red is convenient."

Syaoran hums in agreement, tightening the laces just so before tying a bow. He looks up at her.

"She clearly took to you. That’s good, we need them loyal."

Sakura wants him to elaborate further, maybe lay out all the plans he has for these lands, but before she can ask, he reaches past her, to the vanity.

"Do you need help with your hair?"

Sakura can only gape at him at the question. Her brows rise while his knit, that’s not something she has ever thought she would hear from her husband.

"You know how to braid hair?"

He seems offended at that. His brows knit, but his eyes sparkle as he keeps holding her gaze. Then Sakura remembers.

"Right, four sisters."

She says, brining a small smile to his face. She sits down on the vanity chair, and starts playing with the ribbon Hinami has given her as a parting gift. Syaoran turns the brush in his hands like it’s a dagger, before slowly combing her hair. Thankfully, she has already gotten the tangles out or this wouldn’t have been as relaxing as it was turning out to be.

"I gather you already have plans for the Blackwells?"

She asks when he starts to weave smaller braids into her hair. He doesn’t look up from when he answers.

"Of course I do! They were one of the first Houses to bend the knee when our forces came. Apparently they were in a feud with the King, moreover, they hold no love for Robert, it was easy to sway them to our side."

He gathers another section of her to make one more braid.

"Moreover, they manage these lands well, currently, they are one of the largest food sources for our armies. Not to mention these lands overflows in timber, and they manage to keep it in this state despite exporting it in large quantities. They know what they are doing and I respect that."

He explains in a calm tone, his hands doing quick work of the sixth braid close to her ear.

"But the point is; I want to make them Wardens of Riverdale. It makes the most sense."

She knows for the fact that the Empire operated with the usage of wardens in place of the old Kings. They swore fealty to the Li bloodline and ruled the lands in their name. They made reports to the Empire and obeyed any orders they were given, but in the end, they ruled those lands like sovereigns would. Usually a House closest to the crown was chosen, so it really made sense to put the Blackwells in this position. 

Syaoran starts to braid the rest of her hair together, including the braids, starting from the crown of her head.

"Have you already spoken with Lord Blackwell about this?"

She asks, watching him work from the vanity mirror.

"Yes. But as we are still at war, I can’t implement it immediately. He decided to follow us with his men sooner than expected… The ribbon, please."

She reaches behind, placing the ribbon in his extended hand. She then realizes he has done a Dutch braid, gathering all those thin braids he has done across her head into the main plait. It created a beautiful pattern in the braid. That kind of hairstyle was foreign to her, but she realizes it would be normality in her future since it was clearly in a northern fashion.

"There, done."

He says, dropping the braid across her shoulder. She turns around to look at him, a bright smile on her face, her hands going up to touch her hair instinctively.

"It’s wonderful, thank you."

Syaoran smirks easily and reaches out to tuck one of the loose strands behind her ear. She can feel herself blushing but at the same time, she can’t look away from his eyes. Lately, he has been so soft around her, so gentle, but at the same time, he is the same rigorous man she met weeks ago. 

He bends down, as she did before, and places a soft kiss above her brow. She doesn’t stiffen, finding herself almost leaning into his touch. When he steps back she can see the slight blush on his cheeks and she can’t help but smile at him.

"Glad to be of service, my lady wife."

  
  


 

They break their fast with their hosts. The children are eager to get out into the sun, but gods know how their governess somehow manages to keep them in check until their plates are clean. Lady Blackwell and Sakura giggle at the antics, their easy conversations a stark contrast to the serious deals their husbands surely discuss at the other end of the table. At least she judges that from the way Eriol notes everything down. 

Soon they stand on the steps to the manor, their horses already prepared for departure as they make their goodbyes. Lady Blackwell, who insists on calling her Ilyanna, expresses her hopes for them to keep in touch, and hopefully become good friends in the coming years. Sakura agrees, promising to write as soon as the opportunity presents itself. They part ways with smiles on their faces and hopefully a friendship blooming between likely allies. It would suit the Empire to keep good relations with a family in charge of such a fruitful territory. 

Syaoran waits for her next to Snow, holding the reins in one hand while he stretches another one out to help her up the saddle. She takes his hand, his sword hand she realizes. A hand that takes lives as easily as it braided her hair this morning. 

_ No, you can’t think that.  _

She tells herself as she climbs into the saddle. If she lets these thoughts linger, the fragile trust they have managed to build would quickly crumble. 

_ Separate the husband from the Emperor.  _

So she did. 

Or at least she tried. 

  
  
  
  


 

*While today woman can quite easily give birth until their forties and reach menopause average at fifty back then it was normal for a woman to reach menopause at thirty mostly due to the various diseases and bad diet. 

 

** Svarog is the son of Perun, god of sun, sky, fire and (mainly) blacksmithing. He is also the father of Swrożyc and Dadźbóg (or Dabóg)[there is no proper transcript of their names i could find so it’s polish or cyrylic for you] though many believe them to be one and the same. Swarożyc is a god of home hearths while Dadźbóg mainly carries the sun across the horizon. I am not sure if I had ever mentioned this one god but better safe than sorry.

 

*** Slavs, like many other cultures didn’t bury their dead but burned their bodies on pyres. They usually burned them with their most prized possessions such as swords, money or in rare cases wives or horses. There are many examples in pop culture of how such a ceremony would look like but the only one that comes to my mind now would be the death of Vesemir in Witcher 3 game, nice pyre, everyone present, burned with his swords. One of my favorite games by the way, highly recommend it, even after four years the graphics still hold up nicely. 

 

****Blood moss nowadays known as peat was often used to help stopped the bleeding (not only period bleeding but also wounds) as it can absorb a high quantity of liquids. Think of it as a medieval pad. In addition linen was also used or rather linen rags as they have similar absorption to cotton but were much cheaper (cotton needed to be imported). I have actually stumbled upon quite the argument of cotton vs linen while i was doing my research, clearly linen won. Woman also wore a lot of red during that time cuz you know, free flow was a thing. The herbs Sakura mentions were usually kept under the skirts and used to mask the scent of blood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo....Hi.
> 
> First of all I am really sorry for the delay. In my defense things happened. First of all my computer broke down, the disc gone including my drawings, but thankfully not the chapters. But the lack of my laptop for the majority of these two month surely slowed down the process of writing anything. Secondly well it's the end of the semester, yes I have flunked my exam but it was physics...adding Chemical doesn't make it any less physics so it's a god awful subject. Pray for my Monday makeup so I can finally write anything. 
> 
> So yeah life has been...something Surely but I hope coming back with nearly 9k words makes up for it,,,somehow. 
> 
> This work is beta'd by wonderful andrec02 and kuroi-kotoba, please check them out on tumblr!
> 
> My tumblr: anathash or wikapikadraws - here i will be posting some drawings and sketches for this AU. If you have any questions, don't be shy and just ask :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mokosh [Mokoš,Мокошь,Mokosz]; a Slavic goddess, protector of women's work and women's destiny. She watches over spinning and weaving, shearing of sheep, and protects women in childbirth. She is typically assosiated with spring.

"We have arrived!"

Someone at the front of their retinue exclaims.

Sakura looks up from her novel, just as Syaoran looks up from his papers. They were expected to arrive at the camp today, but in all honesty Sakura thought they would arrive well into the evening, and not in the afternoon. She shuts her book, hiding it in Snow’s saddlebags. She was nearing the end of this one too. “The last wish”* was first one of the many books gifted to her by her late mother, and the mercenary only had one wish left…

Syaoran by her side manages to get one more document sorted out before they all go into Storm's saddlebags. He straightens and adjusts his coat, so it flows effortlessly from his shoulder. It reminds Sakura to do the same. They are still in their riding attire, but this one has much more leather details and embroidery than the rest, not to mention the cloaks Eriol has instructed them to wear.

She didn't expect them to be so green though, even if the majority of her garments are green nowadays. It's just such a change from blues, golds and reds she has known her whole life.

According to Syaoran, who explained it to her in the same voice her governess used before Sakura was presented to the public, it was yet another type of a cloak that was assigned to the royal family. The cloak she has seen on their engagement and wedding is a lighter formal one, while the one she is wearing now is a semi formal cloak, used on the less formal occasions. Just as Syaoran had two crowns, each meant for different affairs. Apparently the bronze one is less formal but is a reminiscent of the older times when the Empire was only a Kingdom, well before hundreds of years of expansion.

Briefly she wonders which one of the rulers started the chain. He has only two of the fangs on him today, holding the cloak on the front rather than the back. His and Xiong Lang’s fangs apparently, yet another tradition to follow.

Gods, she needs to look into the history of the family she has married into way more fruelly than she already did. Too many little intricate details she missed so easily.

"Sakura?"

Her husband's voice catches her attention and she stops fixating her gaze on the golden handle of the fang. His brows are knitted together when she meets his gaze, indicating that he has asked a question before but she was too into her own thoughts to hear it.

"I am sorry, you were saying?"

Sakura draws a nervous smile onto her face. She swears Syaoran nearly rolls his eyes at her. A part of her wants to be annoyed while the other finds comfort in the informality of it all.

"I asked you to stay close while we are going in."

The former princess wants to point out that he is the one who hasn't left her side for the past few days, always ready to catch her if she were to fall again. But she enjoys the attention so she only says:

"Of course."

Slowly they make their way up a soft hill and when they finally see past it Sakura loses her breath for a moment.

The army, insane in its size, spreads into thousands of white tents creating a stark contrast to the soft greens of the willows and dark emerald of the forests around it. What blends in are her husband's sigils, flowing in the foehn. Even from this far Sakura can catch flashes of silver, no doubt from the soldiers’ armour.

It's breathtaking in a sense. If you are able to disconnect it from death and decay it brings.

Seeing the number of the Imperial forces is terrifying. She knew the power that is this nation but it's one thing to hear about it and another one to see it with her own eyes. These are the people her husband commands. These are the lives that rest upon his shoulders. And it is only the top of the iceberg.

Sakura turns to Syaoran but he doesn't look at her, his gaze fixed on the camp. His shoulders pulled back, spine straight, jaw clenched and eyes hard.

Xiao Lang turns to her after a few seconds but only to nod and nudge his mare to move forward. Sakura follows. Kerberos and Yun Lee run past them, nearly startling the horses. Somehow both Snow and Storm became rather indifferent to the big predators constantly in their presence.

At the edge of the camp stands a gathering of people, all wearing woolen emerald cloaks which thrown over different sets of armour create a rather unanimous image.

Emerald cloaks, the infamous Imperial Crownsguard.

Several paces before them stands a woman appearing to be around Sakura's age. Her long hair is braided and belated with silver ornaments that could be charms, but from this far Sakura can not tell. She wears a black utilitarian dress with cuts on both sides revealing a pair of leather pants, similar to what Sakura wears during the journey, but it's all mostly covered with a velvet cloak, dark red in colour and embroidered with various moon ornaments, even some jewels at the rimms. It all creates a perfect image of a mage. Not to mention a giant blue eyed panther at her side.

"Your Majesty." She drops into a bit too deep curtsey, but then her face breaks into a crooked grin when she says. "Master Eriol."

Sakura has never known someone whose sarcasm was this comical and obvious. Sakura can’t see past the barely holding it together Syaoran but she is sure the groan comes from the Lord Hand.

Eriol leans in across Syaoran, his eyes locking with Sakura’s.

"Your Grace, these are Nakuru Akizuki, my apprentice and Spinel, my familiar."

Eriol explains in a most tensed voice she has ever heard from him.

"I’ve told you it’s Ruby Moon."

Nakaru buts in, her voice annoyed and Sakura is surprised that she doesn’t puff her cheeks.

Eriol turns to her sharply, a smile on his face, but his voice starts out cold, harsh, like he is a kettle starting to boil-

"And I have told you; you can call yourself however you want when you become a proper mage!"

-and then he blows. He doesn’t really sound that mad, or maybe Sakura only thinks so because he reminds her of father when she accidentally almost blew up the stables when she practiced with the cards when she was twelve. Sakura adds a ‘tired dad’ to a list of Lord Hiiragizawa’s titles.

The master-apprentice duo continues to stare at one another and Syaoran just looks fed up so Sakura decides it’s up to her to defuse the situation.

"Nice to meet you, Spinel…" She starts, getting the attention of the whole gathering. Her eyes then land on the young mage. "Ruby."

The young girl gapes at her, her eyes sparkle and quickly she turns back to her master.

"I like her."

Lord Hiiragizawa rubs the bridge of his nose, clearly he can feel a headache coming strongly.

"Nakuru… this is your Empress, for Veles’* sake, she is 'Her Grace' to you."

Sakura doesn’t suppress a giggle.

"It’s okay, she will learn."

He looks at her, a cold, tired glare.

"Please don’t encourage her."

Eriol says almost desperately as he slides down from his saddle, no doubt to give his apprentice a lecture. Kerberos and Yun Lee on the other hand are all over Spinel.

"Your Majesty, back already? A shame."

A man, around Syaoran’s age comes forward from the line of people all draped in dark emerald cloaks. He is tall, dark haired and has a soft yet sarcastic smile that doesn't weaver. His eyes are sharp and there is a friendly aura to him that is only multiplied by the easiness of his words.

Sakura looks at her husband and he smiles, it's not as free as she has seen him but it's still a smile.

"I swear to Perun, if you set something on fire Yamazaki…"

Her husband grunts, but again she can hear the playful undertones in his voice. He slides off his saddle and lands gracefully on the ground. Sakura makes a move to get down also, before she sees him coming to her as the man, Yamazaki, laughs in the distance.

Honestly Sakura didn't think that Syaoran would continue to be as caring and attentive while in the camp, mostly for image sake. Maybe it's a part of his image now; a loving husband instead of a ruthless ruler. Maybe it is. Right now though his eyes linger on her, with his smile reflected in them. She slides off her saddle carefully, not breaking eye contact with him. His hands steady her onto the ground, fingers flowing from her tights, her waist and under her breasts before setting her on the ground.

After all those nights when he held her, all those nights with his warmth beginning to feel like a constant, she finds herself wanting his touch. Not necessarily in a sexual way, maybe just… his hand on the small of her waist, his fingers brushing hers, small little effortless gestures that made her hope… just hope.

"Only your tent, don't worry."

Yamazaki counters and Syaoran’s eyes crinkle again as they trail from Sakura to the officer.

"Went out of firewood?"

"Threw one navia** of a bonfire."

Both men begin to chuckle softly. Sakura’s head whips around just in time to catch the laughter on Syaoran’s face. It’s so rare to see him like this and so she involuntary memorizes the way his eyes crinkle, his cheeks lift and his mouth stretches bearing his teeth. It ends as soon as it begins, leaving the residue of a smile on his face. He moves towards the man and as soon as they are both close enough, they clasp their hands on each other’s forearms. The most informal greeting Sakura has seen her husband give.

"Good to have you back sir, the morale was starting to go down."

Yamazaki remarks, the crooked smile not leaving his face. Syaoran moves back just as Sakura stands back to his side, her hand automatically rising to rest in the crook of his elbow.

"Good to be back."

Yamazaki turns his attention to her, and his demeanor changes immediately. His expression hardens, his eyes look her up and down, lingering on her arm hooked with Syaoran’s. It doesn’t make her uncomfortable, she long have stopped caring, simply getting used to the fact that everywhere she went people started to evaluate her on the first look. She supposed it went double for Yamazaki as it is his job to obey and protect her.

"Sakura, this is Yamazaki Takashi, the commander of our Crownsguard."

The word ‘our’ catches her attention much more than the title or the name. He doesn’t put any emphases on it, it just flows in the sentence, like he said it without giving it any thought. But it means a lot to her, so instinctively or not, she gripes his forearm tighter.

"Your Imperial Majesty."

The Commander bows respectfully and reaches out for her hand to place a kiss onto her wedding band, the closest thing to a crown insignia she has on. The golden pin on his cloak catches the light and Sakura can make out a silhouette of the Li sigil.

"Commander Yamazaki, it's good to have you here."

The man nods slightly, his smile coming back onto his face.

"Did you arranged what I wrote about?"

Syaoran asks.

"Oh yes."

Yamazaki waves at someone behind him.

A woman emerges from the crowd of emerald cloaks. By now Sakura is used to seeing warrior women, but this one is not tall, nor bulky. Everything about her screams stealth and awareness, especially the long daggers pinned to her waist. She is young, maybe a few years older than Sakura. Her brown hair is braided onto her ears and pulled back. She stops before them, only a bit behind Commander Yamazaki.

"This is Lieutenant Mihara Chiharu, she will be in charge of the Empress’ Guard."

The woman bows deeply with an eager ‘Your Majesty’ leaving her lips.

Sakura curtseys shallowly, stretching out her hand just like she did with the Commander. One thing she has learnt about warrior women is that they hated being treated differently, like fragile ladies, especially with swords strapped to their belts.

Lieutenant Mihara actually smiles, it’s barely there and vanishes quickly, but Sakura can see it as the woman approaches her to place a kiss on her wedding band, just as her commander before her.

"Lieutenant, I look forward to working with you."

The soldier smiles and immediately folds into a bow, resting her hand on the silver pin holding her emerald cape together.

"It's an honor, Your Majesty."

The Lieutenant says while straightening back up into her former stance. At the same time Syaoran addresses her.

"Lieutenant, please show my wife around the camp and to our tent."

Sakura turns her attention back to him and he glances at her briefly before averting his gaze to Yamazaki and Mihara. It’s not that she expected him to stay by her side, it’s simply that she got used to him being there at all times, even if it had only been a few days.

"Of course."

Syaoran nods his head and starts to address the Commander.

"Yamazaki, call the war council and bring me the Clow’s Generals. We have a lot to discuss before the feast tonight."

Yamazaki nods his head and turns around to motion to the rest of the emerald cloaks and gives out specific orders from only these two sentences.

Syaoran’s commanding tone is back and Sakura instinctively starts to loosen the grip she has on his forearm, knowing full well she needs to match his image here if she wants to be treated like an Empress. But before Sakura can drop her arm completely, her husband turns back to her.

"I will see you in the evening."

He says quietly so only she can hear him. She smiles, so the crinkle of his eyes doesn’t go unanswered and closes her eyes when he leans down to place a kiss onto her forehead. It’s a quick press of lips before he steps back and turns around to catch up with Yamazaki, Yun Lee close behind him.

Sakura then faces Lieutenant Mihara who stands on her right, instructing two other emerald cloaks that are probably assigned to her guard, but she turns to her a second later, sensing the motion. It’s the first time Sakura notices how young the Lieutenant must be. No more than twenty and, like her husband, already two of those years were spent in war camps. So young yet a sharpened soldier already, if the look in her eyes is anything to go by.

"Lieutenant, this is Kerberos, my familiar."

Mihara looks at the lion who, at the sound of his name, comes to Sakura’s side, fitting under her gloved hand effortlessly and nods his head in a greeting. The soldier does the same, no fear in her brown eyes. Probably too used to seeing Yun Lee and Spinel to even bat an eye at another big animal in the camp.

"Shall we go to the tent, Your Grace, or do you wish for a brief tour first?"

Her legs hurt, and even if her moonblood is barely there now, she could go for a nap before the feast. And if it was home she just might have, but she is no longer a Princess with little to none responsibility to her name. She is an Empress now, meant to warm up her husband cold image, to rise morale not only with the numbers she has brought with herself but also with her presence alone. So she straightens her back and says:

"A tour, but don’t make it brief."

The Lieutenant smiles once again.

"As you wish."

"Your Majesty!"

Sakura knows that voice, Qiang, Syaoran’s squire, a quiet boy who is barely grown enough to not look ridiculous with a short sword strapped to his hip and that can barely look Sakura in the eye. As she turns around, she can see the same boy holding a contraption of leather she knows all too well. The Clow. She has stashed it in her saddle bags for the time of the journey so she has completely forgotten to take it out as soon as she was in the camp. She is surprised Qiang of all people remembered. But she takes the book from him when he offers, still too shy to look at her for too long.

"Thank you Qiang, you are irreplaceable."

The boy answers her only with a deep bow and even deeper blush before rushing back in the direction of the horses. Sakura sighs, but a smile makes its way onto her lips.

"Is that… The Clow?"

Lieutenant Mihara asks quietly, catching Sakura’s attention.

"It is, or at least without all the straps."

It’s a convenient way of storing the cards, trapped between pieces of leather so she can keep it at her hip even when she is fighting, because when the wand is released the confinements mean nothing to the summoned cards.

Sakura does a quick work of the belt and in a few seconds it’s attached perfectly to her waist, not looking as out of place on her more elevated riding dress as she had thought. Then she looks at Mihara.

"Shall we?"

 

 

The war council can be heard for a row down. It is held in a massive, white tent, adorned with two Empire flags at it’s entrance and one at the top, flopping slightly in the mountain wind. The golden thread catches the afternoon light, almost glistening among the blue skies.

Xiao Lang tries to ignore what clearly is a quarrel coming from his destination. He can sense Hiiragizawa and Yamazaki tensing at his sides though. Yun Lee is at his right, her fur brushing his waist with every movement. They are about to go into the den of snakes once again, not knowing which ones have started to polish their fangs, waiting to strike, and which ones were truly loyal to his name.

**You are not alone.**

The Emperor straightens his shoulders, his breath steady, his mind clear, readying himself for the long hours ahead. Qiang comes to his side breathless and passes him the bronze crown, unwrapped from a velvet strap of material that probably hasn’t been replaced since the war started. It surely comes close to being sacrilegious but they are at war, and Xiao Lang is far from caring how it’s stored as long as they know where to find it when it’s needed. He takes the crown and places is on his head, the weight of it familiar upon resting. Then he adjusts his fur-lined cloak as Qiang combs his sweat-covered hair with his fingers. A moment later the guards open the flops of the tent, their heads lowered, bodies bend in a deep bow.  

Into the den they go.

The chatter dies down as soon as the daylight flows into the candle lit tent. The Generals, The Officers and Lords alike move aside to make room for the closest retinue to pass, bowing one by one as their ruler passes them by.

Xiao Lang doesn’t stop until he reaches the furthest part of the tent, where another emerald flag hangs from the top, it’s colour almost black in the dim lighting. There is a row of chairs surrounding a large wooden table, each one with a different crest draped over them. A large [map](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1W1yKDTD90LyIysISa3Pb9VxNSFea5EXC/view?usp=sharing) is covering the totality of the table, made out of leather, covered in wood carved figurines placed on it, marked with various lines, drafting their tactics. There is a stack of papers laying next to every chair.

The Emperor sits down in his chair, directly in front of his family crest, the furniture carved with wolves, fangs and crowns. Yun Lee settles herself on the ground to his left, for now only sitting, but he is sure she will lay down as soon as the debates will start. Eriol sits down next to him, his own chair adorned with the same symbol that creates the pin of The Hand that adorns his cloak. Yamazaki stands only a pace behind his Emperor, Qiang on the other hand settles himself almost at the tent’s wall.

The Lords stand expectantly at the sides of the table, quietly waiting for a sign.

The only one who sits beside him and his retinue is Prince Hideo of House Hasegawa, rulers of the Yeddo Kingdom.

The Yeddo Kingdom was the first one to join their side, the moment Xiong Lang’s death had been announced to the world. The Empire didn’t ask for help, but they provided it anyways. Years ago, when the late Emperor was a young boy, it was King Kojima that fostered him and helped to raise him into a man. It was a tradition to foster the heir to the imperial crown among the Empire lands, but Xiong Lang wasn’t the heir when he was sent to Yeddo at the age of ten. He became the heir at the age of five and ten, when he lost his elder brother to a winter fever. It shamed his father then that the son that ultimately became his heir haven’t been fostered in the north. And years later Xiao Lang couldn’t have been more lucky because of it.

King Kojima treated the murder of Xiong Lang like it had been his own son, rising banners for Xiao Lang the moment King Robert claimed the assassination to his name, giving him armies, navy and tactical advantage he needed.

Xiong Lang wasn’t the only one fostered in Yeddo. It was there that he met King Fujitaka, where they became brothers in everything but blood. And it is how Xiao Lang now has a wife and ten thousand man to his cause.

His grandfather’s regret was proving to be his greatest advantage.

Xiao Lang sweeps the room with his copper gaze, quickly counting the chairs, noticing how they added three of them for their new allies, just as many as the number of Generals that have joined their forces at this front. Good.

"Shall we?"

He gruffs and immediately all of the most important Lords and highest ranked Generals sit at the table, all on their assigned seats, while the rest, such as their adjutants or less important but still important enough to be here, surround them.

"What’s the status on the border situation?"

Xiao Lang’s eyes land on General Kuang, who is responsible for managing their mages. The man has served the Empire before the crown graced even his father’s head and it shows in the long lines of his face. General Kuang may be old, but at least he doesn’t beat around the bush.

"It still hasn't been resolved, Your Grace."

It’s a disappointment and he is sure it shows on his face, but at least he has prepared himself for that.

"We know there is something there but still we are unable to locate it’s source."

Xiao Lang leans back in his chair, resting his chin in his hand as his gaze jumps from Kuang to the man he knows to be General Tsukinawa. If his black hair and blue-red attire is anything to go by. He is an older man, probably around Fujitaka’s age, but every story Xiao Lang has heard painted him as the most powerful mage in the country, known for training the best of the best. And he was responsible for that. Just as he was responsible for his wife’s training.

"General Tsukinawa, I leave this matter in your hands now. My wife trusts your mages’ skill. Let us test that."

Their gazes meet and the young Emperor can see confidence and resolve in those black eyes.

"I will get my men on it right away."

The man says, bowing his head slightly, his hair flowing over his shoulders with the movement. Xiao Lang just hopes that the General is as good as they paint him to be, if not the consequences of this situation could be massive. If they aren’t happening already.

Hopefully they manage to figure it out before it’s too late.

But there are so many other things to worry about.

"Now, any word on the reinforcements?"

Lord Menderly, the Warden of Velenia reaches into his papers and passes a crumpled scroll down.

"We received this a day ago."

The piece of paper is exchanged until it reaches Eriol who hands it to him. The first thing Xiao Lang notices is the red seal of House Kinomoto on the paper. It’s a short message, informing them of the departure of the forces, which means they have assembled quicker than previously anticipated, the numbers reaching as much as ten thousand man, which is also a positive surprise. What is not positive but is definitely a surprise, is the information that the Crown Prince and his brother in-law has decided to lead the armies alongside his uncle.

Splendid.

As if he needed any more tension around here.

It’s better that nobody in this room knows of the lack of friendship between them so he only nods his head and passes the scroll to Eriol, who then reads it out for every Lord to know so they can all adjust their plans accordingly. The discussion is brief, only matter of fact statements and plans to accommodate the newest addition to their forces.

"And what of our fleets?"

"According to a message we got a week ago, they were approaching the furthest point of the Clow Kingdom. They should be around here by now."

The Lord of White Rocks, Lord Croon leans over the map, and places his finger on the entrance to the straits leading into the Tomoeda harbour. He is a young lad, only a year older than Xiao Lang, ambitious, maybe even too ambitious for his liking but he is loyal, at least to the strength he has seen Xiao Lang exhibit. It’s enough to keep him in line.

"That means they are two weeks away from reaching the Dragon Isles."

The infamous Dragon Isles. Located west of the continent and the furthest domain of the Wave Kingdom. In truth they had little to do with actual dragons, they simply had an overflow of lizards upon their discovery and the locals called them  _dragare_ which was enough for the name to stay.

"Is Robert’s fleet still there?"

According to their spies present on land, King Robert’s fleet was anchored in the harbor for the better part of the moon, as if waiting. It makes perfect sense from the logistic standpoint. The fleet was basically useless against their forces coming from the mainland, but it makes a perfect point of escape.

"It was two weeks ago, there is no telling if they are on the move now."

Lord Liu of Tuyuhun speaks up, making the debate pick up.

"Not likely. It's clear that Robert wants to use it to escape."

This time it’s the Lord of Mercia, House Veter, a man who just like Xiao Lang took over his rule at a very young age. But his words make old Lord Seol scoff.

"Robert is a fool but he is no coward. He is still with his armies, as well as his sons, Garlan and Arthur."

Xiao Lang was always fond of Old Lord Seol, a man who is even his father’s senior. People of the Ice prefecture are headstrong and honest, and their leader is the perfect example of that. Or maybe Xiao Lang is just biased because it is this man that would take him hunting whenever he visited the Fang Keep.

The old man spoke truth. Robert has his pride, and if he were to escape he would have done so long ago. But that doesn’t mean the rest of them couldn’t.

"And the rest of them?"

Xiao Lang asks. Lord Meer, the Warden of Scythia scrabbles about the documents before answering.

"Queen Eliza, young prince Albert and the princesses are still in the capitol."

So that could be a legitimate possibility.

"It would be safe to assume that the fleet is there for their escape."

Lord Croon leans back in his chair, his gaze fixated on the map.

"It's war Croon, it's not safe to assume anything."

Lord Menderly sends him a pointed look and Xiao Lang needs to hide a smirk behind his interlaced hands.

"Let's keep observing the situation, we will have an even better understanding of what is happening when our fleet reaches their shores."

Eriol speaks and the scribbling of his feather stops for a moment. The whole Lordship mutters something in agreement, already estimating when they should be expecting the news and where to best place their ships. It’s a tough choice between placing the blockade on a harbour or going after the fleet, and in the end they decide to wait it out, halting the decision until they have more information.

"As for Robert, the last reports I’ve got were speaking of his armies being here, has anything changed?"

Xiao Lang leans over the table, gesturing to the central part of the map, where the siren figurine still stands as a representation of House Strom, Robert’s House.

"No. They are still about a week or two march from here."

General Jiang speaks from his place next to Prince Hideo. One of his father’s most trusted man, nearly the only one Xiao Lang didn’t actively replaced of burned on the pyre.

"Their morale is as low as it gets though. Some of the lords have returned home if our spies are to be believed."

That gets Xiao Lang’s attention. He sits back down, his full attention to the left of the table.

"Any major Houses?"

"Lavey, and all of their minor Houses."

Hideo says, matter of factly, but the Emperor can see a smirk dancing on his lips.

Xiao Lang rises a brow. House Lavey controls a better fraction of the northern part of Wave. Roughly three thousand men. Not to mention that Henry of House Lavey is a close friend of Robert.

"They must know about our armies on the border of Yin."

It’s the only logical conclusion he can think of. They know about the other front, about Feimei. Not that he didn’t expect them to find out, it’s a miracle in itself that they only know now. Maybe their spy network doesn’t reach as far as he thought it did. Or maybe Robert had been keeping that from Lavey thus far.

Lord Uni, the Warden of Funan huffs.

"Even if they do, it’s still impossible for them to stop us. It’s roughly eight thousand against three on that front."

Lord Croon nods in agreement, his arms folded and his bright blue gaze on his peer.

"That’s the point. They don’t stand a chance and they know it. It’s nearly thirty thousand against their twelve. They are getting desperate, reckless."

_That’s the kind of thinking that will get us all killed._

"Do I need to remind you that a desperate enemy is the worst enemy?"

Xiao Lang doesn’t rise his voice. But his tone is icy, angry and so definite that even Eriol stops scribbling. The whole Lordship and the Prince look at him at the same time.

The Thunder Wolf leans into the table, his hands still interlaced as his gaze sweeps the whole room.

"Here and now they have only one option and that is to kill me and my wife."

Get rid of everyone from the Li bloodline, or anyone who may be carrying it as well. That is what he would have done, if he were in Robert’s shoes. Kill them off before they even have a chance to attack. And that makes him even more alert about their problems.

"The border is our priority right now. Keep an eye out for spies, be extra careful with who you keep in close proximity."

His gaze is stern when he says these words, making sure each one was clear as day to anyone in the room. From the corner of his eyes he can see the Prince glancing between the Lords and him, his posture relaxed.

There is a silence that follows, but it’s only brief before all the gathered suddenly erupt in a wave of nodding along and agreements. Xiao Lang leans back in his chair, looking at the papers once more.

"Now if that’s settled, tell me about the situation on the other front."

 

Sakura didn't think that her presence alone can bring such a rakus into the camp.

Everywhere she went the soldiers either stared or stammered her title as she passed by. Sakura answered mostly with a nod of her head and a slight smile. Her muscles still ached and she was in no mood to play her part, but that didn't matter in that moment. She needed to be a symbol, a softening the tyrannical image her husband acquired, a regal yet kind Empress at his seemingly cold side, without a bruise or spite to convince people otherwise.

Lieutenant Mihara had two emerald cloaks under her command, who as she learned were named Lyon and Mamura both coming from the conquered parts of the empire, from families trying to gain favor in the Imperial court. Lyon grew up in the long conquered Ice prefecture, on the border with the Yin kingdom, while Mamura came from the northern coast, once, approximately 300 years ago the Nagaoka Kingdom, now the infamous Coast. Both were quite young, not nearing their thirties. Just as the Commander. Which was unusual to say the least, normally more experienced people were chosen.

She is curious, so she asks, suddenly realizing she is surrounded by people that have no reason not to answer.

"Oh. The previous Lord Commander, Commander Xen died one year ago in a battle."

Mamura answers in a solemn tone, her dark eyes look at Sakura as she speaks.

"Yamazaki saved the Emperor’s life in one of the firsts battles. He has been in his personal guard ever since. I presume His Grace saw something in Yamazaki which made him worth the position."

Lieutenant Mihara continues and Sakura notices the lack of title to Yamazaki’s name indicating that they knew each other well enough not to care. The magician nods her head.

She wants to express that question but at the same time they arrive to the officers’ camp and she needs to focus at the task at hand. She greets the officers with a nod of her head as they all bow deeply one after another.

"How is morale?"

She asks, mostly because she has no clue what else she could inquire about. They surely don't know much about the shipments.

"Much better since the word of the reinforcements arrived, Your Majesty."

One of the officers says and Sakura answers with a smile.

"I am glad my marriage was of help."

The soldiers try not to crack a smile but it's of no use as she can still see a few of them try to hide it with a cough.

Next they visit the medical camp, containing a few big joined tents that together create a rather seamless structure. There hasn’t been a battle in months so the only people there are those still recovering or those coming down with something. Even in their sickbeds the soldiers try to straighten up as the retinue enters, but Sakura tries to calm them with a gentle nod of her head.

"Your Majesty, are you feeling better?"

A familiar voice breaks through the murmur of the room and Sakura turns to its source. There is a doctor standing next to one of the beds, treating a patient whose bandages were clearly in need of changing. Sakura doesn’t recognize him at first, but as she approaches she realizes that this is the same doctor that has treated her on the road a few days ago.

"Much better now, doctor…"

"It’s Tanaka."

"Doctor Tanaka. I haven’t got the opportunity to thank you properly."

Tanaka looks up at her before finishing wrapping a fresh pair of bandages onto a still healing wound of the soldier’s leg. The cut is coated in a fresh batch of ointment that to others may smell like plantago**** but to her it only reeks of magic. The wound should be healed in no time.

The doctor smiles.

"I was just doing my job, Your Majesty. But do send for me if you are feeling unwell again."

Sakura smiles back.

"Of course."

One of the inner flaps of the tent flutters, catching the attention of both Sakura and doctor Tanaka. Another man comes into the room. He is older than Tanaka by at least a decade or so, his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, a piece of material hanging loosely from his neck and he reeks of magic and herbs so strongly that in an instant Sakura knows what the material is for.

He notices them in the room and stills momentarily.

"Ah, Your Majesty, this is doctor Muren, he is in charge here."

Tanaka says and the man, doctor Muren, straightens up, bows quickly and says:

"Your Majesty, I was just about to come and see you."

He comes closer and the feeling she couldn’t put her finger on a second before now is clear as day: eccentric is the right word. Sakura smiles and stretches out her hand when he reaches for it. The kiss he places on her wedding band is quick and he immediately stands back up.

"It’s a pleasure to meet you, doctor Muren."

"Ah yes, the pleasure is mine."

He says, spacing out a little around the room. A second passes and Sakura can’t help but ask.

"What did you need me for, doctor?"

"Yes! Yes!"

He says rather loudly, like he has just remembered he was actually looking for her.

"I am doing a blend of herbs for you, your Grace, mostly fertility. Tanaka has mentioned your intense cycles, maybe something for headaches? Any gastric problems?"

The words are spluttered in a constant flow that catches Sakura off guard. The medic starts to walk around the room, looking around the secluded part of the tent, which flap has been secured with a few ropes, tables were overflowing with herbs, hanging from the ceiling and onto the walls.

Sakura quickly looks at Tanaka, hoping the doctor may explain anything, but he only rolls his eyes and shakes his head. So Sakura only says:

"Those three will suffice, maybe something additional for sleep."

She hopes he hears her alright in there.

Something falls to the floor and Sakura can see Lieutenant Mihara shaking her head slowly.

"Sleep, ah yes, sleep, sleep."

He murmurs nearly inaudibly. Something else falls before he emerges.

"Are you allergic to anything?"

He asks quickly, his foot pacing.

"Only opium."

She answers and the doctor disappears once again immediately, only nodding his head.

A few minutes pass before he emerges again, this time with a handful of small pouches that are only faintly smelling like magic but mostly like herbs and flowers Sakura can’t put her finger on.

"These are mostly fertility blends, but I have marked them for your handmaidens. I think Rika was sent, wasn’t she? - He asks, directing the question to Mihara, but continues before she can get a word in. - Yes I think she was, she will know what to do with them."

And with that he leaves the tent, disappearing between the flaps, leaving Sakura with way too many pouches than she can carry.

 

 

  
"Who is Rika?"

Sakura asks as they head out of the tents, Mamura and Lyon stashing the bags at their belts with various herbal mixes. Mihara looks back at her.

"One of your new handmaidens, ma’am. From what I gathered she used to help the doctors a lot and at the same time helped the handmaidens to the Empress Mother. I think Her Grace recommended her."

Sakura nods her head, thanking the Lieutenant for her answer. If Rika was Yelan’s handmaiden then she is certainly enough for her. It took one look at her mother in-law to know that her handmaidens must work with utter most precision.

The retinue continues the tour of the camp. Sakura continues to at least try to remember the layout but she thinks that not even her magic will be enough without a map. And Mihara continues to stare at her.

The Lieutenant slows down only when the stench of smoking coal becomes sensible and one can clearly hear the rhythmic clacks of metal against metal. The forges must be near.

"Yamazaki mentioned that you wish to learn sword fighting ma’am."

Mihara says when they stop in front of the forge, she looks at Sakura questioningly with a slight tilt to her head.

"I do."

"Very well."

They approach the forge master who at the very sight of emerald cloaks has come out the front of his provisional forge. He is an elder man, with silver hair, completely covered in coal and hands calloused from years of work. Sakura can see at least three other men in the back.

"Master Fei, this is Her Majesty, the Empress Consort."

The men behind him nearly drop their tools to the ground but manage to compose themselves enough to stumble into something resembling a bow. Master Fei on the other hand simply bows with a tired ‘My Empress’ escaping his lips. Sakura smiles politely and nods her head, looking out the shop and Mihara says:

"We need a blade for Her Majesty."

"Of course. Do you prefer a short sword, daggers or a rapier, Your Majesty?"

Sakura is actually impressed that the title manages to turn her attention from inspecting the forges burning a few meters from her, as she still doesn’t react to it half the time. She turns towards the Forgemaster, and it takes her a few seconds to actually process everything.

"Actually, there is a card within the Clow called the Sword." The Lieutenant looks at Sakura, with a glint of interest in her eyes. "It summons a sword, and grants it’s master the skill necessary to wield it."

The forgemaster nods as if it’s a common occurrence and not the work of long lost magical treasure that before her was slowly gaining the status of a myth.

"So it would be most logical to make a blade of similar weight and size."

Lieutenant nods her head and master Fei agrees.

"Could Her Majesty perhaps show me the sword? So I know what I am working with?"

"Of course."

She reaches behind the collar of her dress. It’s difficult with her gloves still on but she manages to take out her key.

The rose gold raven head catches the light, the ruby of it’s eyes gleams within the forge. She clutches the key for a moment, gathering her energy, focusing just the appropriate amount of her warmth onto the key. It’s an instinct at this point, but even now it’s exhilarating. Everytime she uses her magic it feels like electricity streaming through her veins.

Sakura opens up her fist, allowing the key to freely flow out of her palm, the chain clicking as it rises.

__"The key that holds the power of the Dark."_ _

 She knows the circle appears on the ground beneath her. The glowing mosaic of magical symbols looking nearly like fire, catching the attention of everybody around them. For it was the sign that was a myth, forgotten with the death of Clow’s first master. A legend of her country, told in stories to children and in plays for their parents, something to romanticize and spin into a tale, not something to see, until her.

__"Show your true form before me."_ _

 There is always wind. Everytime she taps into Clow’s energy, it’s like the gods themselves respond to it through nature. Like she is disturbing something when she is awaking that magic.  

__"I, Sakura, command you under our contract."_ _

 The heavy flaps of the tents surrounding the forge start struggling against the nails pinning them to the ground.

__"Release!"_ _

 With that word she opens her eyes just in time to see the key transform, elongate and stretch from a small pedant into a long sleek staff. It flows into it’s mistresses outstretched hand. Sakura grips the weapon lightly, spinning it in her hands to feel the familiar weight of it.

It takes her a fraction of a second to locate the card she is looking for amongst the 20 others in the Clow, and another one to pull on its energy structure.

 _"Sword_."

When she was younger, she used to shout out the incantation, but over the years she has learned that simply saying the sentence with as much intent as she can muster works just as well.

The white light in the square shape of a card flies from the Clow, still securely strapped to her hip. With a quick flick of her staff, it's gold beak touches its surface.

It takes a moment, but when the light of the incantation circle dies down, what Sakura holds in her hand is a short sleek sword. She can feel all the eyes on her, including the soldiers passing by the tent, but she tries, and she imagines, fails, to keep herself from blushing. She lays the blade flat in both hands to pass it to the forge master. The man isn’t old but he sure did see a lot in his age, given that he doesn’t even blink an eye at any part of what just happened, simply taking the sword from her with a slight bow.

Mihara keeps staring at her, though the shocked expression has now turned into curiosity. Sakura tries to ignore it and focuses solely on master Fei who studies the sword, rotating it in his hands, which makes the blade seem even shorter than it is.

"So a rapier."

He murmurs.

"I am going to take the measurements and give it back in a moment."

  


After a few hours of debate the Lords and Generals alike have all departed the tent, gathering the documents that didn’t need Eriol’s attention and leaving. Suddenly one of the noisiest places in the whole camp has become rather peaceful. So peaceful even that Xiao Lang could hear the knot on the candle burning out.

"Any word of from your father, Hideo?"

The Prince of Yeddo looks up from the table, where his personal documents still laid. His steel blue eyes are piercing, especially in this dim lightning. Hideo is older than Xiao Lang by at least fifteen years, which shows clearly in the fine lines of his eyes and silver strands weaved into his hair.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. But I did receive a raven from my wife."

Xiao Lang was only seven when he attended the wedding of Prince Hideo and Lady Zheng of Tuyuhun Prefecture, but he remembers the event much more fondly than any of his sisters’ weddings.

He also remembers that Hideo received a letter informing him of his wife's pregnancy a few months prior.

"From the look on your face I think congratulations are in order."

The smile that was present on the Prince’s face has now stretched into a pearly grin.

"Yes. Another son. The last one if the doctors are to be believed."

"Congratulations. How many does that make? Five?"

He barely remembers the children that have wished his father farewell when the armies resumed their march. He remembers only the mops of dark hair, tears and the feeling tugging at his heart. The very same one that he felt when his own family had been separated. When his nieces and nephews bid him goodbye. When his older sisters left their husbands to the war and pulled back his hair as if he had been five again.

He thought about his brothers’ in-law. Two of them are on the other front. One was dead already, his bones lying in the crypts of his family home deep in the frosts of the North. One, Renshu their spymaster and husband to Shiefa is somewhere within the continent, watching, observing and reporting.

"Six, actually. It is difficult to imagine though. Growing up it had only been me and my sister. And now I have filled out that courtyard full of children. Never thought I would have that."

There was a wishful look on his face. The kind of longing Xiao Lang is sure he has never experienced before. He doesn't know how it feels to be apart from someone who he has raised, who he has watched grow. But it doesn't make the feeling of guilt more bearable.

"You will be with them soon."

It's unlike Xiao Lang to make promises he knows he can't quite keep and Hideo knows him enough to chuckle at that.

"I would say not to call out the wolf from the forest*****(fuuuck that’s a lot of these) but you are the wrong person for that anecdote."

This time it's Xiao Lang’s turn to laugh. He haven't heard that one in a long time.

"How is your wife?"

And there it is. He wondered how long it will be before the whole conversation shifts to Sakura.

"Well, I think. Things are still…"

"Awkward?... Don’t worry, it will get better."

Hideo supplies, smirking at Xiao Lang’s awkwardness.

"I think you will be fed up with how much you probably hear this but it’s important, Xiao Lang. Marriage is far more complicated than war, believe me I know. But for people like us, people in power, a happy household, a strong and trustworthy wife, it’s far more important than people think. And like anything important it needs to be natured."

Briefly he recalls his promise to Fujitaka. He thinks of how she always clings to him during the cold nights. Of how her eyes shine whenever he presses a kiss to her forehead. It's easy to feel for her. It's easy to try and built something when his every trail is met with an eager response.

But the little hope for her he dares to feel is nothing compared to the dread of what he knows is to come.

It's easy for Hideo to say. All the obstacles he had to endure was agreeing, getting to know one another. He and Sakura have to do all of that and face his demons simultaneously, while fighting a bloody war.

But he doesn't want Hideo to know that so he only smirks.

"You are right, I have heard that plenty."

The Prince rolls his eyes.

"Brat."

Xiao Lang barks out a laugh that is met with a shit eating grin.

"Here, a novel advice: Apologize."

The smile is still present on Xiao Lang’s face when his eyebrows knit in confusion.

"What for?"

He asks but Hideo’s smile doesn’t waver, he only nods his head and continuous.

"Exactly. If you don’t know you did something, but you know she thinks so, just apologize. I have started doing that after the first year, saved me a lot of time and a whole lot of nerves."

Xiao Lang smiles. He truly can't imagine Sakura creating problems over nothing, but on the other hand he barely knows his wife. He figures it is all ahead of him.

The Prince rises from his seat, his documents already gathered by his squire.

"I still need to speak with my men."

He puts a hand on Xiao Lang’s shoulder and looks him in the eyes before saying:

"I will see you in the evening."

And with that, he leaves. Sometimes Xiao Lang wonders if this man can read him like an open book.

The space becomes vacant once again, only Eriol still going through the documents, currently arranging them into his usual two piles: ‘Needs Xiao Lang’s attention’ and ‘Sort out by yourself’. Takashi is standing behind the table, unusually silent for him.  

"Yamazaki, how many guards did you assign to Sakura?"

The question clearly catches the Commander of guard as he takes the second to answer. He comes forward when he does, taking a seat in Hideo’s chair, the crest of House Hasegawa still draped over it’s back.

"Three including Mihara."

"Double that."

The Commander’s brows knit together, his gaze suddenly turning serious.

"I would need to take away from your guard."

And Xiao Lang meets that gaze with one of his own, leaning into the table to be at eye level.

"I don’t care. Without a wife I won’t have an heir, and without an heir we won’t have an Empire."

"She isn’t even pregnant yet."

Xiao Lang meets his gaze and involuntary or not Yamazaki jerks back a bit. Takashi is his friend, his trusted advisor but he is also his subordinate and at times he needs help to remember it. But it also reminds Xiao Lang that to him Sakura is already his wife and Empress but the rest of his people still needed to be shown that. 

"That wasn’t a request, Takashi."

The Commander sighs, leaning back in the chair but nodding his head nonetheless.

"I will see it done."

The young Emperor tries to keep his eyes on the map, while simultaneously trying not to think about the situation on the border. It still feels off, this hunch staying in the pit of his stomach whenever he dares to think about it. It needs to be resolved and fast.

But then his Commander asks a question, making a tired smile appear on his face.

"Speaking of which, are you aware of the origins of the term guard?"

Eriol does his best to suppress a giggle.

 

They stop in front of one of the biggest tents in the whole camp. The Li crest is flowing on top of it, and an additional two are placed in the ground, flanking the entrance next to two emerald cloaks standing there. They bow as soon as they spot her, only straightening up to move the clasps of the tent for them. Mihara goes in first, Mamura and Lyon a pace behind Sakura.

The ground is covered with wood planks, in some places even covered in furs and for such a big space it’s almost cramped. There is a desk in the middle of the room, already covered in papers. A table that she assumed is for meals is instead used to house a map of this part of the continent, no doubt something to do with the lack of space on the desk. There is a king sized bed in one corner of the room, with furs folded atop of the mattress, probably brought for her. Her husband after all didn’t need that many of them. On the other side of the room, beside the screen hiding a bathtub and a bassinet, is a stand for armor surrounded by half opened trunks, which she by the crests could tell belonged to her, and some to her husband.

Kerberos nudges past the whole retinue and quickly claims the bed, before Sakura has half the mind to tell him off. In that process he startles a woman, who nearly drops little box of jewelry she was arranging on what looks like another desk, hurriedly fashioned into a dressing table. The scared look doesn’t last long as she realizes who the big lion belongs to. Immediately she drops into a curtsey.

"Your Imperial Majesty."

She is young, maybe Sakura’s age, or maybe just a bit younger. Her dark hair is cut short and tied with a simple ribbon as to keep the longer hair out of the way. She is dressed in a woolen dress that is supposed to keep her warm despite her lack of a cloak.

"My name is Rika, Your Grace. I was a handmaiden to her Majesty the Empress Mother, she has recommended me to keep in your service."

She says as she straightens up and folds her hands in front of her apron. Sakura smiles.

"It’s a pleasure to meet you Rika. I am sorry for Kerberos, at times he has no regard for his size, but he is mostly harmless."

That earns her a growl from her familiar. Rika only smiles.

"He simply startled me, that is all. I was just in the process of unpacking your belongings, Your Grace."

Rika explains calmly, gesturing to the many still unopened chests. Sakura notices that most of the opened ones are those containing her clothing or family jewels. Her books and trinkets were still closed.

"Thank you, please leave the books to me though. Quite a few of them are grimoires."

Sakura explains in a warm, calm tone. Some of those grimoires could be even dangerous to touch for a non magical person.

"Of course."

Sakura notices that the chest containing her birthday present from Tomoyo is still sealed, sitting idly on top of another one containing her books. She then proceeds to take one of the trunks out, only to check if the grimoires are still there and intact. The heavy volumes are sitting securely in the trunk, each one separated with a layer of velvet and put down with sturdy leather straps. Sakura can feel them as soon as she opens up the chest, the metal lock glistens and gives out as she touches it, the Clow’s runic circle glowing in the edging atop the trunk. Thankfully none of them are missing.

Of course Sakura, being Clow’s descendant and heir apparent, focused her magic mainly around the cards as it was something she has known since she was ten and by now she has mastered the usage and in’s and out’s of their magic. Yet as the time passed she realized she had talent she needed to cultivate. Or rather General Tsukinawa did. And so at eleven she began her studies of magic beyond Clow. She still mostly stuck to the cards when it came to her own practice given the utility of them, but she could also manipulate elements to a certain degree without the cards or her staff for that matter. But the knowledge, the understanding of the very essence of magic is what blossomed and made her a mage in par with those at the Tomoeda court.

"Would you like a bath, your Grace?"

Rika asks and Sakura turns to her sharply, pulled out of studying the grimoire she has been reading before the journey. This one in particular was written by an amazing mage hundreds of year ago but is still considered the most enlightening lecture on the element of electricity. Then again, Nosnido Roht to this day is famous for his absolute mastery of the element as well as his golden hair, that historians, for some reason couldn’t emphasis on enough. She has been studying the grimoire ever since her betrothal was announced. She is the bride of the Thunder Wolf, it seemed only natural for her to master the element her husband is such an expert in.

She smiles at the girl, who stands in the middle of the room, folding Sakura’s shifts back into the trunk. Clearly she wanted to arrange everything so she knows where anything is was Sakura to need anything.

"Ah, yes, thank you, with some soothing herbs if you can."

Rika nods, puts the final shift back in the trunk, curtseys and leaves, dragging Mamura with her to help with carrying the water. Mihara is standing near the exit with Lyon still, the two chatting up scarcely with each other but Sakura can barely make out the topic despite being the only other person in the room.

She is still too stiff around her guard and frankly too exhausted to even try to hold up a decent conversation or ignore the fact that Mihara seems to made her goal to assess Sakura’s every step. Instead, she leaves her grimoires alone and chooses to study Syaoran’s armour, that has caught her attention the moment she entered the space.

It’s not a traditional armour by any means, but it’s spectacular nonetheless. The undergarment is leather, dyed light green, lined with deep emerald and finished with chainmail on both sides of lower ribs as well as the waist, instead of the traditional plates. But Syaoran is clearly a speed and magic based fighter so any heavy armor would get in his way rather than help. There is a chest plate, fang shaped spaulders as well as some plating on the forearms, all heavily engraved, but Sakura can see the slight signs of mending to them. The metal is dark, nearly black in this light and it’s giving out a slight aura of magic, an enchantment no doubt, a powerful one at that.

Sakura stretches her hands on the metal plate, tracing the signs of wear and tear, the slight sign of breaking that goes above where his heart would be.

It feels strange to trace the mended tear and associate it with the fact that someday someone almost killed her husband. Then again, she is sure that it wasn’t the first time, not even this year.

So she starts to examine the enchantment. It doesn’t give out a strong aura, barely enough for her to feel it being close, but when she rests her hand on the metal and reaches out, that’s when she truly feels the power of it. The magic is weaved into the metal, forged with it, as if it’s another layer of steel not a spell put on it. She wonders idly if such things are even possible, if so, it’s creator had to be not only a magi but an expert armourer as well. That is way beyond her area of expertise. The enchantment itself though is another matter. Magic like this is all about the intent put on it, almost a prayer to the forces you call forward. These whispers of strength, of speed, of protection but also of the moon, one of the most basic sources of any magic there is. Like she pulls her power from the stars, Syaoran must pull from the moon.

Briefly she thinks of adding an enchantment of her own, but takes out her hand before she can do so. She worries the difference in the nature of both enchantments might make them conceal one another. The stars and the moon weren’t so different in their natures but still were known to clash quite often, even if both enchantments were twin in their intent.  

"Your Majesty, the bath is ready."

Sakura’s head snaps and she realizes that she has been standing here long enough for Rika to not only bring the water but also heat up the stones to warm it up, even if to her it has been but a moment of concentration.

She steps back from the armour, yet her eyes still linger on the metal.

"Are you feeling alright, ma’am?"

Mihara is by her side, seemingly in seconds but she could very well have been standing here for a long while. Her brows are creased and her brown eyes are examining Sakura’s face, but now with more concern than assessment. It only shows Sakura that if the push comes to shove Mihara will protect her. Well, that's the best she can hope for when she is a foreign princess becoming the wife of a sovereign out of the blue.

Sakura manages a weak smile and shakes her head.

"I am hale, Lieutenant. I was simply analyzing the enchantment. One can get quite lost in those."

Mihara looks at the armor and back at her, her face relaxes and she straightens going back to her full height, then she nods.

"Do you need help with your dress, Your Grace?"

Rika speaks to her left and Sakura nods at the girl, both doing quick work of her garments. Meanwhile Mihara ushers both Lyon and Mamura out of the tent, deeming it too crowded to be comfortable, not to mention Sakura is not comfortable with bathing while Lyon is in the room.

After a few minutes Sakura is sunk deep in a herb induced water that smells strongly of lavandula. Rika brushes through her hair, careful not to get it wet, knowing full well it would not dry in time for the feast.

"Where are you from, Rika?"

The brush stops in the middle of her hair. Clearly the maid has expected to work in utter and complete silence. Given how distinguished Yelan is even around her family Sakura wouldn't be surprised if she paid little mind to her handmaidens. But Sakura was raised with Hinami’s warmth and she craves some sort of a bond with her young handmaiden.

"The capital, my Lady. My father was a guard to the Crown and my mother was a maid like me. I have been in the service to House Li my whole life, although I have managed more with the medics than the maids. As for my name, both my parents come from the Coast."

They speak some more of Rika. Sakura even manages to get a small laugh out of the girl. They mostly jest about Rika being sent into her service strictly for her medical knowledge and the fact that she will be quick to tell if Sakura is with a child.

Mihara spends the duration of the conversation sitting in a chair near the bed, but still at a  distance that allows her to react swiftly to everything going on.

Soon Sakura slips into a silken robe, her body still cooling off from the bath. Whichever blend of herbs has been added to the water, the muscles of her thighs and back to which aching she has gotten so used to these past days lessened significantly.

"Lao Mei is so much better with hair, Your Grace. She can do real magic with the braids."

Rika says as she weaves said braids into her hair. Apparently besides Rika, Sakura has two other maids. She listens to the girl talking about them as she gently pulls on her hair.

Lao Mei is also from the Capital and Yelan’s handmaiden. Leanea on the other hand came from the White Rocks, and was given into her service from Lady Croon as a wedding gift.

It's a quick work to gather the purpose with which those three were chosen. Rika has a vast knowledge of herbs, medicine and physiology, clearly put in her retinue to watch over her health. And by extension weather or not she was with a child, no doubt to take necessary precautions if she is.

Lao Mei being her mother's handmaiden was no doubt here to make sure that Sakura looks the part. That everything from her hair, jewelry to her garments looks northern.

Leaena for her part as a gracious gift was no doubt under strict orders to communicate with her Lord. Unlike the other two, Sakura will have to be cautious of her. The White Rocks may be her husband's vassals, but she was not loyal to House Li. Sakura would have to make sure she became so.

Rika finishes braiding Sakura's hair, when she starts to hear it, low rumble of light armor and louder murmurs of a title. It's enough for Sakura to know that her husband is coming.

He barks orders as he goes so Sakura knows that Hiiragizawa and Yamazaki will be close behind him. That's why she rushes Mihara to bring her her cloak so she isn't seen in only a light robe that still clings to her body like a glove. Rika ties her hair quickly, catches the cloak at an impressive speed and they both work on the broach. The material flows securely at her feet just before the entrance to the tent flaps open.

Yun Lee runs into the tent before any of them and immediately goes to Sakura, fitting under her palm like Kerberos usually does. It seems that she came to love her scratches just as much as the lion did.

"He is tired."

The wolf supplies before her husband enters the tent.

"I don't care what they say. I will not change my mind. Tsukinawa has the complete authorisation on the matter. Kuang has had his chance and we have no room for seconds now. Even he understands that."

Yun Lee was right.

Over their shared weeks, Sakura became quick to recognize a few of Syaoran's moods. This one in particular. Because to say he looks tired must have been an understatement at this point. This was a curious mix of deep sunk exhaustion and borderline irritation. It sat in the lines of his face, in the thin line of his lips, the crease in his brows and the bags under his eyes. And they have only been here an afternoon.

He stops before the desk put in the centre of the room and stills when he sees her.

It looks nearly comical when Mihara, Chiharu and Yamazaki bow simultaneously while Eriol only nods his head continuing to scribble orders.

Syaoran sweeps her with his gaze and Sakura smiles at him, hoping that it's any encouragement.

"Anything else?"

Eriol aks, finally looking up from the papers. Syaoran turns to him sharply, the softer gaze he had before vanishes in favour of the tired look once again.

"No, no that will be all. Just make sure everything is done."

Eriol nods his head, finally putting his quill down.

"Then I will go see what Spinel is up to, I will see you at the feast." He says, and then turns to Sakura "Your Grace."

And with that he leaves the tent.

Syaoran turns back to her, and the tent seems to come to life at that very moment. Lieutenant Mihara comes closer to her commander and the two start a conversation which Sakura can’t tell the nature of, since Yamazaki is so hard to read. Rika turns around and starts to look through not only hers but Syaoran’s trunks, pulling out pieces of clothing. Sakura doesn’t bother helping her pick anything, mostly to check if her styling choices will align with hers. Yun Lee for her part gives Sakura’s hand one last nudge before joining Kerberos.

"Did you tour the camp?"

Syaoran aks, bringing her attention back to him. He is closer now, so close she could touch him if she wanted to. And she wants to, but she never does when there are so many people around them. So she only smiles.

"I did. I visited Doctor Tanaka and Muren. Came back with at least four different fertility blends."

Syaoran's brow creases in amusement and he huffs, the corner of his lips lifting up.

"I would count it as either my mother's or Eriol’s doing."

Sakura smiles back.

"I don't have any other suspects."

Syaoran smiles and it reaches his eyes for a moment before dropping all together. The small, brief moment is over and Sakura feels it necessary to ask.

"How did the council meeting go?"

He leans back against the desk that is already covered in various papers and letters for him to review.

"As well as you could expect it to go. At least the spies bring rather good news."

She sends him a questioning look.

"Their army isn't growing in allies. Unlike us. Your brother is coming with your uncle, by the way."

Sakura blinks in surprise. Touya? She wants to be happy, and she is, she missed her brother already. But the camp, the war, the front, it’s a deadly matter, one she would very much like for him to avoid, especially now that Nadia is pregnant.

But Syaoran looks even more upset at the news and she finds it amuses her greatly.

"Don’t be so grim about it. Touya is a good soldier and a better magi. You could use him, husband."

She makes sure to put an emphasis on the word ‘husband’, causing Syaoran’s tired face to twist in a small smile.

"Oh don’t worry, I will behave. I won’t even arrange his tent on the other side of the camp."

Sakura rolls her eyes, her smile pearly, she can barely contain her giggles.

"Oh, how considerate of you."

She can tell that this little exchange, this brief moment of laughter isn’t enough to rise his mood. Something is plunging him, troubling him to the point to which he simply can’t shoulder it alone.

"There is no problem with the supplies, at least none that was brought to my attention, because we all know they only come to me when the situation is grave."

He continues after a moment, opting to stare at the pattern of her cloak rather than look her in the eye.

"And the border situation?"

Sakura asks quietly, knowing full well that it was on his mind the whole journey.

"Kuang didn’t find anything so I have given full authorization to General Tsukinawa. Maybe that will get us somewhere."

So he did listen to her, not only that but he thought of her insight enough to act on it even with so many lives depending on this decision. This time she doesn't hesitate to reach out, placing her hand on his forearm.

He looks at her and Sakura hopes she doesn't have to say thank you for him to understand her. She wants him to know that she appreciates him, appreciates what he is doing; be it little gestures or hidden contexts. That she as he wants this marriage to be something strong, and that she has hope that it begins to take shape.

And thankfully he knows, or at least he acts like he does.

Syaoran leans forward, his arms loosen across his chest and his eyes fall shut as he rests his forehead on her shoulder.

Sakura stiffens at first. Syaoran can be affectionate, but never so openly, especially not with others around. And it's the first time he seeks such comfort in her.

"Is this alright?"

He asks, his face buried in her neck, breath tickling her skin. Sakura relaxes immediately at his question, knowing now that he is just as unsure as she is.  

Sakura stretches her arms to wrap around his shoulders, hands gently touching his neck and going up into his hair in a comforting manner. His hands in turn rise to her waist, only the slightest of touches. Sakura rests her cheek on his shoulder, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. He smells like the wind, like leather and smoke.

Like Syaoran.

Like warmth.

It's in the slight buzz of his aura, barely there most of the time, but now it glistens. It's not really a color, only a feeling. Faint like his energy today, but sparkling like she has never seen it do.

Or maybe it's the first time he has allowed her to see.

And so she opens up her aura, only for him, which isn't hard given that he is all around her, nearly holding all of her frame in his.

He holds her even closer then, sighing contently as soon as her aura opens up. She hopes it's warm and she hopes he can feel it all.

How grateful she is for who he is.

That he isn't the monster people have painted him to be.

At least not to her.

 

 

_She is warm._

Like the first spring breeze after a long winter.

This warmth is in her smile, in her eyes, in her touch, it’s the very essence of her aura. It's biting at his freezing cold demeanor, melting every defence away. At the same time it strengthens every single one of them. It puts up new ones, meant only to protect her.

It will change. He knows it will. Soon enough she will see him as everybody else does. And the warmth will vanish.

So he basks in it while he can.

Sakura’s gown is dark green. Her new handmaiden made a good work of mixing and matching it with an even darker cloak pinned with a silver brooch in the shape of his sigil.

His own cloak is the same material as hers, but his were adorned with his and his father’s fangs. No doubt that it was her handmaiden’s work.

General Tsukinawa is sitting in front of him, wine in hand, spinning all the plans to fortify the camp border, vouching for mages who were looking for any disturbing activity as they spoke. Xiao Lang listens, but he is tired. Too tired to drink, too tired to even think coherently. So he listens, nods his head but mostly watches Sakura charm a few of the generals.

Her hair looks auburn in the light of the pyres burning around the camp. She smiles gently, but he can distinguish it as her court smile.

He doesn’t even notice when Prince Hideo joins them, until a whole gallon of mead drops onto the table.

"Are you trying to get us all drunk?"

Hideo only laughs, pointing out that tonight they celebrate not only Xiao Lang’s marriage but also his son’s birth. And so the mead flows.

The soldiers are already drunk, singing and laughing, some of them bold enough from the alcohol that they start to sing for their new Empress. Thankfully for their necks the songs are mostly for her beauty. Sakura only laughs. And suddenly that laugh is next to him.

Her small hand rests upon his shoulder and Xiao Lang puts his mead aside. He really must be drunk if he didn’t notice her approach. She notices it too and teases him in that typical fashion of hers. He only huffs in response and pours some wine into a cup for her.

It’s a good evening.

Sakura stays with him, at one point her head rests on his shoulder and she laughs at the stories Hideo tells. Xiao Lang only pulls her closer, placing a kiss on the crown of her head whenever he can.

_It’s warm._

They listen to the stories from their fathers’ youth. Of dangerous adventures during the hunts. Of stuffy meetings made into games of hide and seek. Of archery lessons that turned into fits of laughter.

_It’s warm._

One of the Generals points out that it’s a feast and their rulers are not dancing. Xiao Lang wants to tell him to change his men that are doing rounds but Sakura is already tugging on his arm. She reminds him that he has promised her to dance whenever the opportunity arises. She smiles at him so happily he really can’t say no.  

He then remembers that the last time they did this there was a veil over her hair and she smiled broadly whenever he twirled her. And so he does again. For a moment he forgets he is with his armies. That he should be the man they respect and fear. For that moment he is the man to whose steps they clap too. For the moment Sakura’s laughter is all that really matters.

And she laughs until she is breathless. Until her cheeks are pink and her eyes are glassy with tears.

_It’s warm._

At one point someone, Xiao Lang is pretty sure it was Yamazaki, calls that the vodka is ‘Definitely too bitter! I wonder who can do something about it!’. And so it starts. They are both quite intoxicated at that point. Sakura turns to him, a smile on her flushed face and a challenge in her eyes. He doesn’t need to be told anything twice. The familiar beat of hundreds of claps, melting with the voices fills his ears as he leans in.

She tastes of wine, sweet, sweet wine. And he wants more of it the longer he kisses her.

The soldiers start cheering.

His sweet wife smiles into the kiss before she leans back.

_It’s warm._

She laughs when he takes her that night. And he might have felt wounded if she hadn’t be so sweet, so eager, so responsive, so happy. And if he hadn’t been laughing with her.

They go slow this time. There is no ache to take care of. No heir to think about. There is just them and everything in between them. Xiao Lang forgets about the border. He forgets the fatigue of the day. He forgets the problems of the Empire he is still to face. Gods he forgets there is a blasted Empire when she moans his name like that.

_There is only warmth._

 

A scream wakes her up.

Or rather it startles her to the point of jousting awake. Panically she tries to untangle herself from the furs, heart thumping in her ears as she assesses what really is happening. There isn’t even a hangover to speak of, only pure adrenaline.

She expects an attacker.

She expects to see Mihara or Yamazaki pushing someone back.

What she doesn’t expect to see is her husband, a dagger in his hand.

His skin is covered in a sheer layer of sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead curling slightly at the ends. He breathes heavily, as if he had almost drowned, as if he had taken his first breath in a long, long time. But it’s his eyes that worry her the most. Wide, disoriented stare, seemingly focused on the dagger he grips in his hands. Knuckles white as he clenches the metal for his dear life.

It’s only then does she realize that the scream was his.

His name escapes her lips, voice trembling as does her body.

He turns to her sharply, like a wounded animal, hearing a crack in the woods, as if he was waiting for the impending doom.

He doesn’t seem to see her though. Not really. His eyes are wide, searching but not seeing. Pupils dilated to such an extend she can barely see the melted amber she came to associate with them.

**It scares her.**

Maybe even more than the dagger in his hands. Because he doesn’t recognize her. He recognizes her voice as she says his name but not her within his reach.

Her fingers grasp the key still looped around her neck, even if she realistically knows his blade would reach her before she can release it.

Against better judgement she reaches out, limbs trembling, one hand still tightly on her key, the other trying to touch his shoulder, hoping it could help him wake.

It’s a stupid decision and she knows that, but in that moment it seems like the best choice is to try and calm him down. She has no time to escape and he is blocking the only way out. She could scream, knowing the guards are already startled enough, but she knows that it may rouse him, that she can be dead before any of them enter the tent.

That the same man who a few hours before whispered her name like a prayer would put an end to her life in a blink of an eye.

So this, this seems like the only sensible decision.

Because he is as scared as she is.

His eyes snap to her, terrified and disoriented still, but he sees her hand and in the moment it seems like a good sign.

Until he rises the blade.

And all navia breaks loose.

Kerberos jumps, a swirl of gold fur and fire, smoky breath mixed with a deafening roar and a warning howl Yun Lee makes as she too jumps at her master.

People start shouting, running into their tent, but Sakura can’t focus on any of them.

Just on Xiao Lang’s frame below Yun Lee, still trashing, still yelling, still out of it.

His arm bleeds, three claw shaped marks on his forearm. It takes her a second to realize it’s Kerberos doing.

Someone keeps shouting next to her and the next thing she knows Miahara is dragging her up and out. An arm around her fur clad shoulders. When did someone put a cloak on her?

She can’t look away.

Not even as the cold air hits her face. Or when her bare feet hit the ground.

And the last thing she sees before the clasps fall back down is her husband curling into himself as his eyes finally snap to her fleeting form.

Conscious.

And scared.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...I am sorry? 
> 
> Apologies for the major delay on this one, it was a beast to write and a major pain to edit and both me and my editors have lots going on so I hope the word count makes up for the wait. 
> 
> Also yes the chapter count changed but it's mostly due to the fact that chapter 8 and 9 were supposed to be one. Which is hilarious when you take their final word count into account. 
> 
> Were you able to catch all of the references? I honestly think of this one as a meme of a chapter XD
> 
>  
> 
> *Probs to you if you recognize that reference, I am of course talking about "The last wish" by Andrzej Sapkowski which is the first book in the collection of short stories centered around the Geralt of Rivia and it's a prelude to the Witcher saga(if you haven't read the books yet, I highly recommend it's truly a magical yet a brutal story). Honestly "The last wish" is still one of my favorite love stories ever, and it was the exact moment I fell in love with Yennefer's character. And when I say I love Yennefer, I mean I went as far as to make myself an choker imitating one that she wears :)
> 
>  
> 
> **Veles is the God of underworld and the co-creator of the world. He is a counterpart of Perun or rather a mirror image of him. He is also a God of magic so I thought it appropriate for Eriol to swear on him.
> 
>  
> 
> *** Navia is the Slavic afterlife and home to Veles. Naw/Nav is also the term for soul or corpse.
> 
>  
> 
> **** Plantago major (latin) or broadleaf plantain as it's known commonly is a common but surprisingly effective plant. It's known for its wound healing activity, anti-inflammatory, analgesic, antioxidant, weak antibiotic, immuno modulating and antiulcerogenic activity. I remember my grandma always telling me to press some leaves into my wounds or bites whenever i got some.

**Author's Note:**

> The updates on this will not be regular. I hope the breaks between chapters won't be longer than two weeks, but the breaks between parts may be a bit longer, we will see ;)
> 
> This work is beta'd by wonderful andrec02 and kuroi-kotoba, please check them out on tumblr! (You have no idea how much shit i am putting them through)
> 
> My tumblr: anathash or wikapikadraws - here i will be posting some drawings and sketches for this AU. If you have any questions, don't be shy and just ask :)


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